Didn't Think It Through
by myRyRy
Summary: Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because no matter how simple the contract made it seem, selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them considered.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered.

* * *

Thin, beige paper cuts into his hand as he balls it into his fist. Leaning against the moulded column by her front door, he anxiously waits for her return.

What he'll do when she arrives, he honestly has no idea. All he knows is that his world is on its side, and between aloof best friends, power-hungry uncles, and would-be (probably) mothers, the only thing keeping him held up is Blair.

He loves her and trusts her, but more than that, he believes in her love for him. After years of believing himself completely unworthy of real affection from absolutely anyone, it took him him a long time to embrace her declarations of love and make one of his own. But now that he has, he knows to his very core that he loves her, and she loves him to the point where she would do anything for him.

He let out a heavy sigh, his foot tapping nervously as his eyes slip back to the door again.

They'd get over this. This was just doing what was necessary to win. No harm, no foul. They're bond was unbreakable.

He fingers his watch as the seconds, then minutes, then hours tick by. He momentarily tries to calculate the time it would take to complete the transaction, but shakes his head violently at the thought. Instead he busies himself with mentally picking out the perfect gift that would make them even.

He crumples the note in his hand and lets it fall to the ground.

Louboutins wouldn't be enough this time. Maybe he'd finally take her on that trip upstate she keeps hinting at?

Out of the corner of his eye he catches sight of the door swinging open and he quickly turns, hoping to see big brown eyes twinkling with the thrill of victory, only to have his heart drop at the sight of the Waldorf's older neighbors. Frustrated, he checks his watch again, and realizes it's well past midnight.

He quietly leans back against the wall again though and waits. He'll keep waiting as long as it takes for Blair to show up.

She never does.

---

It takes two and a half hours of walking aimlessly through the city before she finally admits to herself that she lost. Chuck won because he got his hotel back, Jack won because he got her. But as her aching legs slowly come to a halt in front of Victrola of all places, she realizes that she's the one left with nothing but pain, and guilt, and shame.

She knows Chuck would never be able to forgive her. He'd never be able to look at her again if he knew what she did.

She wonders if she'll even be able to look at herself.

She stumbles away from the busy club where everything once began, and hastily calls herself a cab, having finally made a decision of where to go, the only place she knows she'll be alone. She mumbles the address of her dorm to the driver and sinks back against dirty leather seats that somehow feels more clean than her.

Her skin has been flushed and burning ever since she crawled out of that bed that she'd spent night after blissful night in with Chuck.

Now all of that was ruined, probably beyond repair.

She hadn't even bothered to get dressed before leaving, only pausing to pull on her panties before throwing on her oversized coat and her shoes before rushing out of the suite she'd once practically considered home.

Her action are calculated as she stops briefly at her dorm room, just long enough to get her shower supplies and a robe before she's off to the communal bathroom, a place she once considered using to be a fate worse than death. Now she didn't have a choice.

She sheds her undergarments and immediately throws them (along with her coat) into the trash, trying not to remember how she'd originally picked them out to wear for Chuck that morning. The water can't seem to get hot enough and she immerses herself under its stream and starts in with the soap. Her movements are steady and controlled as she begins with her toes and slowly moves up, not missing an inch of her now tainted flesh.

_You held a certain fascination when you were delicate, beautiful and untouched._.

She pushes the luffa harder against her skin, biting her lip as she finishes scrubbing her neck, before reaching down to her toes and starting all over once again. As she continues up her body, subconsciously she begins to scrub faster, and push harder and harder, until she can see blotches of red left behind in a trail across her pale skim. After the fourth time, she finally concedes that she'll never be able to wash away the feeling of his fingers.

Padding down the hallway barefoot, she doesn't even acknowledge the strange looks she gets from the few stray student roaming the hall so late at night. Instead she rushes into her room and double locks it behind her, dropping her things into a careless pile by the door.

Immediately she sinks down to her bed into a quivering heap. All of the sudden she's very aware that she's sobbing and she's not very sure at all when it started. Her wet auburn curls soak into the pillow beneath her, and her tears streak against her pale cheeks.

She tries desperately to get control, to breath in and out slowly and somehow quiet herself, because she knows she's hitting rock bottom and smashing into pieces, but instead ends of chocking against her emotions.

All she can think about is Jack and his too rough fingers digging tightly into her hips, his hot breath unwelcome against her ear as h whispered mocking words, his too harsh, painful movements, and his unshakeable ego as he smirked at her unshed tears.

And then there was Chuck.

Chuck, who had just been completely screwed over by the only family member he had left, who had been tricked cruelly into thinking his mother he thought he'd killed had come back only to have her ripped out of his life once again, who had spent his whole life being criticized and judged and an embarrassment to his own father. He didn't deserve to lose everything he'd worked so hard for on top of that too, and that's why she did it.

It was worth it, right?

She sobs harder, pushing her face against the pillow to muffle her cries. Her whole body aches, every muscles cries out in agony. Even her eyes are sore from how hard she'd been squeezing them shut, and now from crying. She's so tired and she wishes she could just cry herself to sleep, but it proves impossible.

Her heart is to heavy and her head hurts, but she still stays up, her mind swimming with thoughts of Jack and then of Chuck, and back to Jack again and she cries out into the darkness of her room for something, when all of the sudden something changes. Suddenly there's not just thoughts of Jack and Chuck, but Jack and Chuck and the mini-fridge in her room. She bites her lip and the answer seems so clear, but so wrong at the same time. Her sobs quiet of their own volition, and even though she's staring towards the window in her dorm, all she can picture is that fridge. She can sense it behind her, knows exactly where it is, can even guess the amount of steps it will take her to get there. There's nothing but silent tears rolling down her cheeks now as her throat constricts with need and familiarity. Even her muscles are calling out to her to move, knowing the sheer exhaustion she'd feel afterwards would surely be able to lull her to sleep.

She takes a breath, shakes her head, and counts to ten as her mouth begins to water.

She cannot do _that_. She is stronger than that.

A shaky sigh escapes her lips and without another thought she's pushing herself off the bed and taking the three calculated steps to the fridge.

Maybe she's really not as strong as she pretends to be.

---

The elevator dings and opens and he hesitates before stepping out into the place he'd fought so hard to claim.

There is an odd air hanging in the penthouse of the Empire, and it leaves a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. Everything looks pristine, as if nothing completely vile had gone on inside these walls just hours before. But the silence is so loud it's deafening and he's scared of what happens next; like someone is going to jump from around the corner and tackle him.

Cautiously he inspects each room, feeling more and more at ease as he sees not a trace of Jack is left anywhere. All of his artwork and personal belongings seem to be back in place, almost as if the last two weeks never even happened. He looks in Nate's room, the den, the kitchen, and feels the tightening in his chest slowly unravel, to the point where when he finally finds something out of place, he doesn't even flinch.

Stepping into his room, he quickly stalks across it, prepared to throw away what appears to be a forgotten shirt of Jack's, when he stop dead in his tracks. His fists tighten at his sides and his eyes widen in absolute rage.

There, laying pooled in a forgotten pile on the floor, was the was the dress he'd had sent to his girlfriend earlier that day. He glares at it until he's sure the image is burned into his retinas for eternity, before his gaze slides menacingly to the king size bed beside him. Beige bedding, neatly folded and made with pale blue pillows perfectly placed almost mock him from where they lay.

Blair's side is the on right. She's always slept on the right side, and him on the left, ever since she held him when he cried himself to sleep the day after his father died. The last time she spent the night with him in this bed, they had sex three times because they were celebrating him opening his heart to his 'mother' and her and she feel asleep with her head on his left arm and it went numb, but he didn't care because she's beautiful when she sleeps.

He stagers a step back, his mouth dropping in pure anguish as the weight of everything finally hits him. He moves towards the dress discarded on the floor and picks it up, silk slipping in between his fingers and he almost can't quite hold on (he refuses to acknowledge that he's shaking) and he makes his way to the wall where he slides down to sit on the floor.

He can picture it, he can imagine it and almost see it play out before his eyes, but he can only smell Blair's perfume on the dress.

He won, but what he won isn't what he wanted. What he's won is hollow walls, silence that hurts, and a girlfriend that never came home.

He wonders if there's any amount of money he could pay to take this all back.

* * *

_TBC? Feedback appreciated..._


	2. Chapter 2

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you guys so much for the reviews.. I haven't written in awhile so it definitely motivated me to write more. :)_

* * *

Chapter 2

When Blair went to see Jack the night before, she had a contract tucked in her purse and a plan all thought out in her head. This was not supposed to be a big deal, it was supposed to be a quick, simple exchange of goods and services, something that happens all over the world everyday, then once it was over, it was to be forgotten and put way in the back of her mind where she would never think of it again. But for some reason now that the contract is signed and fulfilled, her plan to forget all about it is falling completely to pieces.

Chuck calls her the next morning, and she lies to him about why she'd left Nate's party yesterday. She claims that she had had a headache but doesn't even get a chance to use her carefully selected dig about it being a result of exposure to a certain trashy Brooklynites perfume, when he interrupts her to invite her to dinner at her favorite restaurant that night to celebrate. She feigns ignorance about what they could be celebrating and lets him excitedly explain it to her.

She can hear the happiness in his voice and it makes her nauseous. He doesn't have a clue.

She spends the whole afternoon getting ready, knowing she had to look perfect despite a severe lack of sleep and food. She ignores the fact that she can't seem to look herself in the eye as she curls her hair just the way he likes. Her stomach growls as she pulls on a violet dress Chuck had bought her weeks before, but she doesn't let herself go anywhere near the fridge in the corner of her dorm.

She promised herself last night when she was on her hands and knees in the bathroom that she wouldn't let it happen again. No matter how much she hates herself at the moment.

Chuck texts her to let her know he's waiting for her in his limo, and she heads for the door, stopping briefly to giver herself a look over, making sure everything is in place, when she finally meets her own gaze. She holds her head high and takes a deep breath.

_The next time you forget you're Blair Waldorf, remember I'm Chuck Bass and I love you..._

Her chin drops and her eyes glaze over. The Blair Waldorf Chuck loves is not a cheater or a whore; the girl looking back at her is both.

---

When Chuck wakes up the next morning, he doesn't have time to dwell on what happened in his hotel the night before. No one has done any work managing the hotel in over a week so he's got more than enough work to occupy his mind. He slides off the couch (he tells himself the only reason he fell asleep there is because he was watching TV) and wanders the penthouse, cup of black coffee in one hand, blackberry in the other. He barks out orders to security, the front desk, and then to housekeeping (if every inch of his penthouse is not scrubbed and disinfected by the end of the day, he'll replace them all!), before calling Blair.

Her voice is tired and slow when she answers, but she quickly reverts to a fake, polite, society approved tone he's heard her use at event after event for years. It is oddly unsettling for her to use it with him, but he quickly shakes the thought from his head.

He is a businessman now, and what happened between his uncle and his girlfriend was nothing more than a carefully calculated business decision. He was not going to let his emotions get in the way of him losing his hotel, and even though it disgusted him, it was necessary, and that was all that mattered.

He informs her that he is taking her out to celebrate him getting back his Empire tonight and plays along when she acts like this is a surprise.

This was just another one of their games.

She played him to get some stupid speech at NYU; he played her for his hotel.

It's like they were made for each other.

He thinks he hears her voice quiver when she says I love you too but as soon as he hangs up he's got meetings to attend and staff members to deal with and before he knows it he's in his limo waiting outside her dorm.

He waits five minutes, then ten, and is about to call her to check on her when the door opens suddenly, and she slides onto the leather seat next to him. She looks immaculate, beyond beautiful and he's surprised, because he thought he'd be able to sense sense Jack on her, but he can't at all. Every one of her auburn curls is bouncing as she settles into her seat; pale violet silk clinging to her skin in all the right places and ruby red lipstick drawing him in.

She meets his gaze and smiles like she always does (almost) and he can feel a giant weight lift off his shoulders. He smiles broadly at her, bigger than he has in a long while, and greedily grabs at her hand to kiss her delicate fingers.

"I missed you last night," he breathes against her skin without thinking, because honestly, he did.

He misses the way her face falls as he turns to give Arthur the name of their destination, but he has to force himself to ignore how easily she slides her fingers from his grasp.

---

"Do you not like your dinner?"

"What? Oh, sorry," she quickly mutters, realizing she had zoned out playing with her food when Chuck's voice cut into her thoughts. "It's great. Everything's perfect," she smiles out the lie and straightens in her seat.

She meets his gaze for the briefest of moments, before reaching for her wine and downing a very unladylike gulp. For the first time in her life, Blair finds it impossible to pretend nothing is wrong. Usually she is able to edit out parts of her life without a care, but looking at Chuck, she can feel her heart breaking for what she's done to their relationship. She's absolutely ruined them. He's the only person she's never had to pretend with before, and there isn't a part of her that wants that to change.

He studies her from across the candle-lit table and can tell she's lying when her eyes don't even come close to matching her mouth, but he doesn't comment and acts like he doesn't notice. Instead, he swallows his bite of steak and grabs up his own glass.

"Good. How about a toast then?" he asks with a grin, holding out his glass before him. "To the Empire."

She holds out her glass and plasters a smile on her lips. "To the Empire."

"And to us," he quickly adds before taking a hearty drink.

She flinches slightly and immediately takes another gulp of her drink, her toe-tapping nervously under the table.

He can tell she's uncomfortable and some part of him he knows is sick is kind of relishing in it. The original plan had been to forget anything had ever happened with Jack once it was all done, but as he sits across from her, he finds himself wanting to push her to say it. He wants her to admit what happened, and hear the details from her pouty red lips. They both wanted to bring Jack down, and they both did what they had to. They weren't just celebrating getting the hotel back, they were celebrating beating Jack, and he was itching to tell her he was in on the plan as well.

"I'm almost surprised at how easily the smarmy bastard went down," he muses as he smirks at her. "I didn't even have to lift a finger."

Her stomach drops and she picks up her knife and fork as daintily as possible. Quietly but purposefully, she begins cutting into her lamb with mint sauce, taking only her second bite of food that night. Followed quickly by her third and forth and then fifth.

"And he's already happily returned to his position at Bass Australia. Makes me wonder why he even bothered with all this in the first place."

Her neck feels hot as forkful of smooth gravy and mashed potatoes makes its way past her lips. She pauses and takes another drink. "Obviously he just wanted to play. I told you once he realized he couldn't get what he wanted he'd stop toying with you."

His smirk drops at her words; what was obvious to him, was that there was no way she was going to admit what happened. Well, he'd just have to push harder. His fingers trace his wine glass as he watches her take a few more bites of her lamb, before speaking again. "You were right," he concedes with a half smirk, playing along. "And I plan on thanking you tonight for being such a supportive girlfriend."

She can't bring herself to look up from her plate again, the last few bites on it disappearing quickly before her eyes.

He wasn't really lying to her. Yes, he is lying by omission not telling her he knows what happened, but so is she. And he really is beyond grateful for her support and her willingness to do anything for him. "The penthouse is being cleansed of any remaining traces of Jack Bass as we speak, and I thought we could get dessert to go.." he trails off as he reaches out for her hand across the table.

The instant his fingers brush her skin, she freezes, dropping her fork to onto her empty plate with a clatter loud enough that it catches the attention of the whole restaurant. Her cheeks burn with embarrassment, and before giving herself a chance to think, she pushes herself to her feet and away from the table.

His eyes widen and his jaw hangs limp in complete shock. Immediately his stomach is knotted in concern as he watches her cheeks turn beet red and she mumbles an excuse about needing to use the restroom. He wants to stop her, but she moves so hastily through the tables, that he can't even get up before she's gone.

---

She wipes at her mouth with tissue and throws it into toilet before flushing away all the remnants of her dinner. She exits the stall and slowly steps towards her reflection in the mirror across from her. She looks paler, and there's small beads of sweat on her brow, but she can't deny that she feels better.

She fingers her curls to straighten them, and tries not to think about her horribly suspicious and pathetic exit from the table. She's never lost her control like that in front of anyone. But it wasn't just anyone, it was Chuck. She couldn't handle lying to him about something she felt so unbelievably guilty about, but she had to. There's no way she could tell Chuck she cheated on him with his uncle. Even if it was for his benefit, he wouldn't care about the hotel if he knew what she did.

She lefts out a breath and steadies herself against the sink basin, her reflection swimming before her for a second. Blindly, she reaches out and wets her hand with cool water, presses it to her forehead and closes her eyes.

This secret is weighing her down, but she can't repeat it. It's too awful. Not even Serena would ever understand.

Opening her eyes, she stares down her reflection and sets her brow into a determined scowl.

"You are in control," she commands in a whisper. "You are Blair Waldorf, and you can handle this."

She stands up straighter and smooths out her dress. She fixes a smirk on her lips and after one more deep breath she's out the door.

Her heels seem to click louder than normal as she makes her way back through the dining room. A few pairs of eyes from other tables turn to glance at her, but the only ones she notices are the concerned hazel ones staring her down. As she gets closer and closer, her shoulders slump, her smirk falters, and her resolve weakens more and more until she's standing at the table next to him as deflated as ever.

"Do you think we could do a rain check and celebrate another night? I'm not feeling well."

---

The ride back in the limo is silent and does nothing to ease the sinking feeling that keeps growing in the pit of his stomach.

Blair's fingers are grasped tightly in his, but her gaze is transfixed out the window and he can't help but wonder what she's thinking. He tugs gently on her hand, and her big brown eyes train on his as she allows him to pull her into his side. She rests her head against his shoulder and he takes momentary comfort in the scent that is uniquely hers, lilac and vanilla.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay with me tonight?" Chuck mumbles into her hair, kissing it. "I can have the chef make you some chicken-noodle soup."

She sighs and shakes her head, pulling away once again and he can feel the loss of warmth from her body.

"I'll be fine at my dorm. I think I just need to get some sleep," she assures him, looking back out the window.

But he's definitely not assured a bit. He can feel the weight that hit him last night, fall right back on his shoulders. The few inches between them seems so big and he can practically feel her pushing him away. He wants to say something, to assure her that everything's okay, that no matter what happened he loves her, but he doesn't know what to say. And honestly, he doesn't understand at all what happened back at the restaurant. He brought up things about Jack, but that shouldn't upset her like this. It was just a game and they had won; she should be happy. She went up there on her own, and made the decision to do what was necessary to help him out, and he is thankful, even if he can't even allow himself to really think about it at all.

He reaches for her hand again, but he barely brushes against her fingers before she's moving away again.

"We're here."

He looks up and sees her dorm building roll into view and watches as she quickly gathers up her purse and coat into her lap. Briefly her eyes meet his and he can't deny that she does look tired. Leaning into him, she places a chaste kiss on his lips.

"I love you," she quietly declares, her eyes matching her mouth for what seems like the first time that night.

He gives her a half smile and kisses her once more. He tries to deepen it, but she pulls back before he can.

"I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can try this again?"

Blair nods non-commitedly and quickly slides out the door, leaving him alone with nothing but silence an an uneasiness in his gut that won't go away.

---

The next day, Chuck calls Blair seven times.

The first six times, it rings and rings and she never answers.

The seventh time, it goes straight to voicemail and he instantly knows she's turned off her phone.

His eighth call is to Dorota to send her to check on his girlfriend immediately.

His ninth call is to his florist to have a tastefully large bouquet of bright pink peonies sent to her dorm with a card that simply says _I love you_.

* * *

_TBC... Let me know what you think. :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Amazing review you guys! Thank you so much, it means a lot that people are liking this story so far!_

* * *

The hours and minutes of the day crawl by painfully slow. Her big brown eyes stare vacant and lost out her dorm window from where she sits on her bed, watching the rain fall and slide against the pane. Numerous textbooks lay open to no particular pages in front of her, but her notebook is still blank. She'd tried to immerse herself in school work to forget about her life for awhile, but within minutes of sitting down she had received her first call from Chuck, and after that all was lost.

She had stared wide eyed at her cell phone as his name flashed across the screen, immediately causing her heartbeat to quicken. She pulled the offending object into her hand, could feel it vibrate in her as her thumb hovers over the green button, but she just couldn't seem to make herself answer. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding when it eventually stoped ringing and let the phone fall with a loud thump onto her bedside table, before attempting to get to work on her homework once again. She didn't even have to check the I.D. to know who was calling her when her phone rang again twenty minutes later; or when it rings forty-five minutes after that; or the three other times it does through out the day. With each ring, she could feel that knot in her stomach tighten even more, and her fingers always itched to answer it, but she never moved an inch.

Eventually, she turned off her phone all together and hid it beneath her pillow.

Blair has no idea what to say to Chuck anymore.

She knows she messed up last night when she lost control right in front of him, but she honestly couldn't help it. She can't lie to him with out feeling like the lowest person in the world and this sick feeling sinking in her stomach. But there's no way she can ever tell him the truth, it is way to awful to even speak.

She's sure she's ruined them for good.

They'd been happier than she ever thought they could be not even a week ago. She woke up every morning tucked securely in his arms, she spent every evening out at the hippest restaurants or having candlelit dinner alone with Chuck, and every free moment apart was spent exchanging flirty texts about what she was going to do to him when he got home or where he wanted to meet up with her for a rendezvous. She's never felt more loved and secure than she has these past few months with Chuck.

Now she's never hated herself more.

How could they just go back to that? How could they be happy again after this?

A knock at her door jars her from her thoughts, throwing her into a panic that makes her stomach growl. Taking a deep breath to calm herself, she pulls one of her textbooks into her lap and buries her nose in it like it's the most interesting thing she's ever read.

"Come in," she calls out and peaks out of the corner of her eye as the door slowly opens.

"Miss Blair.."

"Dorota!" Blair cries in relief, her book falling from lap, completely forgotten at the sight of her maid and not her boyfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"Miss Blair! Mister Chuck call me because you no answer phone," her dutiful maid explains as she makes a beeline towards Blair, a disapproving look set on her face. "He send me check on you, say you sick last night." Immediately Dorota presses the back of her hand to Blair's forehead.

She pushes away the older woman's hand with an annoyed furrow in her brow.

Dorota scowls, and ignores the younger girl and puts her hand right back, trying to access her temperature. "You no feel hot."

"I'm fine," Blair assures her as she scoots away from her on the bed. "I just.. misplaced my phone. That's all."

"Mister Chuck sound very worried on phone. He say I must check on you and report back your condition."

Her gaze drops, the familiar guilt rising. "Well tell him that I'm fine. I'm simply swamped with work for class and didn't realize I'd lost my phone." She pulls her book back into her lap and pretends to read, but her maid just watches her curiously. "I'm fine, Dorota," she repeats, meeting her eyes briefly, "you can can go now."

"Miss Blair.."

"You're dismissed!" Blair barks, desperately wanting to be left alone. She can't watch as Dorota leaves with her shoulder's slumped dejectedly, so she stares at her book until the door clicks closed.

She falls back against her pillows with a sigh and stares vacantly at the ceiling through glossy brown eyes. Her stomach aches and her throat works and she somehow finds herself trying frantically to remember where the closest bakery is.

–––

Blair straightens out her curls and looks over her flushed face in the mirror one more time before heading back to her room. There's a comforting exhaustion that seeps into her bones, and she almost feels at peace as she maneuvers the busy hallways of her dorm building. She'd chosen to go to a bathroom on a completely different floor, on the opposite end of the building in an effort to not be found out. Not that anyone here was really paying attention, but she didn't want to lose the respect of the few minions she had.

All she wants to do is crawl into bed when she finally reaches her dorm, but it's quickly clear that sleep will be nearly impossible to come by. There, waiting ominously for her on the floor outside her dorm, is a huge bouquet of beautiful, bright pink peonies.

She picks them up swiftly, admiring the perfect petals with sad eyes and kicking the door shut behind her with her heel. Any calm that she'd felt is gone, and that sinking feeling she's getting so used to is getting worse, and she just knows she can't do this anymore.

She sets the flowers down, and breathes them in and all she breathes is guilt, guilt, guilt. Her eyes glaze over as she fingers the small gold card that's attached. She knows who it's from, doesn't need the card to tell her, but she's sickly curious about what sweet little message he's written her, wishing her to feel better when he thinks she's sick. Flipping it over, tears immediately spill from her eyes when she reads his simple, powerful message that'd she'd spent forever trying to get him to say.

_I love you._

Something snaps within her, and as she chokes back sobs, she makes a decision she should have made much sooner.

Hastily wiping at her tears, she grabs her jacket and rushes out the door before she has a chance to change her mind.

It's time to be honest, no matter how horrible the truth is.

–––

Checking his phone for about the millionth time that night, Chuck can feel his heart fall a little bit more as he sees she still hasn't called. Not even a reassurance for Dorota could calm his fears, because he didn't for a second believe that Blair would ever lose her phone.

She obviously just had no interest in talking to him whatsoever.

He leans back against the pool table and takes a large drink of his scotch, the familiar burn in his throat filling him with artificial warmth.

His gaze slides across the penthouse as his mind automatically starts the sick little game it's been playing every time he hasn't been busy the past few days; picturing every possible place the deal went down between Jack and Blair.

Shaking his head, he takes another gulp and then checks his phone one more time.

Still nothing.

He sighs and makes a mental plan to zone out in front of his big screen watching The Godfather; just as soon as he refills his scotch.

He pushes himself towards the bar and is barely able to take a step before the ding of the elevator echos throughout the painfully silent penthouse. Spinning on his heel with his heart in his throat, he deflates at the sight of his best friends striding towards him.

"Archibald, I figured you'd still be shacked up with your girlfriend tonight. What is this, day three of the birthday celebration?" he drawls out before tipping his glass back until it's dry.

"You have to go downstairs," Nate commands as he stops in front of him. Reaching out, he grabs the empty glass from him and sets it on the table. "Now."

"What?" Chuck mutters, confused, as he furrows his brow at his friend. "I didn't know you could be so demanding, Archibald. Kinky."

Nate gives the brunette an odd look. "How much scotch have you had?" he mumbles, before shaking his head to clear it and get back on point. "Look, I don't know if something is happening between you and Blair, but she's downstairs right now."

"She is?" he breathes, not able to hide the surprise or the excitement in his voice.

"She's standing out in the rain and she refuses to come inside." He let out an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes slightly, "Believe me, I tried."

Chuck's shoulders slump and his heart sinks as his eyes drift to the window, and the pouring rain and dark clouds outside.

"I think she was crying."

He feels absolutely sick and is dreading whatever it is that about to go down, but he hardly has time to think before Nate is shoving a coat and an umbrella in his hands.

"Go fix this, man," Nate tells him quietly as he pushes him towards the elevator. "Whatever is wrong; whatever happened, you can make it through it. I mean, you still love her, right?"

Chuck glares at his friend, angry that it is even a question.

"Then you can fix whatever is wrong."

The elevator dings and Chuck steps in, momentarily stronger from the confidence of his best friend, but when the doors close and he's all alone he realizes Nate doesn't even know the half of it. He quickly makes his way through the lobby and hesitates when he catches sight of her through the glass front doors.

People are rushing all around, hiding under unfolded papers and huge umbrellas; but in the middle of it she stands all alone. Soaked to the bone as she stands across the street, she stares up at the hotel longingly. Her coat hangs heavily from her body, and her brown curls cling to her cheeks, and she looks so beautiful broken it hurts.

He suddenly feels a little deja-vu as he remembers the first time he ever saw her, standing outside the gate at school. It was the first day of kindergarden and she was staring up at the building that held St. Jude's and Constance and she looked so small and fragile and pretty. Only then, she looked like she was ready to conquer.

Now she looks like she just wants to give up.

–––

She has no idea how long she's been standing in the rain, all she knows it that there is no way she is going in that hotel. Because if she goes in that hotel, she has to go in the penthouse, and then probably into Chuck's room, and she just can't handle that.

All of the resolve and determination she'd had when she left her dorm disappeared the second the Empire came into view. A huge part of her just wants to leave, but she can't because that won't change anything.

But she can't go in.

So she continues to stand there, her tears mixing with the rain.

"Blair!"

She pulls her eyes from the towering building before her, and sucks in a breath at the sight of the brunette boy before her, dodging traffic to cross the street to meet her. She's surprised, even though deep down she knew (and kind of hoped) once Nate finally left her alone it would only be a few minutes before Chuck came down.

Her heartbeat fills her ears as she subconsciously takes a step back.

"Blair!" he repeats as he reaches her, shielding them both under his umbrella. "What are you doing out here?"

She swallows painfully and looks at the ground. "Chuck, I…"

"You're shaking," he observes, worry evident in his tone. Without a thought he takes off his jacket, placing it gently on her delicate shoulders. "Come on, let's go inside."

He tries to hold her hand but she quickly pulls back, her tears falling faster. "No," she whispers shakily. She feels guilty by how comforted she is by the warmth of his jacket, so she peels it off as quickly as he had put it on her. "I don't deserve this, Chuck; you're being too sweet," she mumbles as her tears fall faster. "I don't deserve you."

He refuses to take the coat back and instead puts his fingers under her chin, lifting her gaze to meet his finally. His heart aches at the sight of her big, sad eyes. "Blair, come on, everything's fine," he tries to assure her, giving her a small, forced smile as his fingers wipe away her tears.

"It's not," she says softly, shaking her head, "It's not fine."

He pulls his hand back and watches her sadly from inches away that feel like miles, and he's at a complete loss for words.

She meets his gaze for a long moment, and she can feel it on the tip of tongue. She has to tell him what happened. If there is ever going to be a chance for Chuck and Blair to work out, she has to tell him. It's now or never.

"Chuck," she takes a deep breath and a small sob escapes her lips, "I messed up. Really, really badly."

His stomach drops, and even though deep down he knew that this is what was coming, he's caught off guard that this is what is making her so upset. "Blair.." he breathes out, trying to stop her confession that he can feel coming.

"I wasn't thinking," she explains quickly, then shakes her head and clarifies, "Or I was thinking, but I didn't think it all the way through."

"Blair.."

"I was trying to help you, but all I ended up doing was betraying you. I ruined everything.."

"Blair.."

Ignoring him, she sniffles and let's out another sob, because this is the big confession that's been killing her. Meeting his eyes again with her last ounce of bravery, she lets it all out in one big breath, "I cheated on you."

"Blair!" he bellows, right as she confesses, because she has to stop. He can't listen to her tearfully confess to something he orchestrated. He just can't. "I know."

Her eyes cloud over in confusion. "What?" she mutters, beyond confused.

"I know," he repeats softly, reaching out and grasping her icy cold hand in his. "So there's no need to talk about this anymore, okay?"

Her mouth hangs open in shock. "Wait, what?" she asks, a some strength returning to her voice, even if he could still hear the tears in it. "How do you know?" she wonders out loud, but doesn't even give him a chance to explain before she fills in the blanks herself. "He told you, didn't he? That lying snake! He wasn't supposed to tell you! He was under contract not to tell you!"

He keeps his mouth shut, pondering the idea of letting Jack take the fall for the whole thing. It would be so easy to just let it go.

"I can't believe it," she murmurs, her gaze dropping to the ground. Her shoulders drop and she shakes her head listlessly. "How can you stand to still be around me?"

He studies her carefully, and in every inch of her soaked clothes, dripping hair, and shivering bones is more than evidence that this was breaking her. "Because.." he begins softly, but trails off when her eyes go meet his. Her deep brown eyes were crying once again, but the pure sadness in them was to much for him to handle. He can't let Jack take the fall for this, because in a way that would be letting her take the fall; and whether she knew it or not, they were always in this together. He lets out a sigh and decides to lay it all out on the table. "Because I set it up."

She stares at him vacantly for a long minute, and he can see the exact moment his words sink in because a darkness creeps into her big brown orbs. Her fingers slide out of his in an instant and the loss of contact is crushing.

"No," she whispers dumbly, mindlessly shaking her head. A whole new batch of tears rush to her, and everything is suddenly so much more overwhelming and devastating then it was before.

"I told Jack where you and Serena were shopping, and I had that dress sent to your mother's penthouse," he confesses evenly, pushing back the emotions that are creating a storm within him.

"No! You didn't," she tries to command through her tears, tries to make him take it all back.

He continues on because he's already this far in, he might as well finish it off. "I knew you were with him when you left that party early."

"No!" she sobs desperately. "You wouldn't do that to me," she cries, her heart dropping when his face is complete immovable stone. "Please, tell me you wouldn't do that to me!"

"Me, do that to you?" he questions, his nostrils flaring as he goes into defense mode. Yes, his heart was breaking watching her cry in front of him, but this was not all his fault. "You're the one who slept with my uncle, not once but twi-"

She cuts him off by slapping him as hard as she possibly can, because she can't believe the words that are coming out of his mouth or the way he's talking to her like some kind of whore. She chokes on a sob because truthfully, that's what she is now; a whore. Her perfect boyfriend who she loves more than life itself has turned her into something she hates. "Why?" she asks in a strangled whisper. "How?!"

He turns his gaze on her, tears he refuses to acknowledge gathering in his eyes (and not just from the stinging in his cheek). He can't believe it's gotten to this, this was a simple deal. "I did what I had to do to win," he argues. "I can't let my feelings cost me all that I've built."

She bites her lip and sniffles, looking at him as evenly as she can manage. "Well I hope it was worth it."

He watches her turn away to leave, and something inside him snaps. Frantically he reaches out to stop her, but she violently pulls away.

"Don't touch me!" she warns him in a low growl, and she can't hide the absolute heartbreak shinning through her eyes as she looks at him one last time before rushing away.

He watches her disappear between the pedestrians crowding the sidewalks, their umbrellas making it impossible to follow her down the street. At the end of it all, he stands alone the curb, his jacket at his feet in a forgotten pile and his ego and heart shattered on the pavement. Turning around, he looks up at the concrete building he sacrificed so much to keep, and all he knows for sure is one thing.

It wasn't worth it.

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_TBC... Please let me know what you think, I really appreciate reviews. :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you guys so much for the reviews!! I really appreciate it and I'm so so glad people are enjoying this. The great reviews really got me to write a lot quicker than I was planning to. _

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She spends what feels like hours walking the busy streets, trying desperately to make sense of something that seems so inconceivable.

The Chuck she knows loves her more than anything. He would never sell her out like that. He just wouldn't.

With each squishing step of her high heels against the wet pavement, she can feel her emotions rage more and more out of control. She can't decide if she's more angry or heartbroken; all she knows is that she's ready to explode.

She bursts into her dorm in a fury, slamming the door behind her so forcefully that it knocks her crystal lamp to the floor. The loud crash that echoes through her small room fills her with a feeling akin to relief, and before she can think, she's ripping apart her room piece by piece.

Suddenly she's Holly Golightly, nothing more than a devastated whore who can't handle her emotions. It's the closest to her idol she's ever been and it instantly makes Blair wonder why she spent so much time wanting to be her. Movies made everything look beautiful but this didn't feel beautiful at all; all this did was hurt.

Her small hands sweep across her vanity, expensive jewelry and an intricately carved jewelry box fall to the floor with a clank.

Plus, her Paul turned out to be her pimp. That certainly wasn't part of the script.

Ripping at her sheets, she pulls them away from her bed before falling with them into a heap on the floor. Her sobs reverberate off the walls and she gracelessly wipes her nose with the back of her hand. She catches sight of herself in the mirror and she can't even recognize the girl looking back at her. Mascara runs down her cheeks in ugly black streaks, her hair is wet and matted against her head, and her cheeks look red and chubby. What stands out though is her eyes, dark and black as they shine with shame and sadness.

She recognizes the shame. She's never been more ashamed of herself in her life.

Her face contorts in rage and she grabs a handful of jewelry from the floor and throws it with all her might at her reflection. The glass cracks and splinters and the scattered and broken reflection looking back at her seems much more appropriate.

Blair sinks back against her sheets on the floor and stares blankly at the ceiling. Silent tears roll down her her cheeks and she shivers in her soaked, tight clothes but makes no effort to get up and change. She's too exhausted to do anything but lay there and cry.

She hates herself and she hates Chuck, and she hates how much she just want her happy, loving boyfriend (maybe ex?) back. But no matter how hard she wishes or pretends, she knows it can't go back.

A huge yawn escapes her lips, and she lets her eyes drop shut and slowly falls into a restless slumber.

–––

The next morning she wakes up with a sore back and an eerie calmness filling her entire being. She's too emotionally spent to cry or to even think about her messy life anymore, so she mindlessly goes through the motions of her day. She showers, dresses to near perfection, sits through two long lecture classes, and quietly retires back to her dorm late that afternoon.

She ignores the mess that still litters her floor and immediately sinks bonelessly onto her almost bare bed. Her head falls onto the one pillow left untouched, and is confused to find hard plastic poking through the fluffiness. Reaching underneath her pillow, she frowns when her fingers curl around her cell phone, still left from where she'd hid it the day before. She sighs and sits up as she turns it on, watching as the screen blinks and boots and she braces herself.

She's prepared for a blast featuring a horribly unflattering picture of her standing pathetically outside the Empire in the rain, but to her surprise, there's nothing. She feels momentary relief before her phone suddenly emits a high pitched beep and her eyes widen as the small voicemail icon appears with the number seventeen flashing next to it.

Hitting the button without thinking, she bites her lip as her phone rings, her heart rate quickening with anticipation.

"Blair, I'm so-"

Immediately she deletes the message, not giving herself the chance to revel in the small comfort she feels at the sound of his voice. Within seconds though, it's is filling her ears yet again, and she deletes the second message in a second. As she quickly cuts through the messages, the comfort she felt at first morphs into queasiness. She only makes it to the ninth message before she cant take it anymore.

The quiet calm she'd felt throughout the day is rapidly slipping away. She swiftly ends the call and jumps to her feet. Wrapping herself in her oversized, warm coat, she heads out the door and out into the streets.

She drops her phone into a random trash can without hesitation, not stopping as her heels click determinedly against the concrete.

–––

A half hour later, Blair is wiping puke from her pouty pink lips in a public restroom, the remnants of three double fudge brownies staring back at her. She takes a shaky breath as she flushes the toilet and has to momentarily steady herself against the porcelain.

She knows how awful it is for her to be resorting to this, but she's sure she's got it under control. It's just a little crutch to help her get through all this, no big deal.

Standing up, she straightens out her dress and pulls a sugar-free mint from her clutch to freshen her breath before she heads out of the stall. She calmly heads through the small bakery, and out the glass doors, before she starts the few block walk to her mother's penthouse.

She has a plan to forget everything with Chuck and Jack, and it involves Serena and shots and dancing on tables.

_You were amazing up there.._

She sighs and shakes her head to clear it, ignoring as best she can slight dizziness the simple action makes her feel.

All she needs is to have a some fun; something she's not sure she even remembers how to do anymore.

"Serena!" she calls out the second the elevators open on her floor. She takes a deep breath and plasters a big smile on her face as she sees a big mop of blonde make its way down the stairs.

"Blair!" Serena greets as she envelopes her best friend in a huge hug. Pulling back, she fingers the brunette's curls and looks with concern at the shorter girl. "How are you?"

Blair can feel herself being scrutinized and hear the pity in the blonde's voice and she suddenly remembers that Nate had seen her crying yesterday. She sighs and lets out a bitter laugh. "I'm fine, Serena. Obviously, your boyfriend thought he saw something much worse than what actually happened."

"He told me you and Chuck broke up."

Hearing the words out loud makes her heart sink, and she can't help but snap. "We didn't break up!" she defends loudly. At least she doesn't think they did. Yet. "It's just a fight. We'll be fine." She says the words like she believes them, because it's easy to pretend everything is okay with Serena, but she doesn't believe them as much as she wishes she did.

"Well that's good, sweetie," the blonde says with a smile. "You two are so perfect for each other and so in love. You guys can get through anything."

Blair nods slowly, a sad smile on her face before she quickly changes the subject. "Well since I'm not spending the evening with Chuck," she starts as breezily as possible, trying not to flinch as she says his name, "I was hoping we could have a girls night."

"That's a great idea! Nate is hanging out with Chuck anyways." Serena claps excitedly and jumps up and down a little. "Ice cream and Audrey?"

The brunette shakes her head and smirks a little deviously. "I was thinking more like cocktails and dancing."

"B, you never wanna go out dancing."

"Well people change. I'm a freshmen in college and I haven't let loose once. I just wanna have some fun, S."

The taller girl eyes her friend suspiciously, before letting out a laugh and conceding. "Okay, B. Let's go have some fun."

A genuine smile curls Blairs lips for the first time in days as she allows herself to be pulled towards the stairs by her best friend, heading towards their closets to pick out the cutest outfits they can find.

–––

Chuck squints against the feeling that fills his head as he takes a deep drag from his joint. He holds it in as long as he can before blowing it out in smoke rings. His eyes glaze over and he sighs comfortably as he sinks back into his leather couch.

He refuses to think about how bad he messed up; or that she's completely ignoring him.

Reaching over, he passes the joint to his best friend in exchange for the game controller. "I think getting yourself killed seven times, Nathaniel, means its my turn."

"I haven't played in a long time," Nate defends lazily, before taking his own hit.

"I haven't either," Chuck laughs as he easily shoots down a whole group of zombies on the video game, "but I am definitely making you look like a fool on here."

They both hear the elevator approaching, and Chuck can feel his stomach growl with the munchies as he anticipates the arrival of their room service. Quickly he tosses the controller into Nate's lap and grabs the joint from him, taking once last hit before he stamps it out on a coaster. "I'll get the food, you need to practice," he jokes as he stumbles to his feet and heads into the foyer.

The elevator dings its arrival and opens and the smirk on his lips instantly drops and he's suddenly feeling completely sober.

"Chuck!" Serena yelps as she struggles to hold Blair up by her waist.

He rushes forward without hesitation, quickly taking Blair in his arms and holding her up, supporting her weight completely against him. "What's wrong with her?" he demands, his eyes flashing only briefly to his sister.

"She's completely wasted," Serena explains quickly, trying to help Chuck as he brings her from the elevator. "She threw up all over a table at 1Oak."

His brow furrows in concern as he studies the brunette in his arms. He's never seen Blair anywhere even close to this drunk, ever. His fingers find her flushed cheeks and he gently taps her face. She groans and shudders and buries her face into his chest, subconsciously grabbing at the blue striped material of his shirt. He wants to relish in the feeling but in the back of his mind he knows if she were the least bit coherent right now, she wouldn't let him anywhere near her.

"I know you guys are fighting or something but there was no where else to take her. The R.A. at her dorm would have lost it and Eleanor is coming home in the morning and..."

"It's fine, S," Chuck interrupts her. He watches uneasily as Blair's pretty brown eyes look dazedly around the room. "How much did she drink?"

All Serena can do is shrug. "I think she was sneaking shots drinks while I was dancing."

That knowledge does nothing to crush the overwhelming worry in his gut. Obviously, she was trying to get this drunk, something he never thought Blair would do. He softly kisses her hair and tries to lead her towards the couch, ignoring the confused look on Nate's face as he suddenly appears asking for food.

Slowly, he moves them across the floor, struggling to guide her wobbly legs as they go. He's about to give up and just carry her, when she comes to a sudden halt and bends over, grabbing her stomach.

"Serena!" he bellows urgently as Blair starts to cough and gag and moan next to him. He rubs her back and holds her hair and is extremely relieved when his sister drops a trash can in front of her right before she throws up nasty liquid.

Bending to her level, he kisses the side of her warm face and whispers words of reassurance in her ear.

"Chuck.." she slurs quietly, her hand blindly reaching out to him.

His swallows back his emotions as he takes her hand in his and intertwines their fingers.

"I think she's done," Serena obverses, wiping her friend's mouth for her. "You should probably just take her to bed."

Immediately his eyes widen and he looks desperately between the two blondes watching him and his (ex?) girlfriend. He knows if Blair was sober she would want no part of being in his bed, and really he doesn't know if he wants to be alone in there with her either after everything that's happened. But there's no way for him to explain that to either of his friends right now. So he nods shortly, before collecting the broken girl next to him into his arms and tries to ignores how she snuggles comfortably into him as he carries her back to his room.

Carefully he sets her down on his bed and wraps a warm blanket around her small frame, briefly pausing to kiss her forehead before he moves to leave.

"Chuck," she slurs again and it stops him in his tracks. "Stay with me"

His stomach flutters, and no matter how mad he knows she'll be in the morning, he can't say no. He slowly crawls into bed beside her and curls his body to hers. Blair lets out a content sigh and it makes him smile despite himself.

"Love you..."

He squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in her hair.

"I love you too."

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_TBC... I'd love to hear what you guys think, I really appreciate the reviews. :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Yay I'm so happy people still like this. Thank you guys so much! Yet again, the great reviews got me to spend the whole afternoon writing this way sooner than I planned, so hopefully it was worth it._

* * *

Aft first all she's aware of is Chuck. She's comfortable, warm, and content and she knows its because of him and the way he's cradling her in his arms and softly snoring against her neck. She sighs and snuggles into him and tries to fall back asleep.

It takes a full minute for everything to come rushing back to her.

Within seconds, she's violently shoving against his hold, ignoring his curses as she wrenches her body out of bed. Wide eyed, she gapes at her surroundings and stands frozen for a long moment before the effects of moving so fast hits her. Suddenly her world seems to tip violently on its side and the air feels suffocatingly thick and she stumbles gracelessly into the bathroom.

She's not quite sure what makes her throw up, her hang over or waking up in this hotel.

He rushes to her side and smoothes his hand against her back, but his heart drops when she pushes it away.

"Blair.."

"Don't!" she shouts hoarsely. "Just don't."

Holding herself up against the toilet, she takes a few long, deep breathes to steady herself, ignoring his presence behind her. Slowly she moves to the sink and rinses her mouth then splashes cool water on her face. Their eyes catch in the mirror and she's certain she's never seen him look so uncertain of himself in his life.

He has no idea what to say or do to take away the pain in her eyes, so he just watches as she looks away and shakes her head sadly.

"I can't be here," she breathes, spinning on her heel and brushing past him.

He panics. "Wait," he gasps, following close behind her as she moves through his room. "Wait a minute," he continues, trying to grab her wrist but she shakes him off before he can. "Blair, just stop!" Desperate, he hurries around her, slamming and blocking the doors to his room before she can leave.

She stands momentarily shocked before her eyes narrow at him in rage.

"Get out of my way," she growls through her teeth.

He straightens and sets his jaw resolutely. "No."

"Charles Bass, you get out of my way right now!"

"No, Blair. I'm not letting you leave until we've put this behind us," he declares, a determined edge to his voice. She doesn't say anything, just laughs bitterly and looks away, and he chooses to take the fact that she isn't trying to shove him out of the way as a good sign. He bravely takes a step forward and reaches out for her. "Talk to me."

Blair glares at him.

Doesn't he get that they can't put this behind them? There's no way they can go back.

"You want to talk? Fine, let's talk!" she snaps as she briskly pushes him away, her hands trembling with anger. "Why don't we talk about how not even a week ago, I had sex with your uncle in this very bed, where we have slept together almost every night since you bought this place! Or maybe we should talk about about how it took everything in me not to cry while I let him fuck me for your benefit!"

Her words echo off the walls and sink like a knife into his stomach.

Her voice begins to crack, her anger turning into utter desperation. "Or about how he kept taunting me the whole time he had his disgusting hands all over me."

He lets out a shaky breath and looks at the ground.

Her voice drops to a near whisper and tears begin to slowly roll down her cheeks. "Or how about the fact that you knew the whole time." She sniffles and bites her lip. "You set me up. How could you do that to me?"

He meets her gaze and she looks like everything she believed about the world is completely crushed, like a little girl who just found out Santa isn't real, and he's too overwhelmed with guilt to speak.

A small sob escapes her pink lips. "All I ever did was love you."

His heart shatters. He's never felt worse about himself than he does right now. He's lower than dirt. But she's right; all she ever did was love him and she promised to love him no matter what. He takes a deep breath and ignores the moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes. "The worst thing I ever did, the darkest thought I ever had. You said you'd stand by me through anything. This, Blair, is anything." His fingers itch to reach out and touch her as she cries harder, but he refrains. "Please, forgive me for this."

She shakes her head softly. "I never thought that the worst thing you would ever do would be to me," she declares tearfully. "You were supposed to love me more than that."

"I do. I love you more than anything, Blair," he states confidently. "When I made that deal with Jack, I thought you could just go through with it and move on and we would be fine. If I thought for a second that we wouldn't be able to make it through this, I wouldn't have even considered the deal."

"How could you think we could just move on from this?" she asks incredulously.

"How could you?" he argues back. "You didn't go to Jack thinking this is where we'd end up, did you? I know the deal I made was completely despicable, but nobody forced you to go through with it."

"I forced myself for you!" she returns quickly, her eyes widening at him.

"You didn't even know about the deal."

"I know!" she interrupts, "I just.." She sighs and looks down, her shoulders deflating. "You don't get it, Chuck."

He can see the fight leaving her and it scares him. She can't just give up on them. "What don't I get?" he pleads desperately. "Tell me what I don't get."

Her body aches in exhaustion and heart hurts in her chest and when she meets his anguished gaze, it all seems like so much. She steps back and slowly moves over to the bed and sits down. Her fingers brush against the sheets and she lets out a trembling breath to stable herself. "The deal you made was heinous, Chuck, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive you for using me like that."

He opens his mouth to argue, but when her big, brown eyes, shining with pain, suddenly meet his, he closes it.

"But no matter how revolting the deal was, you're not the one who went through with it," she continues quietly, silent tears on her cheeks. "I prostituted myself out for a piece of property."

"You did _not_ prostitute yourself," he vehemently argues, appalled at her words.

"I did though," she argues, disgust evident in her voice. "I willingly let him use my body however he pleased when I didn't want him to. I didn't want him anywhere near me." Her eyes drop back down to the bed and she shakes her head listlessly. "I spent two days thinking I felt horrible because I had cheated on you, but when I found out you were part of it, I realized that's not why I felt so horrible at all. It's because I'm ashamed of myself." She wipes her nose on the back of her hand. "I hate myself for what I did."

"Blair.." he starts to speak, to try and say something that could even begin to repair the broken girl before him, but he finds himself speechless.

Slowly, she pushes herself up from the bed. "I think I should go."

"No, Blair," he begs, his hands reaching out and holding her delicate shoulders to stop her.

She's too tired to push him away.

"I love you," he tells her frantically, trying to keep her his. Deep down he knows when she walks out that door it's over.

She nods in silent agreement and smiles sadly. "I never thought it was possible for two people to love each other too much, but maybe it is."

"We're magnetic," he muses with a small, melancholy smile.

"We're destructive," she corrects evenly, ignoring the way her heart hurts when his face falls. "It was only a matter of time before we messed it all up, remember? We knew this wouldn't last before it even started."

He feels absolutely sick as he watches her face morph into emotionless stone before his eyes when she throws his scared words from so long ago in his face. "Don't talk like this is the end, Blair, because it's not. I promise you it's not."

She gently removes his hands from her shoulders and ignores his last plea. "Goodbye, Chuck."

His eyes widen and he watches through a haze of unshed tears, dumfounded, as she moves past him, out the door, and out of his life.

–––

When Blair calmly steps into her dorm room that afternoon, she carefully appraises the mess that still litters her floor. Faced with the glaring evidence of her breakdown from earlier that week, it only take her a few seconds to make a decision, and after kicking some midwestern girl in disgusting torn jeans off the communal dorm phone, she calls Dorota and barks out a barrage of orders to her dutiful maid. Within a few hours, she's sitting in her freshly clean and organized dorm, a new cell phone charging at her desk and a newly replaced mirror behind her vanity.

Alone with only her thoughts, she tries think of anything but her fight with Chuck but it's impossible. She can't pretend not to care and she can't pretend it's his fault she feels like this. She can't ignore how much she loathes herself for what she's become.

Three years ago, she was joyfully, albeit ignorantly, happy in a relationship that meant everything to her and completely set on the path to Yale. She was so close to getting everything she ever wanted.

If that Blair saw herself now, she'd be horrified.

Today, she's pretty sure she'd give anything to go back and do it all over again. Clearly that's impossible, so instead, she makes a plan. She's only nineteen and there's no way she's going to accept that it's too late for her to cultivate the life she always used to dream about as a kid.

Especially since the life she's been dreaming about lately seems completely destroyed.

Her plan has two parts. The first is to forget and avoid everything and anything related to Chuck Bass. Obviously, wasting the last year with him had just lulled her into a false sense of security and distracted her from her life goals. Why else had she become so complacent with her precarious position here? The second part is to transfer out of this hell hole. She decides it's Ivy or bust and she's determined to find a way to transfer into Yale (or at least into very far away second choice, Columbia).

Then once her plan is complete, and she's delightfully single and living in New Haven and far, far away from her problems, everything else will fall into place and she'll end up blissfully happy, just like she always knew she would.

There's a nervous excitement that settles in her stomach that makes her feel like a fifteen year old again, freaking out about how an A- will affect her college transcripts. The wheels start turning in her head and it makes her mouth water and her throat work anxiously.

Her gaze slips to the mini-fridge Dorota had freshly stocked for her earlier.

She broke up with her boyfriend today and it definitely was not a pleasant end. She's allowed to be weak one last time, right?

* * *

_TBC... Please let me know what you think! I really appreciate any feedback.. :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you to everyone that reviewed! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the story. I really really appreciate it!_

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To say he is lost without Blair by his side would be a horrible understatement. He once told her he wouldn't be Chuck Bass without her, but he never realized how true his words were until she left. He never stopped to appreciate just how big a part of his life she had become during their ten month relationship. They had spent all their free time together; attending society events, going to dinners, seeing shows, and passing hours upon hours just being together.

Now he's all alone.

Nate is always shacked up with Serena at the Waldorf's or gone at class (plus, he won't stop asking why he and Blair broke up in the first place). He's basically the only real friend he has. Sure, he knows people he could call to party with, but he just doesn't feel like it.

Scotch on the rocks is the only company he has left.

He decides to try and focus himself completely on work. All his free time is spent micro-managing the hotel staff, to the point where he can tell they're annoyed with him constantly breathing down their necks but he couldn't care less. He gave up the most important thing in his life to get this place back and he is going to make sure it is running exactly as it should be.

It only lasts two weeks before he tells his lawyers to start finding buyers for the Empire.

He hasn't seen or heard from Blair since their break-up and it's driving him crazy to have to wonder how she is or what she's doing. Gossip Girl has no information on his ex-girlfriend what-so-ever and Nate and Serena refuse to be in the middle so they won't tell him anything. He's tried calling her, but of course she never picks up, and deep down, he doesn't expect her to even when he continues to call her daily. Briefly, he considers surprising her in person out of the blue, but he honestly wouldn't know what to do if he saw her.

He knows what he did was vile and disgusting and he thoroughly crushed her heart. It's all he can think about anymore.

_All I ever did was love you._

He loathes himself for putting her through this and wonders if she'll ever be able to love him again after she's seen what he's capable of. It's too much for her to just forgive and as more time passes without hearing from her, he's becoming more and more certain that he's lost her forever.

Desperate, he decides he has to do something to try and change the outcome before it's too late. So, in a pathetic attempt to bring his ex out of hiding, he parades himself out on the town every night for the next week, each time a different girl hanging from his arm. He stops his daily calls, hoping instead that she'll call him and berate him when she sees the pictures plastered all over Gossip Girl and Page 6. He tries to pretend it's only a game to him, exactly like they used to play with each other all the time. All he can think about is getting a reaction from Blair when he shoves his tongue down some girls throat in front of a bunch of eager paparazzi.

The only reaction he gets is a disgusted and disappointed look from Serena the next time she comes over with Nate. Blair never calls.

He has his P.I. check on her the next day. She hasn't been to a single society event or even done something as insignificant as gone out to dinner or go shopping in almost a month (Gossip Girl has a hit out on the former Queen B, so he would know if she had) and the worry that's been building in his gut is now impossible to ignore.

He convinces himself something is seriously wrong, to the point where he's completely thrown off when he finds out she couldn't be more fine. According to Mike, she hasn't missed class once since their break-up and she spends her evenings studying diligently in the library before retiring early to her dorm room. Nothing seems off at all.

He drinks himself stupid, and wonders if she ever even cared about him if she could so easily recover from their break up, when he is absolutely dying from it. But he knows that can't be true.

He saw the tears on her delicate cheeks. He practically felt her heart shatter when he hurt her. Her love was more real than anything he'd ever experienced before.

Stumbling to his feet, he heads out the door; liquid courage and a dire need for the girl he loves so much getting him to finally face what he's been so scared of for the past month.

–––

She slams her pencil down, seeing red when a knock at the door interrupts her studying yet again. Ever since she'd started staying in her dorm every night, her minions can't seem to go an hour with stopping by to ask her for guidance.

Didn't they understand that if she is ever going to be good enough to go to Yale or Columbia, she needs to be absolutely perfect?

Swinging the door open, she's about to pounce when she freezes and a ball of emotion instantly forms in her stomach. She quickly hides her shock behind a blank gaze and silently looks at him, refusing to be the one to speak first. Her heart quickens as his eyes scan her figure.

"Hello, lover," Chuck drawls (and slightly slurs) as his eyes hungrily take her in. "I see you've managed to get even more beautiful since the last time I was graced with your presence."

She silently congratulates herself at the compliment. She's lost five pounds, almost six, since the break up and is feeling better than ever.

He moves to come into the room and she glares at him.

"I don't have time to disinfect everything you touch after you leave, Bass, so I think its best you stay in the hall," she sneers, pushing at his chest to keep him back. "Who knows what diseases you've contracted during your recent _activities_." Pulling back her hand as if burned, she studies her fingers and pretends to be disgusted at what she finds.

He smirks. "So you _do_ still pay attention to Gossip Girl."

"I do," Blair agrees, crossing her arms over her chest, "and I have to say, I thought you would have raised your standards after dating me. But I guess it is kind of comforting to see you revert back to the same cheap sluts that always held your attention before." She pauses, almost wanting him to throw it back in her face and remind her that she was the one who whored herself out for a hotel, but he doesn't say a word, so she continues. "I was happy, though, to see you'd moved on," she comments as breezily as possible, forcing a small smile to her lips. "It's really for the best."

"I didn't move on," he counters quickly. "You know those cheap sluts could never replace you." A smirk curls his lips and he bravely reaches out and takes her hand into his. Electricity surges through his finger tips and he feels a fluttering in his stomach he's missed terribly.

She's momentarily frozen, the feeling of his fingers forcing her to close her eyes against the energy from that one simple touch. It lasts only a second though before she finds herself again and she pulls away. She has a plan that was working out fine until a few minutes ago, and that included no Chuck Bass. She is not going back now.

"Why are you here, Chuck?" she asks tiredly.

He doesn't know what to say at first, because I love you doesn't automatically fix everything the way it did a year ago. "I miss you."

She sets her jaw and refuses to admit, even to herself, that she misses him too.

Her silence is deafening and it cuts him to his core. He's ready to walk away but he can't.

"I'm selling the Empire," he admits without thinking and can clearly see the emotion flash on her face before she can hide it.

She's absolutely shocked, and a little elated, but there is no way she's going to let him see that. "I'm sorry," she finds herself calmly saying as her heart pounds in her chest. "I know how important it is to you."

"It's not that important, Blair," he tells her confidently. "It wasn't worth losing you over."

Within an instant there's tears gathering in her eyes and suddenly it hurts to be so close to him, because she's been wanting to hear him say that for way too long. She cannot do this with him again; not now, not ever. "Well, maybe you should hold onto the hotel then," she advises, a sick sweetness to her voice, "I would hate for you to be left with nothing."

Chuck lets out a frustrated sigh and takes a step forward, his face inches from hers. "Tell me what I can do to fix this."

Ignoring him, she looks away and steps back. "You know, I really should get back to work. I have a paper due tomorrow and I need to finish it," she mutters, almost to herself, "and if I want to go Ivy, it has to be perfect, so.."

"You're transferring?" he interrupts, softly. He should be the first to know such a huge detail of her life, and the fact that he doesn't even have a clue about it is crushing. A sad smile curls his lips. "That's great."

"It is great, isn't it?" she agrees as brightly as she can fake. "I sent in the paperwork to a couple schools a few weeks ago and my advisor thinks I have a good chance of getting accepted. Then, finally, I can get back on track and forget the last year even happened."

He studies her silently, not sure if she means the last year at NYU or the last year with him. He's too afraid to ask her to clarify.

"So you see, I'm very busy right now. It was good to catch up though."

"Waldorf.."

"Bye Bass," she says, pretending to be aloof, and closes the door in his face.

She quickly settles back at her desk and tries to get back to work. She wasn't lying when she said she has a paper due tomorrow. It is for her psychology class and it had to be at least ten pages of information that she can't quite get herself to care about right now. She doesn't have a choice though, it has to be flawless.

Getting up, she decides she needs a break to regain her focus after such a horrible interruption. She knows immediately she's going to get food to binge on but doesn't think twice about it. It has become a daily occurrence at this point. It helps calm her nerves and ease her stress and occupy her mind. Most importantly though, it makes her feel in control. She's able to manipulate her food intake and outtake and easily control her weight by carefully counting calories and purging. It feels like the only thing in her life she has any control of at all right now.

When it first started again a month ago, she always told herself it wasn't the same as when she was younger. Now, she doesn't even bother because she knows it's exactly like it was then. Honestly, though, she's realized that she never really thought it was a problem even back then. The only reason why she stopped was because her father caught her, and her parents and Serena freaked out and wouldn't leave her alone. She didn't get sick and she didn't lose control of it. She was always completely in control of her bulimia.

Now the only real difference is that there is no one around to notice. Her parents live in France, Serena is always busy, and she is phasing Chuck out of her life.

She walks back into her dorm a half hour later with an order of fettucini alfredo under her arm and the only thing she promises herself is that she'll stop once she gets to Yale. Because then, everything in her life will be perfect enough that she won't need to anymore.

She settles herself on the floor with the styrofoam container balancing in her lap and promptly begins her ritual. She twirls a noodle around the plastic take-out fork and pushes the bite into her mouth. The smooth, creamy alfredo feels like instant comfort on her tongue and the food slides easily down her throat. Her actions are calculated, each mouthful nearly the same size and quickly chewed and swallowed only to be immediately replaced by a new bite.

The soothing process only lasts a few delightful minutes before her stomach is bloated and aching and the food has run out.

She pushes herself off the floor and collects herself before making her way through the hallways to the bathroom. There's a girl at the sink when she enters and she has to anxiously wait in the stall a few minutes for her to leave before she begins. Once she knows she's alone, she leans over the toilet, and slides her finger to the back of her throat. She knows the exact place to touch and she gags a few times before it all starts to rush out of her.

Her body feels flush and beads of sweat form on her forehead. She spits and coughs out the last of the bile in her throat and her head feels a zillion times bigger than her body. She blinks and everything unexpectedly goes dark. Panic fills her and she wildly blinks and dizzily tries to keep her feet steady and secure on the tile floor as it seems to shift beneath her. It's only a few seconds before the world comes back into focus, but she's still too dizzy to even attempt to leave. She leans her back against the stall and takes deeps breath, trying to calm her racing heart.

She's not sure how long she stands there before she knows she'll be able make it back to her dorm. When she gets there, she's utterly exhausted, way more than she usually is after the deed is done. She can't blow off her paper though, so she sits her tired body in her desk chair and begins to painstakingly write the essay that is essential to achieving her perfect future.

–––

Ten days later, he signs the Empire over to the highest bidder. He takes a significant hit to his bank account but the weight off his shoulders makes it worth it.

Coincidentally, the same day Chuck sells the hotel, Gossip Girl finally gets her shot of Queen B.

She's walking into the new restaurant Eat, looking beyond amazing dressed in a bold green coat, a brightly colored dress peeking out from underneath, and little yellow heels with a big grin plastered on her face.

He can tell even from the picture just how fake her smile is.

It frustrates him to his core to see her being so falsely over joyous. All it does is remind him of how unbelievably fake she was with him the last time he saw her. He hates to see her pretending to be so happy because it reminds him so much of the girl she was before Victrola even happened. He knows he has no right to be mad at her right now, but he's beyond frustrated with her suddenly.

All he wants to do is make that fake smile disappear and make her face reality.

His reality is becoming almost unbearable.

He remembers how she immediately (and kind of jealously) brought up the girls he was seen with on Gossip Girl, and he quickly formulates a plan.

"Stacy," he drawls into his blackberry as he walks through his new suite at The Palace, "how would you like to accompany me to dinner tonight? What time?" He pauses, thinking of the picture of his ex one more time with a devious smirk. "How about now?"

–––

Blair gets accepted into both Yale and Columbia for the fall semester.

She expects to feel elated. The perfect combination of joy and pride one can only achieve when their dreams are finally being realized should be overwhelming her at this point. She's definitely not supposed to feel so confused.

"I just need to think for a day or two before deciding," she calmly tells her advisor when she hears the news.

She studies the acceptance letters for hours, memorizing every word and questioning them all. Momentarily she wonders if it's really Dean Barube's signature under the words '_I admire your dedication to the school and your hardwork has proven that any past indiscretions really are a thing of the past_,' but it's definitely the same signature from the last acceptance letter she got.

She forces herself to sound excited when she calls her parents to share the news.

"Blair-Bear, that's amazing!" her father congratulates her over the phone. "I always knew you were destined to be a Bulldog, despite what happened last year at Constance."

"I know, Daddy," she agrees with faux joy, "It's fate."

"We'll come to New York straight away, Roman and myself, and your mother and Cyrus as well. We must celebrate this achievement! I'm so proud of you, sweetie."

She hangs up in a daze that she can't quite shake.

This is supposed to be her dream. Her whole life, with the exception of the last year, was always building to this moment; but it doesn't feel like a dream come true at all. Honestly, now that the acceptance letter is in her hand, she's not so sure she wants it.

She doesn't know what she wants anymore.

Somewhere along the way, she lost herself. She's not sure when it happened, all she knows is that when she studies herself in the mirror, she's not quite sure who she's looking at anymore.

She knows who she is as Blair Waldorf, girlfriend of billionaire Chuck Bass; best friend of socialite Serena van der Woodsen, daughter of fashion designer Eleanor Waldorf.

She just isn't doesn't know who Blair Waldorf is on her own anymore.

At first she only wanted to go to Yale because her father went there, she first wanted to date Nate because her mother wanted her to, and she first wanted to be thin and beautiful because Serena was. The only thing she ever started to want on her own was Chuck Bass, and she let herself get so wrapped up in him that she didn't even think before sacrificing everything for him.

At some point, she stopped caring about her own wants and needs and focused solely on Chuck's. Maybe that's where everything went wrong.

The next day her family takes the red eye from Paris to New York and meet her at a restaurant to celebrate. She's attacked with hugs and kisses and congratulations and its suffocating. The only praise she enjoys is from her mother.

"Blair, you look fabulous!" Eleanor raves, admiring her figure. "So trim and slender."

She spins for her mother's benefit and smiles. She's managed to focus and lose another three pounds in the last week and a half.

They immediately get seated and she's forced to listen as they go on and on about Yale and her future and how much better off she is without Chuck (apparently even European tabloids are interested in the sordid affairs of the young New York playboy). She ignores the conversation and let's her parents continue to talk about what they think of her life.

She takes big gulps of wine and orders herself the lobster ravioli dripping in butter sauce and tries to pretend she's not here.

–––

When he first arrived, Chuck's plan was to throw it in her face that he was on a date to get a reaction, but once he saw Blair was with her family, he just couldn't. He wouldn't even have come here if Gossip Girl had mentioned Harold and Eleanor were with her. He doesn't want to ruin their opinion of him and he knows how important Blair's family is to her. He doesn't want to mar what little time she has with them while their in town.

So instead, he's sitting quietly in the corner of the room, not paying any attention to Stacy across from him. He admires Blair from across the room and wants to catch her eye but she never even looks up from her plate once while she eats. She looks so small and sad that he can't make himself look away or leave like he knows he should.

He sees her put on a fake smile and excuse herself to the restroom, and instantly he gets up to follow her without even a word to the chatty model he's with. Quickly, he crosses the room and tries to avoid being seen by his ex's family. He reaches the back of the restaurant and the small deserted hallway where the bathrooms are and he looks both ways to check if the coast is clear before silently slipping into the women's restroom.

He sees only one stall closed and recognizes the yellow heels underneath, so he takes it upon himself to soundlessly lock the door behind him. Leaning back against the wood panel, he's prepared to wait and surprise her when she comes out, but he's not prepared for her to surprise him.

Chuck watches curiously as her feet move under the stall door until she very clearly sinks to her knees before the toilet, the soles of her shoes turning up at him.

His brow furrows in confusion and he takes a step forward.

Within seconds, unmistakeable gagging noises fill the air and his heart stops in his chest. His mouth drops in shock and his blood runs cold as he listens to her retch and hears the contents of her stomach splash against the porcelain. She quietly coughs and spits and he can't believe what he's hearing.

She has to be sick; there's no other reason he's willing to except.

The toilet flushes and he can see her feet slowly move to get up and he panics. Without giving himself a chance to think, Chuck bolts. As quickly and quietly as he can, he flees the bathroom, ignoring a scandalized women on the other side of the door. He hides his face as he crosses the restaurant and deposits himself back at his table, huffing as he drops into his seat.

Immediately, Stacy starts in on him and he can't even begin to deal with her incessant chatter.

"Shut up," he seethes through gritted teeth at the brainless girl, before his eyes snap to the brunette making her way back into the dinning area.

Right away he notices things about her that didn't occur to him just minutes before. She looks down when she walks as if she's unsure of herself, something Blair has never shown publicly in her life, and he can see bags underneath her brown eyes. Most importantly though, he takes note of her decidedly slimmer figure. Now that he looks beyond just her beauty, he can tell the roundness of her curves has diminished greatly while her wrists are starting to look bony.

He shakes his head in disbelief.

She sits with her family and he wants nothing more than to see her telling them she's sick and she needs to go home; it's the only thing that would make the horrible thoughts in his head go away. But only a minute after she sits down, she laughs; full, happy, girly giggles erupt from her mouth like she didn't just vomit her guts out and he feels absolutely sick.

The pieces of the puzzle fit together so clearly that he can't even try to deny it.

There's a crushing weight on his chest and he can't stand to sit idly by and watch her anymore. He hastily drops a few bills onto the table and leaves the restaurant by himself. He needs to think, so he decides to forgo his limo and walk the distance back to The Palace.

How could she do that to herself? Doesn't she know how perfect she is?

It just doesn't make any sense.

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_TBC... I'd love to hear what you think about the story! Feedback is appreciated! :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you to everyone that reviewed. You guys are amazing! I really love getting feedback. I'm sorry this update took so long, I just have final projects and crazy professors and yeah.. But anyways, I hope this is good enough to make up for it a little bit. :)_

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When Blair walks out of her last final, she can't help but feel the first little bit of happiness she'd felt in weeks. All she has to do now is pack her things and then NYU will be a thing of the past and she'll be free to finally realize her destiny of being at an Ivy (even if she still hasn't decided which Ivy to attend). She grins at the few students still in the halls as she passes, feeling friendly for the first time since she's now assured she'll never have to deal with these people again, but her smile falters when she reaches her dorm.

"Chuck," she barks, her brow furrowing in anger when she catches sight of her ex leaning against her door, a bouquet of peonies in one hand and a box of Godiva chocolates in the the other. "I think it's a little late for flowers and chocolates to fix everything."

"This isn't an apology," he states, his brown eyes studying her with a look she can't quite read. "I just came to congratulate you on getting transferred."

"Oh," she quietly breathes, surprised, "Thanks." A tiny smile curls her lips as she accepts the gifts he presents her with. She studies the petals for a long moment, not sure what to say, when she feels his fingers on her chin, easing her gaze to meet his.

"I'm really happy for you."

He's so close and looking at her so intensely, that she can practically feel how much he cares about her as his fingers sweep across her cheek. The moment feels intimate, and her eyes snap to his lips and for the first time in what feels like forever, all she wants do to is kiss him; but she refuses to give in. She shakes her head to clear it, straightens her back and steps away. "I'm happy for me too. Now I can finally go Ivy like I always planned to and build the life I'm destined for."

His eyes look almost sad as he continues to study her carefully, and she's not sure what to make of him right now. "Sounds like everything is going perfectly for you."

"It is," she agrees, forcing herself to smile. "Now if you'll excuse me," she starts, steeping around him to her door, "I really need to start packing. Dorota will be here in a little white with the movers so…"

"I was actually hoping we could talk," he suggests a little too eagerly. "We could have lunch at your favorite restaurant and I could have Arthur help Dorota pack for you."

She lets out a tired, heavy breath, "No, Chuck. It was surprisingly nice of you to stop by, but like I said, flowers and chocolates can't fix this."

With that, she turns into her room and shuts the door behind her.

The bouquet falls onto her empty vanity, but the box of chocolates stays grasped in her hands. Without a thought she pulls the delicate bow off and pops a small morsel into her mouth, the decadent chocolate melting in her mouth and easing her soul. She sets the box down next to the flowers and moves to her closet, pulling out an oversized suitcase.

It'd been almost two weeks since she'd last seen him, and in that time she'd actually started to convince herself she was over everything that happened. But seeing him and being closer to him than she had since their break up brought it all back.

She pulls a dress from its hanger and drops it haphazardly into the suitcase on the floor, before quickly crossing the room and popping another chocolate into her mouth. She moves back and forth across the room, slowly emptying her closet as well as the box of chocolates until she's left with an overflowing suitcase and a painfully bloated stomach.

She zips her luggage, and checks her watch, and knows she has just enough time before Dorota arrives.

–––

He watches from around the corner as she hastily enters the bathroom and his chest tightens.

He knew she'd never admit it to him if he simply confronted her; she was too proud. He had to catch her in the act so there was no room for denial.

It'd taken him a week of struggling with the plan until he finally realized he had no choice. The chocolates were the bait he'd lain out for her, but he'd honestly wished with all his heart that she wouldn't take it. His heart is breaking knowing that she did.

He counts to thirty before silently following her into bathroom.

–––

She coughs one last time, wipes her mouth on her cardigan before quickly rising to her feet. Everything spins around her still, but over the past month she's learned to power through it. She takes a deep breath to steady herself and flushes away the evidence.

She turns and opens the stall door and finds herself staring right into hazel eyes.

Her stomach drops and her palms start to sweat and she immediately opens her mouth to make an excuse, but the look in Chuck's eyes tells her he already knows everything. Her cheeks flush bright red with embarrassment and shame and she has to look away.

"I don't know how long this has been going on," he starts slowly, his voice low and thick with emotion, "but it ends now." He can see her trembling and he's so worried he can't help but reach out to her.

She flinches away from his touch and still can't meet his eyes. The air is suffocating in there and all she wants to do is run away, but she can't make her feet move.

"I mean it, Blair," he repeats sternly, "you can't keep doing this." He studies her for a long moment as she stares off into the distance, and her silence is so frustrating he can't take it. "Blair.." he starts again, taking hold of her wrist.

She feels so backed into a corner that she decides she has no choice but to let her claws come out, and she's so mad at him for suddenly deicing to care that she sees red. "I heard you, Bass!" she all of the sudden yells, ripping her arm violently from his grasp and turning her eyes back on him.

He's momentarily thrown off, but at this point he'll take any response he can get. "Good. Then this is over."

She shakes her head incredulously and glares at him. "You can't tell me what to do anymore," she growls. "We're not a couple, remember?"

"Don't try to change the subject," he snaps, his eyes blazing. "You just made yourself puke your guts out." He pauses and lets out a frustrated breath, before starting again, this time much softer. "At this point, whatever is going on between us doesn't matter. The only thing that does, is that you don't ever do it again."

Deep down, she knows he's only concerned about her, but she simply doesn't care right now. Plus, even though she knows she can stop whenever she wants, there's no way she's going to stop for him. "No, the only thing that matters is that you stay out of my business."

"You will always be my business, whether you want to admit you like it or not," he drawls, stepping towards her, his eyes soft despite her hardness. "I just don't understand why you are doing this to yourself," he states quietly. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known and you're so strong. It doesn't make any sense that you.."

"Shut up," she icily demands, interrupting him because she just can't listen to him. She's scared he'll look at her differently now that he knows, but more than that she's scared he's just lying because he feels guilty that his pathetic ex is a bulimic. After all, he did sell her out. "It doesn't concern you, Chuck."

"But it does!" he retorts, his frustration with her boiling over. "You're hurting yourself and I refuse to sit by and watch you waste away."

"Like it would really matter to you anyways," she mutters, sighing and pushing past him.

He scowls and follows right on her heels out into the hallway. "Don't be so dramatic, Blair, you know how much I care about you."

"Oh really? And how would I know that?" she asks with a sarcastic laugh. "Maybe I'm falling behind and I just I didn't realize trading your girlfriend for a hotel is the new I love you." She rolls her eyes.

"You're being ridiculous," he points out. "I know you. You're just deflecting because you don't want to admit to me that you have a problem."

"I don't have a problem!" she bellows when they reach her hallway. She looks around and smiles fakely for the couple people in the hallway that turned to stare, before talking quietly to him again. "I don't have a problem, Chuck. And even if I did, you would be the last person I would ever go to for help." She can see his jaw twitch, and she knows she's hurting him, but she doesn't care. All she cares about is shutting him up.

They reach her dorm and her brow furrows in confusion when she sees the door wide open.

"Hello?" she calls, hesitantly sticking her head in and looking around as Chuck does the same. She catches sight of Dorota sitting huddled on the floor clutching her stomach and she immediately runs to her maid, forgetting all about the conversation she just had. "Oh my god, Dorota!"

"Miss Blair!" Dorota calls, winching. "I so sorry. My stomach hurt all day and baby kick and kick and now I think my water break on your sheets."

Her eyes wander to the wet sheets next to her maid on the floor and she's surprisingly not disgusted at all and is instead smiling. "You're having the baby? That's so exciting!" She wraps Dorota in a huge hug, but is almost immediately pushed away when a contraction erupts in the woman's belly.

The women hisses and groans in pain and erupts into a string of Polish words Blair can only guess to be curses. She dutifully holds her hand and wipes her sweaty brow as it happens and winces in apathy.

"We need to get you to the hospital," she states worriedly. "We'll go get a cab, okay?"

"Take the limo."

Her eyes jump up to meet Chuck's and she realizes he's been right beside her the whole time.

"I don't know," she states hesitantly.

"Blair, just take the limo," he tiredly orders. "You know Arthur with get you there as quickly and safely as possible."

She sighs and looks at her miserable maid once, before nodding in agreement.

"What about movers?" the maid asks as Blair helps her to stand. "They be here any minute to get furniture."

Again Chuck steps up. "I'll take care of it."

"Chuck, I really don't think.."

"Just go, Blair. It's not a big deal," he assures her with a small smile, but she doesn't return it. Instead she just shrugs listlessly and leads Dorota out the door, leaving him alone in her dorm room.

It only takes a second for his eyes to fix on the empty chocolate box on the desk and his heart sinks all over again. There is no way he is going to let this go.

–––

Nine hours later, when Blair's things are safe where they belong and Dorota's had her baby, Chuck enters the hospital with a small pink bear in his grasp. He slowly makes his way to the waiting room in the maternity ward and instantly recognizes the brunette curls in the corner.

She's got her head in her hands when he reaches her and he frowns at the way her shoulders are softly shaking.

"Hey."

Her eyes snap to his and his chest constricts when he sees her brown eyes rimmed in red and tears streaked on her cheeks.

"Did something happen? I thought everything was fine."

She shakes her head and looks at the ground again. "Dorota's healthy. Vanya's ecstatic. Anastasia's beautiful," she explains, her voice thick with tears.

He's confused but he's even more concerned. He silently takes a seat next to her and waits patiently until she's ready to speak.

"It's not fair," she whispers, studying the patterns in the tile floor, "Why couldn't we have that?"

"A baby?" he wonders in disbelief.

"No, not a baby," she mumbles with a sigh. She bits her lip and sniffles before continuing. "You should see them, Chuck. I've never seen two people so completely happy and in love in my life."

His brow furrows in confusion. "We've always been way more in love than them, Blair, you know that."

"But it's never enough. We can never be happy just being together. We always have to play games and make everything a huge mess."

He moves to argue, but she looks up at him again and her tears silence him.

"I want what Dorota and Vanya have. Real love," she states resolutely but quietly, "Pure and simple love. Why can't that be enough?"

"It is enough, Blair," he quickly assures her. "I know we messed it all up at the end, but we were happy before that." He watches as she sinks back in her chair and he studies her. "Why are you so upset about this now? I thought you were finally getting the life you were destined for," he ponders, quoting her from earlier that day.

She shrugs and looks away. "You and I were in love and then you broke my heart, and I spent the last month trying to do everything possible not to face that fact. I pretended we never happened and it was working fine," she explains. "I got into Yale and Columbia and I should be ecstatic and moving on. But seeing them together, so happy and in love without a problem in sight, just broke my heart all over again because it hit me that that will never be us." She starts to cry harder. "That was supposed to be us someday, Chuck."

"And it will be us," he offers quickly. "I still love you and I'm so sorry for what I did. We can make this work."

She shakes her head softly and bites her lip.

"You can't tell me you don't love me too."

"But that's not all that matters, Chuck," she tells him, becoming exasperated. "I hate who I had become with you."

"Yes, and your recently acquired eating habits are proof that you are so much better off without me," he retorts sarcastically.

Her emotions shift and she glares at him. "Don't, Chuck."

"What? It's true," he explains confidently. "If everything was going so well for you like you've been pretending for everyone, you wouldn't do that to yourself." He reaches out and takes her hand in his and she surprisingly doesn't pull away. "You're beautiful; absolute perfection and I don't understand.."

"It's not all about my looks."

"Then what is it about?"

She sighs and shrugs.

It's about never being good enough. It's about Nate and Marcus cheating on her and Carter leaving with a word. And it's about Chuck, the one boy she truly believed loved her more than anything, trading her for his business like she was nothing. It's about Jack and his disgusting fingers on her skin and the shame she still feels when she looks in the mirror and hating herself for what she did. It's about her minions and her mother who can't stop praising how good she looks. It's about Serena never paying enough attention.

Biggest of all, though, it's about not having a clue who she is or what she wants anymore and trying desperately to get some kind of control over anything in her life right now.

But there's no way she's going to tell any of that to him. He obviously has no clue how far back this goes and how deep her problems truly run, so she's not going to let him know because then he'll never leave her alone.

"I don't know," she states lamely. "But what you saw today was not exactly as it seemed. It was just a mistake and it's only happened a few times," she pauses and meets his eyes, doing everything possible to make him believe her lie, "and I promise I won't do it anymore."

He can't decipher if she's telling the truth or not, but he doesn't have a chance to respond before she's pulling her fingers from his and standing up.

"Come on," she starts, forcing herself to smile as she wipes away the remnants of tears on her cheeks. "Dorota is probably getting antsy. She really wants you to meet Anastasia."

He nods silently and follows behind her down the hallway, scrutinizing her frame as they walk.

There is no way this was just few time occurrence. He barely recognizes the body he'd spent months memorizing and worshiping and he guesses she may have even lost more than ten pounds by now. He doesn't listen as Dorota and Vanya ooh and aah over their baby, because all he can hear and see right now is her.

Blair Waldorf is quickly becoming a shell of the strong, beautiful girl he's always known, and he intends to put a stop to it, whether she wants his help or not.

–––

She wanders into the penthouse very, very early the next morning and the silence that greets her is unsettling.

Serena is with Nate, her mother and Cyrus are back in Paris, and Dorota won't be back for at least the next two months now that she has a baby. For the first time ever, she is completely alone in the huge, extravagant home she grew up in and she's not sure what to do.

Slowly, she ascends the stairs, each step against the marble echoing in the quiet. She enters her room, and everything is in the exact right spot. Her jewelry from her dorm has been added to the rest of her collection at her vanity, and when she checks her closet, she can see all her clothes have been hung up and put away as well. There's fresh purple hydrangeas in the vase by her bed.

It's painfully obvious that Chuck was in her room; that he did all this for her.

The thought sends her right back down the stairs to the kitchen.

She's too tired to binge, but to anxious to sleep, so she decides to forgo the food for now and instead pulls a bottle of champagne from the rack. Grabbing a glass, she takes it and the bottle with her into the living room. She quickly locates the dvd she wants, and minutes later she's settled on the couch, her heels kicked away and a glass of champagne in her grasp as Moon River plays softly throughout the room.

She tries to immerse herself in the movie like she always does, but it's difficult. Visions of Chuck listening to her vomit in the bathroom and then watching her cry at the hospital continue to flood her mind and heighten her thirst.

_'You know those days when you get the mean reds?'_

She's seen this movie a million times but Holly's words suddenly catch her interest.

_'The mean reds, you mean like the blues?'_

_'No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?'_

She frowns at the screen and empties her glass on her tongue. She seems to get that feeling a lot lately. Maybe that's what's been going on, just a bad case of the mean reds, because that's exactly how she feels. She's hurt and she's scared and she doesn't know exactly why or how to get out of it anymore.

She passes out after four glasses of champagne and before Paul ever gets a chance to make Holly happy.

–––

The next morning, he gets up after only a few hours of restless sleep and immediately heads down the halls of the Palace to Nate's suite on the other side of the building.

"Chuck," Serena greets shortly, a blanket around her waist and her boyfriend's sweatshirt on her shoulders. "Nate's at school taking his finals right now so.."

She moves to shut the door and he jumps forward, stopping it with his arm. "I actually came to see you," he admits, moving past her to go into the suite. "I need to talk to you about Blair."

"You don't say?" the blonde mutters, reluctantly closing the door behind her. "Well if you are looking for information, you've come to the wrong place. She hasn't even told me why you guys aren't together anymore so I don't have anything to tell you."

"When was the last time you saw her?" Chuck pries, his strong stance letting her know he means business.

"I don't know, a week or two ago? She's been really busy with school so I haven't been able to see her much lately," she answers, her brow furrowing in confusion at him. "Why?"

"Because she looks like she's lost about ten pounds in the last month."

"What?" she questions, shocked and concerned.

"And I caught her twice, doing something I can't even comprehend.."

"Oh my god," Serena mutters, shaking her head. "She's sick again?"

"You knew?" he questions in disbelief. "You knew she was making herself throw up and you did nothing?"

"I knew about it in high school, I didn't know she was doing it again now."

His eyes widen at his sister and he's completely dumbfounded. "In high school?"

"Are you really sure that's what is going on Chuck?" Serena questions, ignorantly hopeful.

"I'm sure," he reiterates, "I confronted her and she didn't deny it. She just told me it was a mistake and promised it wouldn't happen again."

"Well maybe it won't. Did she call her doctor?"

His face contorts in worry at the mention of a doctor and he's instantly so much more concerned than he ever was before. "Serena, I didn't even know this happened before, how would I know about that?"

"I don't know," she mutters, suddenly turning to find her clothes. "All I know is we need to go talk to her now."

"Shouldn't we make a plan first?" he points out, turning his back to allow her to change. "I tried to talk to her before and she basically blew me off, why wold it be different now?"

"No plans, Chuck," she warns, walking past him, fully dressed, and grabbing her purse. "This is serious. If Blair is relapsing then she just needs support, no scheming."

When they arrive at Blair's building, Chuck steadies his emotions and follows Serena into the towering building, his jaw set and his shoulders back because he's on a mission. He's got to do this for Blair because obviously she was much worse off then he ever thought.

Everything comes to a sudden halt when the security guard at the door pushes a hand against his chest.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bass. I've been given strict orders that you are no longer allowed upstairs."

His mouth drops and his eyes narrow. "You're kidding right?" he growls, getting in the man's face. "You can not keep me from seeing-"

"Chuck," Serena interrupts, placing a hand on his shoulder and pulling him back. "I'll go talk to her."

"Serena.."

"Just wait down here and I'll come get you in a little bit, okay?"

His eyes flash to the unflinching security guard and he reluctantly nods, watching the blonde move quickly down the hall as he's forced out of the building.

–––

Three cigarettes and thirty minutes later, there's still no word from upstairs. He's been trying desperately to think about anything but the unbelievable sickness and worry in his gut that grows with each passing second, but it's impossible.

He looks down to check his phone, hoping maybe he'd gotten a text from his sister, when suddenly he's being shoved as hard as possible against the brick building.

"Ow!" he groans, his eyes flying up to meet Serena's furious blue ones. "What the hell, sis?!"

"I can't believe you, Chuck!" Serena yells, shoving him again. "How could you do that to her?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"She told me why you guys broke up," she bellows, scowling at him with a hand on her hip.

He lets out a heavy breath and looks away in shame.

"And then, you had your PI dig up that Blair used to be bulimic and now you're lying and trying to use that information to trick me into helping you get her back!"

His eyes snap back to hers in disbelief. "Is that what she said?"

"You're despicable, Chuck," she spits in utter disgust.

"She's lying to you, Serena!"

"She is?" she asks, sarcastically. "So you didn't set her up to sleep with Jack in exchange for your beloved Empire?"

His mouth hanging open in incredulity. "Well, that part is kind of true, but.."

"That's what I thought," Serena states smugly. She turns to go back in, but stop and meet his eyes one last time. "Stay away from her, Chuck," she warns. "You don't deserve her."

He's left baffled, staring after her in shock. His heart is racing and he's completely at a loss for what the hell just happened.

–––

"I got rid of him," Serena informs her best friend as she cuddles up with her on the couch.

Blair forces herself to smile, but she can't help but feel a little guilty as she rests her head on Serena's shoulder. "Thanks, S."

She couldn't admit to Serena that she is sick again because she would freak out and tell her parents and bring her doctors into it and it would be way too much for her to handle. She didn't have a choice; she had to blame everything on Chuck.

It wasn't her fault Serena was way too easy to fool.

"I love you, B," the blonde reassures her as she runs her fingers through her hair comfortingly.

Blair nods, and lets herself to be consoled, not allowing herself to think any more about the boy that had been waiting for her outside.

* * *

_TBC.. Feedback is greatly appreciated! I'd love to know what you think of the story so far..._


	8. Chapter 8

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Everyone that reviewed, you guys are amazing! :) Thank you so much! I am so sorry that this took so long again. Is it weird that I'm so excited for the finale that it took me awhile to get into focusing on my own story? Probably, but oh well. Anyways, I've started the next chapter, so let me know what you guys think and I'll post more way sooner than last time. Your reviews really motivate me to keep this thing going._

* * *

The two best friends spend the day curled on the couch, watching a marathon of Audrey movies (Blair pretends she hadn't already watched Tiffany's once that morning) and going over again and again what a true basstard Chuck Bass is.

At first, Blair is a little relieved to have someone to talk about everything with now, but that small relief quickly dies when Serena won't shut up about it. The blonde won't stop fussing over her, and it's clear to Blair that Serena feels guilty about being too distracted with her own life to know what was going on with her best friend. It's nice and sweet, but the last thing Blair wants to think or talk about is her ex-boyfriend, so she decides to use her best friend's guilt to her advantage and convince her they should go out dancing that night (because since obviously Serena isn't going to leave her alone long enough to binge or even begin to let her to skip a meal, she's determined to get drunk instead.)

She wears jeans for the first time in years and downs classless mixed drinks of soda and vodka and dances with boys that she's sure have unfavorable breading, all things she hates, but at least she's distracted.

She pushes herself away from a shaggy blond boy whose hands keep straying below her waist and quickly exits the dance floor and stumbles to the bar. She orders a shot from the bartender and feels Serena come up to her side as she downs it. She slams down the glass and orders another one for herself, as well as one for her friend.

"B, slow down," Serena chides, "We don't want a repeat of last time when you threw up a million times."

Blair's lips form into a tight smile and her stomach grumbles sickly. She opens her mouth to respond when she's interrupted by both her and Serena's cell phones going off. She doesn't even bother to dig out her phone from her clutch and instead peaks over at the blond's. Immediately she rolls her eyes at the picture of her and Serena dancing next to each other, each with a different boy.

"Spotted: B and S starting the summer slumming it out on the town," Serena reads aloud, a horrified look on her face. "We all know B has been single for a while, so we're happy to finally see her out of hiding and moving on from C. But what is S doing all over another guy? I thought once she and N finally got together, slutty Serena would be a thing of the past. Guess old habits really do die hard."

Blair giggles drunkenly but stops when she receives an annoyed look.

"I can't believe she twisted it like that! Nate is probably freaking out."

"He is not freaking out. He trusts you," Blair assures her friend. "And why wouldn't he? You guys don't play stupid games or lie to each other or keep secrets." She shakes her head to herself and turns her lip up at the thoughts of her ex that enter her mind. She silences her mind by downing her shot.

"But I didn't get a chance to tell him we were going out tonight."

"So what? The guy you're dancing with in that picture is wearing mandals, Serena. _Mandals_. Nate would never believe you want that guy."

Serena shakes her head, the panic in her eyes clearly going nowhere. "I have to call him, B," she mutters, already dialing her phone and walking away from the bar. "I'll find you in a few minutes."

Blair sighs and bites her lip. Of course Serena would get distracted by her own drama once again. "Can I get another one of these things?" she calls out to the bartender, waving her shot glass in the air.

Suddenly a warm hand curls around her fingers in the air and her heart flutters violently.

"Don't listen to her, she's fine."

She turns and is temporarily lost in the hazel eyes that greet her, but she quickly finds herself and rips her hand from his as he steals away her glass. Her eyes flash back to the bartender, but when she realizes she's been ignored, she scoffs and glares back at her ex.

"Stalk me much?" She rolls her eyes and turns her back on him.

"I'm not stalking you," Chuck starts, going around her to face her once again, "I'm looking out for you."

"Looking out for me? Oh, like how you were looking out for me when you traded me for your hotel," she screeches incredulously before narrowing her glassy eyes at him. "I don't need _you_ to look out for me."

"Yes, you do," he states. "Someone has to, and since Serena is too dense to see through your lies, you're stuck with me."

"I think I've made it more than clear that I want nothing more to do with you, Bass," she sneers. "You disgust me. It's no wonder I can't keep food down. The mere thought of you makes me have to throw up."

He flinches at her stinging words and his eyes go soft and she can tell he's hurt, but in her drunken state, she considers it a victory. She wants him to hurt, and more than that, she wants him to leave. She turns and tries wave down the bartender again, but he quickly grabs her hand and pulls it down.

"What is going on with you?" he hisses, getting in her face.

"Nothing!"

"Nothing?" he repeats, astounded. "You hardly ever drink and all the sudden you're public intoxication is putting Serena to shame, and that's nothing?" She looks away but says nothing, and he sighs, his voice growing soft. "Making yourself sick is not nothing, Blair."

She opens her mouth to say something, but he stops her.

"Don't try to make excuses, Blair. I'm not Serena, I can tell when you're lying," he gently warns. His face goes all soft again and his eyes shine with compassion. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

She can't handle this right now. She's at the bar of a club, half drunk, standing in front of the man she can't deny she loves, but doesn't trust with her heart anymore, and she just can't take him looking at her like that and being so gentle and caring right now. It's too much.

"Leave me alone, Chuck." She shakes her head softly and pushes against his shoulders to give herself some space.

"No, Blair," he disagrees evenly. "I'm not walking away from this. I'm not giving up on you, no matter what."

She stares him down because she doesn't want to believe him. She doesn't want to feel the ball of love and hope that swells in her stomach at his words, but deep down in a place she refuses to acknowledge, she wants him to fight for her. He remains unwavering so she decides to push him and test if he really won't give up.

"Fine," she starts, forcing a sickly sweet smile on her lips, "if you won't move on, I will."

She moves away from the bar, slapping away his hand as he tries to stop her. She quickly pushes her way through the crowds on the dance floor and stops in front of the boy she thinks she was dancing with earlier.

"Hey, babe," the tall, blond boy grins, "I knew you'd be back for more.."

Quickly, she looks back at Chuck, making sure he's still watching before grabbing the back of the blond's head and pulling him down for a hard kiss. Her skin crawls as his tongue invades her mouth and she squeezes her eyes shut in disgust, but she makes herself painfully count to ten before she pulls away.

Her eyes immediately seek out Chuck but her stomach drops when she sees that he's gone.

"Woah, that was.." the boy trails off and leans in for more but Blair immediately holds him back and walks away without another thought.

She calmly makes her way back to the bar and immediately waves over the bartender, easily ordering herself a double shot of vodka without anyone there to contest.

–––

Chuck storms through the crowds, the rage inside growing with each step he takes. He grits his teeth and tries not to think about the Neanderthal guy pawing her in the other room, but that's impossible. He makes his way to the back of the club to find his sister where he knows she'll be on the phone with her boyfriend. (After all, he was the one who sent in the tip to Gossip Girl so Serena would leave Blair alone for a minute.)

The blond quickly gets off the phone at the sight of brother and scowls at him. "What do you think you're doing here?"

"She is out of control!" Chuck bellows, ignoring his sisters question. "I don't understand why you believed a word Blair told you, sis, but you have to know she was lying!"

"She was not lying, Chuck. You admitted that you sold her out," Serena replies, moving to get around him, but he won't let her.

"Yes, I did. And I'm a horrible person for doing so," he quickly admits. "But I wasn't lying when I told you she was sick."

Serena makes a confused face and frowns. "Blair wouldn't lie to me about that. I'm the only one of us who knew about it and she always tells me if she slips up. Why wouldn't she admit it?"

"I don't know why, all I know is that she lied," Chuck tells her firmly. "Why would I lie about this?"

"She says you're just trying to get her back."

"I told her yesterday that it doesn't matter what's going on between us right now, I just want her to stop hurting herself, and I meant it." He shakes his head dumbly and leans against the wall next to Serena. "I didn't even know she had ever been doing this to herself for more than the past few weeks until you told me."

"You're really not lying?" she asks once more, skeptically.

"I'm not," he tells her honestly, meeting her eyes. "I'm just worried about her."

Serena studies him silently for a long minute before conceding. "She did wear jeans tonight that she hasn't fit in since we were, like, sophomores in high school," she points out quietly, things suddenly making sense. "I'll talk to her about it."

He lets out a relieved sigh.

"But that doesn't mean I'm okay with what you did to her," she briskly adds.

"I know," he agrees, dropping his head back against the wall. "I'm not exactly okay with it either."

She bits her lip and hesitates before asking, "How did that even happen, Chuck?" He barely even shrugs so she continues. "I mean the past year you've become such a good guy. You've been like the perfect boyfriend, I don't understand how you could do that."

He looks at ground and frowns. "I really don't know," he admits quietly. "Maybe I never really was that good of a guy. It was probably only a matter of time before I messed everything up. If I hadn't have done this, I would have found some other way to screw up."

"That's not true," Serena counters softly.

He shrugs and shakes his head to clear it. "It doesn't matter, what's done is done. Just talk to her, okay?"

She nods and gives him a sad smile before leaving him alone in the back room.

He lets out a breath and immediately digs in his pockets for his cigarettes. He walks out the back door and hopes to god that his sister is able to talk some kind of sense into Blair.

–––

When Serena steps enters the room, it takes her a few minutes to locate her best friend. When she finally finds her, she immediately concerned.

"B?" she starts carefully as she slides onto the booth in the corner where Blair is sitting with her head in her hands. "B, are you okay?"

The brunette snaps her head up, turning her wide, watery brown eyes on her friend. "Serena.."

The blond instantly recognizes that Blair is much, much more intoxicated than when she left her. She runs her fingers through her hair comfortingly and tries to ignore the stench of alcohol rolling off her friend. "What, B?"

"Please take me home," she slurs quietly, leaning into her friend.

Serena sighs and nods, realizing just how right Chuck had been. Blair was being completely… un-Blair. She helps her friend to stand and as she struggles to stand, she realizes she'll have to put off talking to her until she sobers up.

The two girls manage to pile into a taxi, and somewhere between the club and the penthouse tears start to make their way down Blair's pink cheeks.

She's not sure exactly what makes her cry because she's pretty sure it's everything all at once. The whole mess that has been building since that night at the Empire finally feels like too much and her whole soul aches from the weight of it all. If this isn't rock bottom, Blair doesn't think she can handle falling any lower.

On top of that, she can't stop thinking about the stupid kiss with that disgusting boy and how she finally managed to push Chuck away, and it just makes her cry harder.

By the time they pull up to her penthouse, she is openly sobbing on Serena's shoulder. Somehow they make it from the cab into the building despite Blair's wobbly legs and they head straight up to the brunette's bedroom. Serena helps Blair under her sheets and slips off her Louboutin heels for her, before climbing in next to her. She gently rubs her best friend's back and whispers calming words to her until she finally cries herself into a restless sleep.

Sleep doesn't come so easily to Serena, though. She can't stop scrutinizing her friends figure and trying to analyze everything that Blair told her that morning in her lie. She pushes herself up from the bed and slowly walks around the room, inspecting. There are picture frames overturned, but other than that everything looks normal.

She decides to go inspect the kitchen, but when she goes down the stairs, her feet slow to a halt in the foyer. Her brow furrows in confusion when she notices a huge bouquet of blue, purple and maroon flowers she knows was not there before her and Blair left that evening. Her long fingers slip between the petals and pull out a small gold card which she immediately opens.

"Oh my god," Serena breathes, her mouth dropping open in shock as she reads the note.

_I can't stop thinking of our night together. I have to see you again. I'll be in touch. -Jack_

* * *

.

_TBC... Please leave me some feedback if you can. Good or bad, I'd really appreciate knowing what you guys think.. :)_


	9. Chapter 9

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thanks you to all that reviewed! I really really appreciate it! This is my second update in two days, which I believe is the fastest I've ever updated, so hopefully all the writing I did while I've was hungover this weekend was worth it! :)_

* * *

_I can't stop thinking of our night together. I have to see you again. I'll be in touch. -Jack_

"Did she see this?"

Serena shakes her head, but the fact that Chuck can't tear his eyes front the note makes it impossible for him to see that.

"Did she see this, Serena?" he demands again, waving the note in his sister's face.

"No, Chuck!" she bellows back, shoving his had away. "I hid it when I found it and I left first thing this morning to come show you. She's probably not even awake yet."

Chuck sighs and falls onto the couch in his Palace suite, his elbows on his knees as he leans forward and thinks. "Good," he breathes, suddenly ripping the note to shreds. "Don't say anything about it to her, do you understand?"

Serena nods, but then pauses, "What if she asks where the flowers came from?"

"I don't know, lie," he suggests like it's nothing. "Tell her you got them for her."

"Okay," she agrees, leaning against the wet bar, "but what are we going to do about Jack? He said he wants to see her again."

"_We_ are not going to do anything. I'll take care of it."

"Chuck," she starts hesitantly, "I'm taking a huge risk trusting you with this. Blair can't handle any more drama right now."

"And she won't have to," he quickly adds, rising to his feet. "I told you; I'll take care of it." He walks across the room, and wraps an arm around her shoulders. "All you have to do is talk to Blair like you promised you would last night," he reminds her as he begins ushering her towards the door, "and pretend like this never even happened."

She stops in the doorway and studies him skeptically before finally nodding in agreement. "You know, despite what you did, you're still a good guy deep down, Chuck," she tells him softly. "If you keep showing her you care, eventually she'll come around."

He says nothing, just nods the slightest bit and silently closes the door behind his sister. He leans against the wood panel for a long moment, lost in thought, before he lets out a breath and straightens. Moving back across the suite he hastily swipes his phone up from atop the bar and hits number three on his speed dial.

"Mike," he snaps into the speaker, "I need you to find me anything you can on what Jack Bass has been up to for the last month. Any deals he's working on, or purchases he's made, down to what he had for dinner last night; I want to know everything."

His gaze lands on a picture of him and Blair he's put out on the coffee table and his eyes narrow.

"And if he even attempts to step foot outside of Australia, let me know immediately."

–––

Blair's eyes flutter open and immediately slam shut against the bright sunshine that greets her.

Her body aches and her mind is hazy and all she can think of at the moment is why she doesn't have her eye mask on, but she's too tired to get up and find it. Instead, she groans and rolls over and tries to buries her head under her pillow. She settles on her tummy, but the new angle on her stomach proves unfavorable and she suddenly doesn't have a choice but to get up.

Her bare feet move as fast as they can across her carpet onto the tile of her bathroom and she gratefully empties her stomach into the porcelain.

She rinses her mouth and let's out a content sigh, but instantly frowns when she sees her reflection.

There are bags under her puffy eyes, her cheeks look full and flushed, and her hair is an absolute mess. She scowls and runs her fingers carefully across her skin and her hair for a few minutes before giving up.

Chewing on her lip, she turns and walks back into her room. She reaches her bedside table and reaches into the drawer for her sleep mask when a pink piece of paper catches her eye. She squints and tries to decipher the girly, curly hand writing.

_Had to go take care of something but I shouldn't be gone long. I'll bring us back breakfast. Love, S :)_

Blair rolls her eyes and sets the note back down where it was like she never even touched it.

She pulls out her sleep mask and slips it on as she crawls back into bed. Slowly she settles against her silk sheets, trying not to think about all the calories whatever Serena brings her for breakfast is going to have as she falls back to sleep.

–––

He fixes his tie in the mirror before walking over to the wet bar and pouring himself a glass scotch. It burns comfortingly down his throat, but does little to calm the fury building within him.

It's barely been a half hour since Serena showed him the note and he's already pretty much come to the conclusion that there are really only two options going forward; he can either hire someone to kill Jack, or he can kill him himself. The first choice would be much less messy and could probably be completed by sundown, but there's a sick satisfaction he gets from the thought of choking the life out of his uncle with his own bare hands.

He takes another huge gulp of his drink.

They had a deal. Chuck got the Empire; Jack got Blair for one night. _One night_. And after that, Jack was never supposed to show his face around here again, and he sure as hell was never supposed to contact Blair again.

He cringes in disgust at the thought of the note. All it did was make him visualize all over again the night that Jack apparently couldn't stop thinking about. All he really knows about that night for sure is the very little that Blair told him when they broke up, which was really not much at all.

He downs the rest of his drink and nearly drops his glass when his cell phone begins ringing at his side.

"Finally," he barks into the phone as if he's been waiting days for the call, because that's what it feels like. "What'd you find? Is he trying to buy any hotels in Australia?"

"No, definitely not," his PI informs him over the phone. "In fact, he's done little more than play the stock market since his brief ownership of the Empire Hotel almost two months ago."

Chuck's brow furrows in confusion and annoyance. "Then why are you bothering me if you haven't found anything?"

"Well, Mr. Bass, you keep referring to Jack Bass being in Australia as if that is his current location and I thought I should inform you I just pinpointed him and that it is not where he is."

"What?" he breathes, his face hardening.

"It appears your uncle has been staying in the city since signing the hotel back to you."

His stomach drops and his jaw sets firmly. "Where?" he growls.

"He's got a suite at the Waldorf Astoria.."

Chuck immediately scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"..room 2016."

He hangs up without a thought and immediately stomps across the room, barely stopping to grab his jacket, before he's out the door.

–––

"Wake up."

She shakes her head and lazily turns the other way.

"B, wake up."

Suddenly there's hands on her shoulders shaking her and she pushes them away. She closes her eyes and tries to fall back asleep, but before she can think her sleep mask is being pulled from her face and she's now officially too annoyed to not be completely awake.

"Serena," she whines, squeezing her eyes shut against the bright room.

"Blair," Serena whines back, mocking her friend. "Come on, I let you sleep in more than I probably should have but if you don't wake up soon your waffles are going to get cold."

The brunette opens her eyes and looks at her friend in disgusted disbelief. "Waffles?" she questions and pushes herself up to sit. "You brought me waffles? I don't own any plaid nor do I frequent any outer borough hangouts, so I don't know what has made you confuse me for a Humphrey, but I am not eating those."

Serena rolls her eyes and picks up a tray containing two full meals from off Blair's vanity and brings it over to the bed. "You're being ridiculous, they're good." She sets the food down in front of Blair and crawls in bed next to her. "Plus they're great hangover food, which judging by your breath and that hair, you definitely have."

Blair frowns and her hands immediately go to flatten out her hair as her friend giggles next to her. Reluctantly, she picks up her fork and stares down at the food. It's already sopping in syrup and most likely already covered in melted butter that she can't even see anymore and her mind can't stop thinking about the amount of sugar and carbs that will immediately turn into fat.

She watches as Serena takes a huge, dripping bite and smiles encouragingly.

She has to eat it, she doesn't have a choice. Serena will notice if she eats differently since Chuck told on her, but she also won't leave her alone long enough to take it back afterwards either. She sighs dejectedly and cuts into the waffle, syrup oozing out from the tiny squares and stabs it with her fork.

"So B.."

The blond starts speaking and Blair takes it as her opportunity to set down her fork and instead grab for one of the glasses of juice on the tray.

"..I was hoping we could talk."

"Sure," she agrees, forcing herself to smile sweetly. "What did you wanna talk about?"

Serena swallows her food and sighs. "There's no easy way to do this."

Blair takes a tiny sip of juice and rolls her eyes. "Just say it, S. We've been best friends since we were three, you should know by now you can tell me anything."

"Exactly," Serena quickly agrees enthusiastically, making her friend's brow furrow in confusion. "You can tell me anything too, B," she continues softly before taking a deep breath and finishing, "Which is why I don't understand why you lied to me yesterday."

Her eyes widen for a split second but she quickly covers it up. "I don't know what you're talking about," she responds evenly. She calmly picks up her fork and puts the piece of waffle she'd cut into her mouth to prove her point, and forces herself not to make a face as her stomach starts to turn.

The blond frowns. "You can tell me the truth. I won't judge you."

She looks away and swallows her bite, but stays silent. She feels her friend put her hand on her shoulder, but she quickly shrugs her off.

Serena lets out a heavy breath. "Come on, Blair. I didn't judge you when you told me what you did with Jack, why would I judge you about this?"

The brunette hastily turns on her friend, her brown eyes wide and enraged. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Her mouth hangs open dumbly. "That-That came out wrong," Serena stutters, instantly feeling horrible.

Blair scoffs and pushes herself off the bed. "I'm sure it did."

"Blair," she immediately calls, jumping up after her, "You know what I meant."

She comes to a sudden stop in the room, turning around so fast Serena nearly topples into her. "Yes, I know exactly what you meant," she agrees, her voice low and venomous. "You meant that you didn't judge me for being a whore, so why wouldn't I trust you not to judge me for being a bulimic too."

Serena just stands there, her mouth opening and closing with nothing to say.

Blair's eyes narrow. "But you know why I didn't have a problem telling you about Jack, Serena? Because I knew you were the last person who could ever judge someone else for being a whore."

The blond's mouth closes into a thin line and her eyes fill with fury and tears.

Blair straightens and stands taller, knowing she's got the upper hand. "I only lied about everything else because I knew _you_ couldn't handle it. You'd twist it and look at it in your bright, happy Serena-world logic, where any problem is solved with a smile and a hug and everything is all sunshine and rainbows. But that's not how this works."

An angry tear slips from Serena's blue eyes but she tries to remind herself that Blair always pushes away people when she needs them most. "I know that, B, I just-"

"Spare me, S. I don't want to hear it," Blair dismisses her with an eye roll. She turns her back on the blond and calmly walks to her vanity and takes a seat like nothing just happened. She slowly begins to brush her knotty hair, but can feel Serena's eyes burning into the back of her head. She turns and looks over her shoulder at the girl and turns her chin up at her. "You can leave now."

Serena lets out a frustrated sigh because obviously there was no getting through to Blair right now. "Fine," she snaps, strutting over and grabbing her clutch from off of the vanity. "You can push me away all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that you have a problem."

Blair keeps her gaze locked on her reflection and bites the inside of her mouth to stop herself from replying (all she wants to do is scream that she definitely does _not_ have a problem) as Serena starts to walk away. She stays completely still as she listens to Serena's heels click against the marble stairs and waits until the elevator dings and closes. Then she snaps.

She pushes herself up from her chair so fast it falls over with loud clatter and she immediately makes her way to the bed and, more specifically, the tray of food. She deftly raises her forgotten fork and cuts into the fatty and slightly cold waffle. The syrup sticks to her lips and the buttery flakes of waffle mash between her teeth, but it slides down deliciously now that she knows she has privacy to purge afterwards. Her fork skillfully moves between the plate and her mouth until there's nothing left but a small puddle of syrup.

Once her plate is finished, she moves on to Serena's.

Within a few minutes she's consumed more calories then she can wrap her hungover mind around and she makes a hasty trip to the restroom, taking the whole binge away in a matter of seconds.

–––

He starts out with a small, almost polite knock on the door, but when there's no answer, it quickly morphs into violent banging.

"Jack!" he bellows, pounding his fist against the door. "Open the door, Jack, I know you're here!"

Still, no one answers.

His eyes flash up and down the nearly empty halls and his feet start moving on their own accord when he zeros in on a cleaning woman on the opposite end. He easily bribes her with a few hundreds and suddenly he's stepping into the suite and slamming the door shut behind him when he sees his uncle is nowhere in sight.

Immediately he starts rummaging through Jack's luggage, trying to find anything he can use against his uncle. All he finds, though, is a bunch of striped ties and a few tailored suits.

He sighs in frustration and drops to sit on the bed. He runs his fingers through his hair and contemplates what to do next when something catches his eye. Reaching out to the bedside table, his heart stops and his stomach turns as he grasps a small photo of a girl in her bra and panties between his fingers.

He immediately recognizes Blair, but at the same time he doesn't. Her hair is a little bit lighter and a little bit longer than it's been in over a year, and her eyes are wide and glassy, kind of like they were last night when she at the bar, only worse, while her lips are dropped into a permanent frown. She barely looks like she knows she's being photographed, but she still manages to look very angry that it's happening.

There's an odd pressure on his chest when he realizes the picture is from last year, when Blair had slept with Jack while he was off in an opium den in Thailand. Suddenly the deal to trade Blair seems so much bigger and worse than his uncle just trying to hurt him anyway he can. Obviously, his uncle had been looking for a way to get to her since the beginning, he was just too blinded by his own selfish needs to see it.

His phone rings in his pocket and he slowly reaches for it in his pocket.

"Chuck," Serena immediately greets him when he answers. "I'm at your suite at the Palace, where are you?"

"I had some business to attend to," he drawls, giving one last look at the picture in his hands before hiding it away in the breast pocket of his suit. "It seems Jack has been in New York this whole time."

"Oh my god, did you see him?"

"I'm in the process of locating him as we speak," he informs her as he stands and begins to walk around the room. "But forget that for now; did you talk to Blair?"

"I tried to," Serena admits, "but she wouldn't talk to me. We ended up getting into a fight and then she threw me out."

He lets out a frustrated sigh and shakes his head. "Serena.."

"I'm sorry, Chuck, but I really tried. You know how she is. She turned everything around on me."

He pauses, thinking back to his attempts to talk to Blair the past few days, and he can't help but agree. "I guess you're right," he begins as he paces back and forth, "but what do we do now?"

"I don't really know. I would say call her parents, but the way she lashed out at me, I don't think bringing them into this is going to help at all."

Chuck lets out a heavy breath and stops in the middle of the room, clearly at a loss of what to do.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Serena asks hesitantly from across the line.

"Of course I have," he barks back incredulously, scowling, "and it sounds like she did the same thing to me as she did to you."

"No, I mean, have you really tried to simply just talk to her?" she gently rephrases. "Without any games or schemes or confrontations?"

"Well, not exactly," he starts quietly, before turning defensive, "but that's not how we are."

"I know, but isn't that part of the reason you guys broke up? Because everything was always a game?"

He's silent but he knows she's right.

"Just try, Chuck."

"Okay, I'll go try to talk to her now."

"Good," she agrees, before stopping. "What about Jack though?"

He shrugs to himself and looks around the room one more time before giving up. "He's not in his suite now, so I'll have to wait my PI finds some more information or just come back later."

"Well I'm gonna go to Nate's suite then, so let me know if you need help with anything."

"I will," he tells her softly. "And thank you, Serena, for believing me about Blair."

She pauses before responding, "I meant what I said this morning. You're a good guy, Chuck, but you made a unbelievably huge mistake. So fix it."

"That's what I'm trying to do.."

He hangs up his phone and heads out of his uncle's suite, sneaking a peak both ways before stepping into the hall. He's on high alert as he makes his way to the elevator, and then from the elevator through the lobby and out to the waiting limo. It's only a short ride from the hotel to the Waldorf penthouse and he finds his eyes darting around the streets looking for his uncle the whole way there.

That's why it should have come as no surprise to see the familiar figure with the disgusting goatee walking into his ex-girlfriend's building, but it still shakes him to his core.

His whole body is immediately on overdrive and he panics when his uncle disappears into the building. He can't even begin to wait for Arthur to drive the last block and he finds himself throwing open the door and dashing onto the sidewalk as the limo makes it's way through the traffic. He honestly cannot remember the last time he ran, but suddenly his Dior loafers are pounding against the concrete and he quickly ducks into the building and past the doorman.

He rushes through the lobby and can see the elevator coming to a rapid close before him, but he still tries to make it. His eyes meet his uncles on the inside and he can't tear them away from his evil smirk until the doors shut while he's two steps away.

His fist slams against the heavy metal doors with a curse and he huffs to catch his breath.

"Mr. Bass!"

He can hear the doorman screaming at him, but he doesn't care. He pushes the elevator button at least twenty times in a row before resting his hands on his knees and waiting.

"Mr. Bass you're not allowed upstairs. I have specific orders from Ms. Waldorf that.."

"I don't care!" he growls, turning mad eyes on the old man.

"Don't make me have to involve the authorities, sir," the man threatens weakly.

"You want to call the cops?" he wonders incredulously, narrowing his eyes on the man. "Then call the cops! There's no way I'm leaving."

He turns away from the small man and straightens when he see the numbers above the elevator are getting closer and closer to the lobby. He smoothes out his suit and steps into the elevator the instant it opens, immediately hitting the penthouse button and waiting anxiously for the doors to close behind him.

–––

Blair calmly sits at her vanity, running her brush through her hair over and over, her dark tendrils still wet from the long bath she had just taken.

The elevator suddenly dings, interrupting the peace she's enjoyed for the past hour, and she's immediately confused. The temporary maid who's filling in while Dorota's on maternity leave only comes on certain days, and today is definitely not one of them, both of her parents are still in Paris, and Chuck is on the permanent ban list downstairs (plus, she's convinced he's done with her for good after her drunken kiss with the blond guy at the bar last night).

She decides that it must be Serena trying to make a second effort and she immediately scowls at her reflection and pushes herself up from the vanity. She ties her long, white silk robe around her waist as she angrily pads her bare feet out of her room to the stairs.

"Really, Serena, this is becoming pathetic.."

"Hello, gorgeous."

The blood drains from her face and her feet freeze in place in the middle of the stairs at the sound of that voice. She squeezes her eyes shut for a long moment and wishes and prays, but when she opens them back up and slowly turns to look over the railing, she finds herself in a nightmare. Her heart suddenly feels like it's beating out of control in panic and the air in the penthouse feels unbelievably thick.

"What? No, hello back? Or even a how have you been? Or I've missed you too?" he wonders, looking up at her with a sick grin.

He takes a step forward and she immediately takes and jumpy one backward, the back of her robe flattening against the huge window.

He laughs condescendingly at her and shakes his head, before turning to finger the flowers sitting in the foyer. "I see you got my gift."

Her brow furrows in confusion at the flowers she's never even seen before, but she still can't seem to find any words; luckily she doesn't need them. Relief instantly floods her veins when the elevator dings and Chuck comes rushing out, but she can't shake the terrified look she knows is on her face.

Chuck pauses for a split second, looking back and forth between Blair and Jack before seeming to come to a decision.

Before any of them can think, he clears the two steps to his uncle and slams his fist against the older mans jaw with all his might, sending him clear across the room.

* * *

_TBC... If you have a chance, please leave me some feedback. :) I don't want to beg, but kind of a low percentage of the people who have this favorited or alerted leave me reviews, and I'm not complaining, because I really do appreciate everyone that does it already.. I'm just kind of concerned that since so many people aren't reviewing, that my writing is falling off? Idk, just let me know what you think either way if you can. :) (and have fun watching the finale tomorrow! I am so excited for it! (and if you've already seen it, please don't tell me what happens lol))_


	10. Chapter 10

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_You guys are so so amazing! Thank you soo much to everyone that reviewed, I really appreciate it! I'm really glad that people are enjoying this. :) I'm sorry this took so long to put up, but here it is. Hopefully you enjoy it..._

* * *

His shoulder rise and fall with heavy, angry breaths and he can feel himself shaking with rage as he stands over his uncle.

"Hello to you too, nephew," Jack smirks while wiping blood from his mouth. He moves to get up and Chuck immediately steps forward and stands threateningly over him, making him stop. He shakes his head and laughs, leaning up on his elbows on the floor. "Now what did I do to deserve such a violent welcome?" he questions with an evil grin. "I mean, I didn't do anything we didn't agree to before hand."

Chuck's jaw clenches tightly as his uncle's eyes drift across the room to where he knows Blair is standing. "You sick son of a bitch," he growls, his fists balling at his sides, itching to hit Jack once again.

"That's rich," his uncles scoffs, pushing himself up to sit. "You pimp out your girlfriend to save some two star, low class, west side hotel, and I'm the one who gets punched? I'm the sick one?" Chuck shrinks back just the slightest at the words and Jack takes the opportunity to stand, straightening out his suit and hair.

"I didn't know what I was doing when I made that deal," he argues. "If I had known.."

"Known what, Chuck?" he interrupts, his voice low. "That Blair would dump you as soon as she found out what you did? That she wouldn't stick around once she saw the real you?"

Chuck shakes his head almost imperceptibly before reaching into his suit jacket. He pulls out the picture he had stolen from Jack's hotel room and holds it out for him to see. "If I had known that you were obsessed with her, I never would have let her near you."

Jack rolls his eyes and smirks. "What did you expect?" he asks like it's nothing. "I had that crappy hotel and a bunch of dense investors willing to pay me embarrassingly ridiculous amounts of money for it. Why would I give that up if there wasn't something I wanted so much more?"

Chuck's eyes narrow and he wants nothing more in that moment than to strangle the man before him.

"What is that?"

Both men turn in surprise to see that Blair is now right next to them, her stance somehow hesitant and strong at the same time, while her eyes are fixed curiously at the picture in Chuck's hand.

"Blair.." Chuck begins dumbly, unsure of what to say. He wants to pull his hand away and keep it hidden, because he knows she's been struggling and he's not sure how much more she can take, but he's frozen in place. His stomach twists as he watches her pull the picture from his grasp, her eyes widening and her cheeks burning red instantly.

Her eyes turn in horror on the older Bass, her mouth hanging open. "You.. You took pictures of me?"

Jack simply shrugs. "I admit, that was a bit out there, even for me, but I just couldn't help myself." He pauses, and his eyes seem to soften a little before he continues in a wistful tone. "You were so intriguing. You were different from any woman I'd ever been with before; so skilled and experienced, but somehow so innocent at the same time."

Jack takes a step towards her and Chuck immediately moves protectively in front of her, glaring at his uncle in warning. He can feel Blair start to tremble behind him.

"After New Years, I couldn't get you out of my head," he admits in a slow drawl, meeting her gaze over his nephew's shoulder. "I went through so many women; I fucked brunette after feisty brunette and none of them were even close to comparing to you. I thought if I had you one more time, I could finally forget you." His eyes suddenly harden. "But you were different that night at the Empire. Before, you were so eager and willing, but this time you just lay there. From the moment I kissed you, you couldn't even open your eyes and look at me. I knew you didn't want it and I probably should have stopped, but I had worked too hard to get you and there was no way I was going to let you go."

Blair bites her lip and looks at the ground, her cheeks burning in utter shame and humiliation.

"Fucking bastard, I should have you killed," Chuck hisses between clenched teeth, rage pulsing through his veins so powerfully he can't think or even see straight anymore.

"Get ahold of yourself, nephew," he chides, laughing bitterly at the young man in front of him. "You should be happy, really. She clearly was just going through the motions for your sake and didn't enjoy a second of it. The only response I even got from her was a couple tears and that was just because I may have accidentally gotten a little rough while we were-"

A gruesome crunch fills the room as Chuck's fist suddenly connects with Jack's nose, effectively breaking it, and sends him reeling back with blood gushing and rolling down his goatee and onto his suit.

Chuck huffs with adrenaline and rage and is ready to attack his uncle and rip him to shreds, when he pauses and quickly glances in Blair's direction to check on her. Immediately he stops himself at the sight of her, hugging herself in the middle of the foyer, her brown eyes staring sightlessly at the ground, tears silently falling down her flushed cheeks and landing at her feet. Turning back to his uncle, he scowls and sets his jaw, deciding, for Blair's sake, to deal with Jack later.

"Get out," he commands, his voice low and venomous. "Get out of this building, out of this city, out of this country."

Jack stares down his nephew, trying to look as tough as possible while pinching his bleeding nose and suffering through the pain. "I'll leave now, but this isn't over."

"If you ever come anywhere near her again, I'll destroy you," he promises in a growl that leaves no room for argument. He watches his uncle as he crosses the room and waits until the elevator dings its arrival, only looking away once he's assured Jack has completely gone.

Turning to Blair, his heart aches for her as she continues to cry. Hesitantly, he takes a step towards her. "Blair.."

A heartbroken sob escapes her lips and he can't help but reach out to comfort her. He's surprised, though, when she not only allows him to wrap his arms around her, but wraps her own thin, shaky arms around him as well. She buries her face against his neck and simply cries, small, hiccuping sobs muffling into his suit jacket, making his stomach twist and flutter at the same time. He rubs his hand soothingly across her back and realizes they haven't been this close in months, he just wishes it didn't have to be under these circumstances.

"Please don't cry," he murmurs against her hair. "I'm so sorry I let him hurt you. I didn't realize…"

She pulls back from him unexpectedly, like she finally is aware what she is doing, and pushes his arms away from her. "You need to go."

He shakes his head and reaches out to wipe her tear stained cheek, but she shoves his hand back. "I'm not leaving you like this."

"I think I'll be much better off taking care of myself," she snaps, wiping hastily at her cheeks herself, which proves useless because her tears just continue to fall.

"I'm sorry, Blair," he repeats, sighing in frustration. "I can't take it back, no matter how badly I want to. But if you would give me a chance, I-"

"Just go, Chuck," she begs, going a little soft at his declaration, her bottom lip quivering. "Please."

He drops his head and gives in to her, turning reluctantly on his heel and crossing the foyer to leave. When the elevator arrives, he pauses momentarily, his hazel eyes pleading to her. "You can't keep pushing me away, Blair. I'm not going to give up."

She watches through her tears as he disappears into the elevator, her whole body shaking and collapsing the second she's alone in the penthouse. Falling to her bottom on the marble floor, she pulls her knees to chest and continues to sob, her heart aching with the overwhelming weight of everything all over again.

–––

Chuck stands, staring blankly out the window of his suite at the Palace, nursing a scotch and icing his hand as the sun disappears behind the horizon.

He can't stop replaying Jack's sick descriptions of that night over and over in his head, picturing it with much more clarity than he had been able to before. He is beside himself with new guilt and worry over Blair, and for the first time in his life, Chuck can honestly say he is absolutely ashamed of himself.

His scotch never leaves his hand the whole day as he tries to ease his troubled mind, but at the same time he can't seem to loosen his hold on his phone either. Every few minutes his fingers hover over the buttons, itching to call his P.I. He keeps trying to think of some plan, some way to get back at his uncle and make him pay for what he's done to Blair, but he can't seem to think of anything other than putting out a hit, and he just isn't sure if he has it in him to go through with that at this point.

He finishes off the last of his drink and turns away from the window, dropping his glass on the wet bar next to the half empty bottle.

His mind returns to Blair and how completely broken she looked when he left and he finds himself dialing her number to see if she's okay. Of course she doesn't answer, but he can't help but feel his worry grow, especially with everything she's been struggling with the past couple months.

He can't just stand around anymore, so he decides he should go check on her. He'd given her a few hours to collect herself since the confrontation with Jack this afternoon. Maybe now he'd finally be able to talk to her like he'd intended to when he was there earlier.

–––

Blair isn't sure how long she stays curled up on the floor, but when her tears finally stop and she looks around the foyer, she catches the last rays of sunlight fading outside the window.

Her heart is heavy and her head aches horribly and she finds herself wanting nothing more than to curl up in her bed and sleep forever.

Pushing herself to her feet, she struggles to straighten herself on wobbly legs as dizziness suddenly overcomes her, catching her completely off guard. The dim room swims before her eyes and she staggers against the small table in the middle of the room, trying desperately to steady herself, and sending the flowers on top crashing to the floor. Her heart beats painfully hard and fast inside her chest and she forces herself to take deep, long breaths to try to somehow get control.

Her stomach twists nauseously, panic gripping her, and her mind works as fast as it possibly can. She recounts the last twenty-four hours and realizes that she had thrown up twice already today, and had really let nothing sit in her system at all besides alcohol from the night before. She knows instantly that she needs some kind of nourishment as quickly as possible, and after pushing herself from the table, she carefully and slowly stumbles towards the kitchen.

Immediately she grabs an apple, hungrily feasting on it and letting the cool air from the open fridge blow on her warm skin. The apple quickly disappears and she then pours herself a tall glass of milk, downing the liquid in a few long gulps.

Leaning back against the counter, she continues to take deep breaths with her hand against her chest. After a few minutes, her dizziness starts to fade and her heart rate seems to steady, but her nausea is more present than ever. The milk and apple sit like a rock in her stomach, and she's quite sure she wouldn't even need to stick her fingers down her throat to puke right now.

A wave of exhaustion hits her hard when she finally regains her senses enough to stand on her own. She can't be bothered to clean up her glass in the kitchen or the mess in the foyer; all she has the energy to do is to slowly climb the stairs and head straight to bed, falling dead asleep practically the second her head hits the pillow, not even noticing when her phone rings across the room.

–––

After splashing some water on his face and fixing his tie, he heads out of his suite. Once downstairs, he saunters across the lobby, ignoring the staff and tourists as he goes.

"Mr. Bass!"

He sighs and turns reluctantly towards the voice. His eyes instantly squint in suspicion when he sees a staff members waving him over, two police officers standing with him. Straightening his shoulders, he makes his way towards them as confidently as possible.

"Gentlemen," he drawls as he approaches the older men, "is there something I can help you with?"

"Charles Bass?" one of the cops questions, taking a step towards him.

He simply nods, his eyes narrowing when the cop immediately produces a pair of handcuffs.

"Young man, I'm going to have to ask you to put your hands behind your back."

"What?" he questions, his mouth hanging open in shock.

"You're under arrest for the assault of Jack Bass."

"There must be some mistake," he argues, scowling as the cop grabs his shoulders and turns him around. "You can't just arrest me based on what my uncle claims happened."

"That may or may not be true, kid, but it's not just your uncle's word against yours," the cop explains as he puts the handcuffs on Chuck. "We also have a statement from a doorman on Fifth Avenue who says you chased Jack Bass into the building, vehemently refused to leave when asked, and then fled just minutes after your uncle came down with a broken nose."

"You've got to be kidding me," he murmurs under his breath. His jaw tightens as he tries to control the anger he feels boiling within him.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you-"

"Okay, I get it!" he interrupts harshly, his face flush with rage. "This is bullshit.." he breathes, looking away from the crowd that has formed to watch the Bass heir get arrested at his late father's hotel.

"Do you want to tell me about what happened between your uncle and yourself now, or should I assume you'd rather wait for your lawyer?" the other cop questions condescendingly.

Chuck just glares at him, keeping his mouth shut, which amuses the cop to no end.

"Calm down, kid," the cop laughs, pulling on his elbow. "I'm sure you'll be out on bail in no time."

He grits his teeth in frustration, not saying a word as he allows himself to be led from the building.

–––

She wakes up early the next morning, the bright sun warming her back as she lays curled on top of the covers.

Her whole body is sore and feels like lead weighted down against the bed. She bites her lip and closes her eyes, too fatigued to even move an inch.

Last night had been too much, legitimately frightening her with how out of control and anxious and sick she'd felt.

As Blair falls back asleep she silently promises herself that she'll finally put the bulimia behind her from this point on.

Or at least she'll try.

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_TBC.. Feedback is really really appreciated! :)_


	11. Chapter 11

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I'm so sorry this took so long to get an update, but I was writing for other stories and what not so yeah.. I really am sorry though. I really appreciated all the reviews on the last part. Please let me know what you think of this chapter.. :)_

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Chuck walks out of the police department first thing in the morning, thanks to some quick work by his lawyer, in his wrinkled suit, feeling completely exhausted and cranky from avoiding the others in his jail cell.

He nearly smiles in relief at the sight of his waiting limo, but it quickly disappears at the sight of his tall, angry uncle leaning against it.

"Jack," he growls as he takes the last few steps towards him. He gets a good look at the elder Bass and can't help the satisfied smirk that curls his lips at the sight of his bruised and bandaged face. "Oh no, did I do that?" he asks in fake sincerity.

"Enjoy your night in jail, Charles?" Jacks drawls with a bitter grimace. "Meet anyone special while you were in there?"

Chuck chuckles to himself and shakes his head. "I have to say, I was surprised you went to the cops. You do know that by pressing charges you've officially declared war, right?"

Jack raises an eyebrow. "You know I could drop the charges," he offers, with a sly smirk. "Maybe we could make another deal like we did before?"

He clenches his fists and glares at him. "Maybe I could break your jaw like I broke your nose."

Jack laughs and holds up his hands in mock surrender. "Easy there, nephew, I'm only playing," he grins. "Besides what would be the point of making a deal with you to get Blair anyway? You clearly have no influence over her anymore."

Chuck's eyes narrow in annoyance. "Is there something that you wanted, Jack, or am I free to go and never see you again now?"

"Actually, without your hotel or your girlfriend, you really don't have anything I'm interested in anymore. I just thought I'd let you know in person that I've decided to make my stay in New York a bit more permanent," he announces proudly. "Plus, I couldn't miss seeing your _heroic_ exit from jail." He reaches out to condescendingly straighten his nephew's wrinkled collar, and the younger Bass shrugs him off in rage.

"What do you mean more permanent?"

"I mean that I've got a realtor finding me an apartment on the Upper East side as we speak, as well as looking for any hotels or properties that are nearing the ends of their leases," he explains. "Someone has to keep up the Bass name, and since you clearly don't have it in you, it's up to me."

"I didn't sell the Empire because it was failing. It was actually doing quite well, which you obviously knew since you tried to take it from me."

"Well then maybe you should have kept it. You know your father was always so much more successful when he was single, you seem to have the opposite luck. It'd probably be in your interest to get Blair back as soon as you possibly can." He pushes himself off the limo with a smirk on his lips. "That is, if I don't get her first."

Chuck immediately pushes his uncle back against the car hard, leering over him in anger. "Stay away from her."

Jack laughs to himself and shakes his head. He pushes back the younger Bass and stands and straightens out his shirt calmly. "I'll see you around, Chuck. Try not to get into anymore trouble," he warns with a devious smirk, before turning and walking away like it was nothing.

All Chuck can do is watch his uncle leave, a hollow feeling in his stomach. He hastily pulls his phone from his pocket, not even waiting for Jack to get twenty feet away before placing an urgent call to his PI, ordering that someone follow his uncle's every move.

–––

Blair sits at her vanity, her exterior completely calm as she stares down at the two pieces of paper laid out before her, but on the inside she couldn't be more freaked out.

To her left sits her acceptance letter to Columbia. Technically, yes, it is still an Ivy, but it is a far cry from where she always thought she would end up. It is just across town though and she can't deny that the thought of staying in the city is very appealing, even if she doesn't want to even think about why. It is a very good school though and she'd definitely get a good education, but she can't tell if she really wants to go there or if she just isn't ready to give up on her life here yet.

To her right is the acceptance letter to Yale. A couple years ago, hell even a month ago, she would have thought that this letter would have been the answer to her prayers. This is her dream come true, or at least it's supposed to be. She isn't even sure if she wants to go to Yale anymore, but there's a part of her that feels excited that this is her opportunity to get away and become her own person. But at the same time, the thought of going to New Haven in the fall makes her unbelievably uneasy. It somehow doesn't feel like she would be moving to Connecticut, it feels more like she'd be running away from New York.

She groans in frustration and drops her gaze to her fidgeting fingers. She has to make this decision, there's no way to get around it, and she has to make it quickly. Her advisor told her she absolutely has to know today, otherwise she'll lose her spot at both and be exiled to another year at NYU, which is absolutely out of the question.

Her stomach turns and her throat works in hunger as she comes to the only conclusion she can; this is impossible.

The ding of the elevator interrupts her thoughts, and even though she's not expecting any visitors, she's so relieved for an excuse to stop thinking about colleges that she sighs in relief and nearly smiles as she hides the letters away back in her drawer. She quickly jumps up from her seat and smooths out her dress, but stops and frowns when the intruder makes their way through her doorway.

"Serena," she greets shortly. "Didn't I make it clear yesterday that I don't want to see you?"

The blonde immediately rolls her eyes, brushing off the comment as best she can. "Well I just thought maybe you'd want to know what was going on with your ex-boyfriend since Gossip Girl didn't post anything about his release," Serena tells her, a little annoyed with her best friend's attitude. "I tried to call you, but it went straight to voicemail so.."

"Wait," Blair interrupts, her brow furrowed. "His release? What are you talking about?"

"Chuck's lawyer was able to get him released from jail this morning."

"Jail?" Blair repeats horrified, her mouth open in shock.

"Well, yeah," Serena explains, confused at her best friend's dumbstruck face. "Haven't you checked Gossip Girl at all?"

The brunette shakes her head quickly before turning on her heel and heading to her desk and turning on her laptop.

"She posted about a zillion pictures of him being handcuffed in the lobby of The Palace last night. See, look," Serena says, pointing at the computer screen as Gossip Girl's website comes up, a picture of a pissed of Chuck Bass being led out in cuffs front and center.

"Oh my god," Blair mutters to herself. She continues reading through the rest of the post which explains that Jack Bass is behind the charges and alludes to the fact that it is probably because of Blair, since everyone knows about their tryst last New Years. "Is that true? Did Jack have him arrested?"

Serena nods quickly. "He's out now, though. He was actually sleeping on my mom's couch when I left to come over here. I thought you might be worried so I wanted you to know he's okay."

Blair is momentarily grateful for her best friend, and the knot that had twisted in her stomach at the mention of jail disappears just as quickly as it had been put there. However, as she sits and stares the pictures she realizes that she had acted like a concerned girlfriend for a moment and she's immediately upset with herself for caring about the well-being of a stupid boy who obviously didn't care about hers when he traded her for that hotel.

"Worried? Why would I be worried?" she questions her best friend as she shuts her computer, her tone harsh. "It's not like he's never spent a night in jail before. I'm just surprised that Jack went to the authorities; usually they like to keep their games under the radar."

Serena sighs, watching the brunette as she gets up and walks across the room, disappearing in her closet. "Well apparently Jack knows what he's doing. My mom thinks Chuck might actually have to serve at least few weeks in jail after all this," she says, coming to stand by the closet door.

Blair can't help the way her heart clenches in worry, but she refuses to act like she cares. "What are you talking about?" she calls out, her tone dismissive as she searches for the perfect purse and pair of shoes to go with her outfit. "Chuck's lawyer is one of the best in the city. There's no way they'd ever be able to convict him of anything."

"I don't know," Serena responds uneasily, worried about her brother. "Chuck's been in jail a few times before for a range of different stuff, and everyone knows he paid off all those girls to drop the sexual harassment charges, and now he's facing assault charges. It doesn't look good."

Blair brushes past her best friend, forcing herself to ignore what she just heard. She calmly sits down on her bed and slips her feet into her shoes, avoiding Serena's eyes.

The blonde watches Blair carefully and finds herself at a loss. She wants to bring up the bulimia and make sure she is okay after everything that happened, because really that is why she came over; Chuck getting released was just a convenient excuse. She knows that she'll just be kicked out if she says anything about it though, and Blair doesn't seem overly mad at her right now, so she decides to stay silent on the subject. Instead she walks over and sits next to her best friend, smiling hesitantly at her. "Are you going somewhere? Because I was thinking maybe we could go shopping and get some dinner later if you want."

Blair resists the urge to roll her eyes as she reaches for her phone on her nightstand. "I can't today," she responds offhandedly, annoyed as she realizes her phone is dead. "I have to go meet with my advisor."

"Really? You finally decided which college you're transferring to?"

"Yep, I finally decided," Blair replies with a fake smile as she stands and straightens her dress. Maybe she doesn't know if she's making the right choice, but after hearing of Chuck's arrest and having her name and problems on Gossip Girl once again, reminding her of all the drama surrounding her here that never seems to end, she is definitely leaning one way.

"Well?" Serena urges, smiling like she is about to burst if she has to wait any longer.

"Yale," she answers, forcing herself to at least sound confident in her choice, even if she doesn't feel that confident yet. It still feels like running away, but maybe running away isn't such a bad idea right now. "I'm going to Yale next year."

Serena squeals, jumping up and grabbing the brunette in a tight hug. "Oh my god, B!"

Blair finds herself laughing and jumping with Serena, trying to get as excited for herself as the blonde is for her. Maybe this is the right decision; her best friend certainly seems to think so.

"That's so exciting!" Serena exclaims, pulling back. She frowns for a split second as she declares that she's going to miss her next year, but then she's right back to grinning from ear to ear. "I'm so proud of you, B. You always wanted to go to Yale."

"I know," Blair agrees with a big smile, Serena's enthusiasm rubbing off on her and making her feel worlds better about her decision. "I always knew I'd be a Bulldog one day."

"Aw, B. It's just like you always dreamed it would be," Serena gushes, pulling her friend into another tight hug.

Her smile falters for a moment as she hugs the blonde back. "Yeah, just like I always dreamed."

"Come on, let's go get a cab," Serena suggests with a smile, taking her friend by the hand. "We can talk all about how much you are going to love being at Yale next year and you can drop me off at home on your way to see your advisor."

Blair allows herself to be pulled from her room, a small smile on her lips. She certainly hopes she's as happy next year as Serena seems to think she well be.

–––

Chuck blinks awake, confused at first as he looks around at his surroundings. His rubs his eyes and when he looks up again he notices Eric sitting across from him on the coffee table.

"Morning little brother," Chuck mumbles tiredly, pushing himself up to sit.

"No, not morning. Afternoon," Eric corrects with a smile, shaking his head at his step-brother. "I did bring you breakfast though," he tells him, gesturing to the plate on the table next to him. "Waffles, care of Rufus."

"What time is it?" he wonders out loud, his fingers brushing against his bare wrist as he remembers he never put back on his watch after they gave it back at the police station.

"Almost three."

Chuck's brow furrows as he accepts the plate of food. "Waffles? At three in the afternoon?"

"Hey, you haven't stayed here in a long time. These people eat waffles twenty-four/seven," he explains, moving to sit on the couch next to the older boy. "And maybe you don't remember, but there is a guest room you know; a couple of them actually."

"I was too tired to walk any further," Chuck responds, taking a huge bite of food.

"Didn't you sleep at all during your night in lock up?"

He shakes his head immediately. "I have a rule to never fall asleep in jail, little brother. Remember that," he warns, before pausing and smirking. "Except what I'm afraid of, you might actually enjoy, so.."

"Okay, I'm going to stop you right there," Eric interrupts with a laugh leaning back against the couch. "So why exactly were you there anyway? Gossip Girls says Jack had you arrested for assault but it doesn't say what what really happened between you two."

"I broke his nose," Chuck responds simply.

"Really?" the younger boy responds, a little impressed.

Chuck nods, his jaw tightening. "And I'd do it again in a second."

Eric studies his brother for a moment before coming to a conclusion. "This was over Blair, wasn't it?"

Chuck doesn't respond, his silence confirming it without him having to say anything.

Eric moves to say something else, but stops at the sound of the elevator opening followed closely by the clicking of high heels.

"Hey, you're up," Serena declares happily at the sight of Chuck, sitting up on the couch. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Chuck answers quickly, looking up at his sister. It's still a little strange to have anyone even paying any attention to the fact that something happened to him, let alone almost fussing over him to make sure he's okay. He's been arrested a few times before and not once did anyone even bat an eyelash at it. It's comforting to know that people actually care and he's glad he gave into his impulse to crash here this morning instead of going by himself back to The Palace.

"That's good. I'm glad," Serena comments with a smile, putting hand on his shoulder as she walks by to sit in a chair.

"Where'd you go after lunch?" Eric asks his sister. "Mom was looking for you."

"Well, I.." she starts hesitantly, looking from Eric to Chuck, before just admitting, "I went to see Blair."

Chuck immediately stops the bite he was about to take and sets back down his fork, his interest beyond peaked. "How is she?" he asks, trying not to sound as desperate as he is. She was such a mess yesterday and he got arrested before he got a chance to go check on her. All he could think of while he sat in that jail cell was her and if she was alright and asleep or if she was making herself sick all alone in that penthouse with no one to help her.

Serena smiles softly at his obvious concern. "Actually, she's surprisingly good. Really good in fact."

"Really?" he asks skeptically. Of course he wants that to be true, but he just doesn't believe it. Not after the breakdown he witnessed yesterday before he kicked her out.

"Yes," she confirms, laughing at his concern. "She was really happy. She decided she's going to Yale next year and she's going to tell her advisor right now."

"Oh," he responds blankly. He knows he's not happy that she's going to be leaving in the fall, but at the same time he's happy to hear she's finally getting what she always wanted. He just doesn't understand how Blair could be as happy as Serena claims with how she was when he left her just yesterday. It's not possible. "That's.. great."

"I know. I think she's really going to be fine now," she declares enthusiastically, missing his look of concern. "So now what's going on with your charges? Mom said you could end up in jail for awhile."

He sighs and reluctantly lets the subject change from Blair to him. "I doubt that will happen."

"But.." Eric adds in, sensing his brother's hesitation.

"But if Jack doesn't drop the charges, there is a chance it could," he concedes. "Especially if it goes to trial. Any judge in the city would love to make an example of the richest teenager in Manhattan."

"Well, what are you going to do?" his little brother questions curiously. "There's no way Jack is just going to drop the charges."

He sighs to himself, knowing Eric is right. "Mine and Lily's lawyers are trying to figure something out," he answers offhandedly. He wishes he could talk to Blair about this; she's the only person he knows who can scheme better than him. He knows she could come up with something. "But right now, what I'm going to do is go back to bed," he announces, standing up from the couch. He moves to walk towards the hallway and is caught off guard when Serena pulls him into a hug and Eric pats him on the back. A warm feeling fills his stomach and he doesn't know how to deal with it, so he just awkwardly smiles at them in thanks before he makes his way to the guest bedroom.

He lays back on the bed on top of the comforter and pulls out his phone to check if his PI had left him any messages about Jack yet, but there is no new messages. Without thinking, he finds his fingers dialing her number. Immediately her voicemail picks up, and he savors the sound of her voice, but he doesn't want a recording. He wants her.

It's moments like these, when he's completely alone with so many thoughts bustling in his head, that he misses her most. She was always begging him to open up to her while they were dating, and now that their apart, he'd give anything to be able to talk to her about anything for even just a few minutes. He closes his eyes and buries his head into a pillow, because he can't bear to think about regrets like that right now.

He falls back asleep with the sun beating down on him through the window, wondering if Blair is really so happy to escape the city to move to New Haven. He hopes she is, but has no idea what he's going to do once she's gone.

–––

Stepping out of the offices at NYU and onto the hot cement sidewalks on the busy summer campus, Blair can't help but feel sick at the raw emptiness in her stomach.

It's official. Blair Waldorf will be attending Yale University starting in the fall and will be a member of the graduating class of 2013.

She holds her head high as she walks off the campus of lowly NYU, hopefully for what will be the last time.

In a little over two months, she'll be moving into the dorms in New Haven. No turning back now.

She ducks into the first restaurant she passes and orders herself a cheeseburger, something she would never usually deign to eat, but she knows no one in this dilapidated place will recognize her. She doesn't even try to kid herself anymore into thinking she isn't going to throw it right back up as she chews on the greasy, fatty, delicious meat.

She had promised herself she was going to stop all this, but right now she couldn't care less. She can't ignore the constant gnawing thoughts in the back of her mind (of college, of Chuck, of Jack, of not being good enough _ever_) and the always present ache in her stomach any longer, but there is no way she can let all these calories stay there.

She can't go to a new school and face a bunch of strangers all by herself looking like a fat cow.

In a couple months, she'll be living two hours away from anyone who would bother her about it anyway.

She just needs to be better at hiding it until then.

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_TBC... Feedback would be much, much appreciated.._


	12. Chapter 12

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_I really, really appreciate everyone that reviewed! Thank you so so much!_

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Blair goes over her appearance in the mirror for about the twentieth time that morning, smoothing her hands across the pale fabric of her dress and through her auburn curls one last time before finally smiling in approval. Over the past couple weeks since her meeting with her advisor, it has become normal for her to spend hours in front of the mirror to perfect her appearance, afraid that if one hair was out of place or if a wrinkle was creased in her dress, Serena or someone else would know something was up.

Quickly she slings her purse over her shoulder, knowing that she is beyond late to meet her best friend, and heads down the stairs. She catches sight of the huge vase of dark purple and red flowers on the foyer table on her way down and is immediately huffing in annoyance. Her eyes narrow at the temporary house keeper straightening pillows in the living room and she claps her hands together loudly to get her attention.

"Hey! You!," she calls out, scowling when the skittish maid finally looks her way. "I've told you every morning for the last two weeks, all flowers that arrive are to go straight into the trash."

The maid nervously rings her hands and nods, immediately stepping froward and grabbing the vase. "Sorry Ms. Waldorf."

Blair rolls her eyes. She wishes her mother hadn't decided to give Dorota the whole summer off for maternity leave because she misses her; she always knew how to take orders and follow them.

The maid moves towards the kitchen, but pauses, pulling a manilla card out from between the buds. "You want card?"

Blair frowns, a silent war waging in her head because she knows just by looking at the dark petals that they are from Jack, just like every bouquet had been every other morning. She sighs and gives in, stomping forward and ripping the card from the woman's hand. "Tomorrow, I better not find any flowers out," she growls in warning. "I know the number to immigration and I am not afraid to report you."

The maid quickly nods and scurries off, leaving Blair alone in the foyer. Her fingers shake a little nervously but she forces herself to ignore that as she tears open the envelope and pulls out the card. Her brown eyes hurriedly scan the note and her stomach twists in disgust as she reads Jack's offer, the same offer he'd given her just a couple months earlier.

She swallows back against her emotions and crumples the note, letting it fall down onto the small, now empty, table.

She tells herself for the millionth time that she does not care that Chuck is probably going to jail for a few months, according to all the major newspapers in town. She convinces herself this is his karma for everything he's done in his life; to her, to himself, to everyone. She promises herself she doesn't care if he's going to jail because he punched Jack out for her, all she cares about is that no one has really picked up on that part of the story. They all seem to think the fight was over Bass Industries and Blair assures herself that as long as her name isn't dragged into the scandal, they can look Chuck up for as long as they want for all she cares.

Straightening her shoulders, she moves towards the elevator determined to have a great day of shopping followed by dancing and drinks with her best friend, pushing all thoughts of any stupid Bass-holes out of her head.

–––

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bass."

Chuck sighs in frustration. "That's it?" he grounds out, clearly angry. "I pay you way too much for you to just give up."

"I wish there was something I could do but I just don't see how to get out of this," his lawyers explains from across his desk. "You have five previous arrests on your record with nothing more than a couple minor fines, mere pocket change for someone like yourself, as punishment. Now add to that some pretty significant assault charges…"

"So you're saying it's hopeless?" Chuck interrupts in annoyance. "I should start preparing myself for a few months of orange jumpsuits and group showers?"

"I'm not saying it's hopeless," the man tries to assure him. "If you could just get your uncle to drop the charges then.."

"He won't."

"Have you tried offering him a cash settlement?" the lawyer suggests. "A few million dollars might get you out of all of this."

"I already tried that," he explains exasperated. "He doesn't want money."

"Well I don't know what else to tell you, sir. Maybe you should try again; offer him more," the man advises him. "Any amount of money will be nothing compared to what you stand to lose if you actually do go to jail. People are already reluctant to do business with you because of your age. Add to that a record as an ex-convict and your future as a business man here in New York will be in serious jeopardy."

Chuck drops his head into his hands, rubbing his eyes in pure aggravation. He doesn't want to hear what this lawyer is saying because he knows in his gut this guy is right. If he goes to jail, it's all over, probably for good. He doesn't know what to do anymore. He's come just short of begging Jack these past couple weeks to drop the charges, offering him over twenty-million to do so, and nothing has persuaded his uncle to budge an inch.

Looking back up at his lawyer, he glares at the man as he pushes himself to stand. "Thanks for nothing," he sneers, turning on his heel towards the door.

He quickly shoots a text to Arthur to pull around as he heads towards the elevator. When the doors open on the first floor, he can see a few reporters waiting around outside the glass doors and his previous annoyance is multiplied by a million. He can see his limo pull up behind the crowd and he readies himself to face them. His driver meets him at the door and tries his best to shield him from the reporters but it's impossible. Microphones are shoved in his face with every step across the sidewalk and so many questions are screamed out at him that he can't even hear the difference between them.

He's never been so relieved to get inside his limo in his life. He watches as the crowd disappears as they pull away from the curb and he sighs and leans back against the leather.

Anxiously pulling out his cell phone, his fingers hover over Blair's name in his contacts. He hasn't spoken to her since the day he punched Jack and it's been killing him not to reach out to her. He knows everything he's going through would be so much more bearable with her by his side. Hell he could even have conjugal visits to look forward to once he went to jail. But Serena tells him that Blair's been so happy and cheerful lately, and if that's really true, he doesn't want his presence to bring her down again.

He hopes she really is doing as well as his sister says she is.

He moves through his cell phone contacts until he reaches Nate's number and immediately hits call.

"Nathaniel," he drawls when his friend picks up. "How do you feel about starting a lost weekend right now?"

–––

Blair smiles politely at the waiter as he takes away her and Serena's dinner plates. All she had was a salad, extremely light on the dressing, but it's sitting like a rock in her stomach.

"Can I interest you ladies in dessert?" the waiter offers, looking between the two.

"Oh, B! Let's split something," Serena exclaims excitedly. "I hear they have the most amazing chocolate mousse."

Blair immediately starts counting calories in her head. She knows she shouldn't and she doesn't want to eat anything more at all, but she can't say no without Serena automatically asking her a bunch of questions. She can't help but be annoyed though because Serena's dinner had been a heavy pasta dish with lots of creamy sauce that Blair had drooled over watching her eat; she shouldn't even be hungry still.

She makes herself smile and nod at the waiter. "Sure, that sounds good."

"So B, have you decided where you're going to live next year?" Serena asks when the waiter leaves. "Are you going to stay in the dorms?"

Blair shakes her head. "Dorms are for freshmen," she points out. "I need to go look at apartments in New Haven soon. I just haven't had time yet," she fibs easily. She's had plenty of time, she's just been putting it off for reasons she doesn't want to think about.

"I'll go with you next week if you want," the blonde offers with a smile. "I need to make sure you get a big enough place so that I can come stay with you every weekend."

Blair smiles, comforted by the thought that she won't be by herself up there all the time. She opens her mouth to say something when suddenly both her and Serena's cell phones go off at the same time. Both of them pull out their phones, frowning as they see a picture of Chuck with his head down, surrounded by a ton of reporters.

_Spotted: Chuck Bass looking none to pleased as he leaves his lawyer's office. Maybe all those rumors that C is headed off to jail really are true. Say it isn't so! What will the UES do while the king is locked up for 3 months? Maybe he'll get out early for good behavior? But knowing young Bass, that might just be wishful thinking._

Blair bites her lip as she reads the post before he eyes go back to the picture of Chuck and it strikes her just how defeated he looks. She shakes her head and tries to ignore the concern and sympathy growing in her stomach. Snapping her phone shut, she quickly drops her phone back into her clutch and looks around the restaurant for the waiter. "Where is that dessert?" she mutters to herself in annoyance.

"Poor Chuck," Serena breathes, still looking sadly at the blast. "I think he really is going to jail. My mom is freaking out and.."

"Serena," the brunette interrupts, glaring at her. "You know the rule."

Serena sighs and rolls her eyes. "Yes, Blair, I know the rule. No talking about Chuck," she repeats robotically, like a kid being scolded. "But this is serious. He's really in trouble this time and you're acting like you don't even care."

"I don't," Blair grounds out, before turning and smiling at the waiter as he appears with their dessert. As soon as it is set down in front of them, she picks up her fork and takes a small bite of the gooey chocolate. "Oh, you were so right. This is amazing," she comments, before allowing herself another bite. She looks up to see herself being stared down by her friend. "Come on, eat."

"You can deny it to me and to yourself all you want, but you do care B," Serena tells her friend. "In fact, the more you deny it, the more I know you really do care."

Blair scowls at her best friend, taking another bite. "You're delusional, Serena."

"Fine," Serena blurts, picking up her fork and taking a bite. "But soon, he's going to be in jail. And what are you going to do then?"

"I'm going to be glad I'll know I won't have to deal with him for a few months," she barks angrily. She doesn't want to think about Chuck in jail and she doesn't even talk about him, period. Her heart hurts still hurts at the thought of him in trouble, but she can't let that affect her; she refuses to face her feelings, because no matter what, she can't trust him not to hurt her.

She drops her fork onto the dessert plate with a clatter. "I've suddenly lost my appetite," she announces. Digging into her clutch, she pulls out a few bills and drops them on the table. "Come on, Serena," she commands as she stands up, "let's just go to the club."

"You still want to go out?" Serena asks, confused. Off Blair's look though, she decides not to argue. Standing up, she takes one more bite of the delicious dessert before allowing herself to be dragged out of the fancy restaurant by the arm.

–––

"Great lost weekend," Nate mutters lamely before he takes another swig of beer. He looks out over the club from his and Chuck's table and wonders why they are even here when all they've done is sit in the corner by themselves.

"I'm sorry this isn't fun for you, Nathaniel," Chuck drawls drunkenly. "But I am having an amazing time." He gives his best friend a melancholy smile before picking up his glass and tipping back a huge gulp of scotch into his mouth.

Nate sighs and reaches over patting his best friend on the shoulder. "It's going to be okay, man."

"You know for the first time, I know for a fact it won't be," he refutes, shaking his head at himself. "I lost my mother, my girlfriend, my hotel, and now I'm going to lose my money." He laughs bitterly at himself. "I have nothing.. I am nothing. Maybe jail is where I belong."

"It's not," Nate assure him. "And even if you do have to go in for awhile, it's not the end of the world."

"It is," Chuck disagrees. "My lawyer said it, and he's right. It's hard enough now getting people to take me serious because I'm only nineteen. Once I'm an ex-convict I won't have a prayer." He takes another drink of scotch and frowns down at the table as he swallows the bitter liquid. "I'll lose it all.."

"You won't. You have a billion dollars, Chuck," Nate reminds him with a small smirk. "It'll take you awhile to blow through that."

Chuck smiles drunkenly and finishes off his drink. "Maybe you're right, Nathaniel," he drawls, before his face falls into a frown again. "But Blair…"

Nate grimaces at the mention of the brunette vixen that stole his best friends heart. "What about her?"

"She just.."

"You're Chuck Bass, right?"

Both boys look up in surprise at a tall blonde with her huge cleavage clearly on display. She smiles down at them and doesn't wait for an answer before she slides into the booth next to Chuck.

Across the club, Blair smiles to herself, her legs wobbly as she disentangles herself from the muscular brunette she was dancing with. She crosses the club to the bar and immediately orders herself another drink, smiling at the cute bartender.

She feels really good tonight. She's pretty tipsy from her stomach full of fruity, girly drinks, and she's been getting hit on left and right from the moment they walked into the club.

She grins as the bartender gives her a drink on the house and tell her she's too pretty to buy her own drinks. She giggles flirtatiously and blushes before taking a sip of the bright pink drink. Turning on her heel, she looks back out at the dance floor, scouring the club for the big mop of blonde hair that is her best friend. She can't see her, so she turns to look at the tables on the side and almost chokes on her drink at who she sees.

Her stomach twists sickly as she watches a big blonde bimbo slide in next to Chuck, her hands immediately all over him. She rolls her eyes and hates herself for the flare of anger building in her already. It's typical Chuck Bass; two weeks ago he said he wasn't going to give up on her but she hasn't heard from him since, and now he's off screwing sluts like she was nothing to him. She takes another gulp of alcohol and turns to look back at the cute bartender who obviously deserved her attention more, when she's caught off guard by Chuck pushing the girl away.

She turns all her attention to the table, watching curiously as the girl tries to touch him again by grabbing the lapels of his jacket, but he just rips her hands away from him and pushes the blonde away again. She's shocked as he watches a girl that is clearly up to Chuck's bimbo girl standards get full on screamed at by her ex-boyfriend before she hurries from the booth, clearly mortified.

Immediately Chuck's eyes fall to the table, and she can't help but think he hasn't looked so broken since he came back from Thailand after his father's death. Her heart goes out to him and all her instincts tell her to go comfort him and in her drunken state, she almost does. She watches as he pulls his out his cell phone and hits a few buttons and before she can really think, she hears her phone go off in her clutch.

Immediately she pulls out her phone and she feels a heaviness in her heart as she reads the new text message.

_I love you. Miss U. Plz call me. -C_

"There you are," Serena laughs, interrupting her thoughts and almost falling into her as she comes up to the bar. "I've been looking all over for you."

Blair barely acknowledges her as she looks from her phone to Chuck and watches sadly as he tries to take a drink from his empty glass.

"What are you looking at?" Serena wonders with a furrowed brow, before looking in the same direction and seeing her boyfriend and her brother at a table together. She scoffs in frustration. "Ugh! I told Nate we were coming here and to go somewhere else," she mutters in annoyance. "I'm sorry, B."

Blair can't stop watching Chuck and there's a pang in her heart as she watches him drop his head into his hands. She can't stand to see him so broken again. She finishes her drink and turns her back on the table. "I think I'm going to go home," she tells her friend softly.

"No, you don't have to leave," Serena assures her quickly. She chews her lip thinking for a moment. "Why don't we just go over there and say hi?"

Blair just glares at her.

"Okay, I'll just go over there quick then," the blonde decides. "Wait right here, okay?" Off Blair's nod, Serena hurries through the crowd towards the boys, stopping at the edge of the table with her hands on her hips.

"Serena," Nate breathes in confusion looking at his girlfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, sis," Chuck drawls, "what are you doing here? Come to join the pity party?"

"No," she answers shortly, looking annoyed at her boyfriend. "I'm here because this is where I told you I was going with a certain someone."

"What?" Nate asks in pure confusion.

She groans in frustration and rolls her eyes. "Nate! I told you I was coming here with Blair. You were supposed to go somewhere else!"

"You didn't tell me you were coming here."

"Yes, I did!"

"No, you-"

"Wait, wait, wait.." Chuck interrupts, holding his hand up to silence them. "Blair's here?"

Serena looks at him and hesitantly nods.

"Where is she?" he demands, staring down his sister.

"Chuck, I don't think-"

"Please, Serena," he practically begs, his eyes going soft. "I just need to talk to her. Please."

She sighs and gives in, feeling beyond bad for her brother at this point. She turns to point to where she left Blair. "She's right over there by the…" she trails off when she sees her best friend is nowhere in sight.

"What? Where is she?" he asks again, moving to stand up on wobbly legs.

"I don't know," she says, her brow furrowed before it dawns on her. "She must have gone home."

"Home?" he repeats dumbly before coming to a decision. "I'm going after her," he announces. "Thanks for the drinks, Nathaniel," he yells over his shoulder before walking away as quickly as he is capable of.

"Chuck, wait," Serena calls after him. She moves to go after him before Nate gently grabs her arm to stop her.

"Just let him go," Nate urges her gently. She gives in and the two of them turn and watch him leave, both of them wondering if their best friends will ever be able to get it together.

–––

"Blair!"

Chuck calls out for her the second the elevator doors open into the Waldorf penthouse. He walks slowly through the eerily still home, walking first through the foyer and peaking into the living room only to find it empty. He makes his way up the stairs, expecting to find her passed out in her bed, but instead when he flips on the lights he sees her bed untouched.

"Blair!" he calls out again as he walks through the room. He pokes his head in the closet as well as the bathroom but finds no trace of her at all.

He sighs and turns around, deciding to wait in the living room until she arrives. He moves down the stairs and sees a maid he's never seen before waiting for him at the bottom.

"Where's Dorota?"

"Dorota with baby all summer," the maid answers quickly, shifting nervously as she watches him. "You look for Ms. Waldorf?"

He nods and checks his watch and sees it is just after midnight. "I'll wait until she comes home."

The maid quickly shakes her head. "Ms. Waldrof just leave, say she won't be home 'til morning."

"What are you talking about? That's impossible."

"She come home fifteen minutes ago and change, then leave again," the maid explains. "Say she need to 'take care of something'."

His brow furrows and he wonders what the hell is going on with Blair. His heart aches in desperation as he briefly wonders if she is dating someone else. He scowls and turns on heel, rubbing his chin in thought, when his eyes catch sight of a crumpled, manilla piece of paper on the small flower table in the middle of the foyer.

Curiously he steps forward and picks it up, un-wrinkling the paper between his fingers. He quickly reads the note and instantly his blood runs cold.

_You know how to make the charges against Chuck disappear. I'm staying at the Waldorf Astoria room 2016. -Jack_

Suddenly Blair saying she has to take care of something makes all too much sense and he immediately feels nauseous. His stomach drops in worry, in hatred, and in disbelief. How can she do this? How can they be going through this all over again? He doesn't know what the hell she is thinking or how she could be so stupid to go over there but he knows that this time, he is not going to let her go through with it no matter what. He'd rather go to jail then have her do this for him.

He lets the crumpled paper fall to the floor and rushes to the elevator, moving as fast as he can to get from the Waldorf penthouse to Jack's hotel room.

He's determined to do everything in his power to stop this from happening again.

* * *

_TBC... Feedback is very much appreciated..._


	13. Chapter 13

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you guys so so much for the reviews! It got me to write this pretty fast. :) Hopefully you enjoy this update too!_

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Chuck rushes through the lobby as fast as his feet can carry him, his mind so focused and determined that all he can seem to see is the elevator waiting on the other side of the grandiose room. As soon as he reaches it he hits the up button frantically over and over before stepping back and waiting, fidgeting in impatience.

He stares up at the numbers above the elevator, trying to will it to move faster. His heart pounds nervously in his chest as he wonders if he's made it in time to stop her from going through with this horrible plan.

He jumps onto the elevator the second it opens and as it moves to the twentieth floor, he mentally prepares himself for a fight. Whatever he walks into, he's not leaving without Blair or without letting his uncle know that this is over, forever. When the door opens once again, he steps off into the empty hall with his fists clenched at his side and stalks enraged over to the hotel room with gold 2016 on the door and sharply knocks.

No answer.

"Blair!" he calls desperately, pounding his fist against the door once again so hard it hurts. "Open the door!" He continues to hit it violently when he still gets no response, not even noticing as a couple other hotel guests peek out from their rooms in annoyance and curiosity. "Blair!" he yells again, his stomach turning nauseously as he imagines what is happening on the other side of the door. "Jack! You better not touch her, you-"

The door suddenly clicks as the knob turns and the second he catches a glimpse of his uncle's stupid goatee and faintly bruised face, he attacks. He shoves his way through the small opening in the doorway and grabs Jack by his shirt, violently slamming him into a wall with every bit of rage he has.

"What the hell.."

"Shut up!" Chuck growls venomously. He tightens his grip on his uncle's shirt and pulls the taller man back from the wall before slamming him back into it once again. "Just shut the fuck up!"

Jack winces and holds his hands up in surrender.

Chuck keeps his uncle pinned against the walls as his eyes swoop across the room. He sees the only light on in the room is a small lamp on one side of the bed, while the covers on the bed are pulled back and messy just on that one side of the bed as well. He doesn't see Blair or any trace of her whatsoever and his heart pounds in rage and worry.

He couldn't have missed her, right? He's teased his uncle about being quick before, but no one is that quick- are they?

"Are we about done here, Chuck?" Jack questions tiredly. "Because as much as I'm enjoying this wonderful wake up call, I'd really like to go back to bed now."

He turns his threatening glare on his uncle. "Where is she?"

"Who?" he questions dumbly, before reading the rage in his nephew's eyes and knowing that only one brunette could cause that type of reaction in him. "Oh, you're looking for Blair? Well I'd love to be able to tell you she spent the evening with me, but unfortunately for both of us, she hasn't accepted my proposition yet."

Chuck watches his uncle in confusion. "She's not here?" he thinks out loud, trying to process what is going on. He surveys the room again and realizes it does look like Jack was just sleeping, and when he looks down at the fabric of his uncle's shirt between his fists, he realizes he is wearing silk pajamas. He releases his grip just the slightest as his brow furrows in confusion.

"No, she's not here," Jack confirms with a smirk, stepping away from the younger Bass. "But give her time and I'm sure she'll show up. Then I'll be able to drop those charges for you."

Chuck's nostrils flare with rage and he grabs his uncle by the elbow, turning him around. "Let's get one thing straight; you are going to leave her alone," he growls in warning. "You are never going to call her, or text her, or send her one of those stupid notes, holding my arrest over her head again. If I find out that you contact her or go near her ever again, I promise you, my dear, _dear_ uncle," he pauses, stepping forward and narrowing his eyes at Jack, "You will not survive what I do to you."

The two men stare each other down, pure hatred shining in their eyes, until finally Jack breaks their stalemate and looks away, yanking his arm out of his nephews grasp.

"I think it's time you leave, Charles," he drawls, straightening out the wrinkles in the front of his pajamas. "I'd hate to have to call the police on family once again."

Chuck watches carefully as his uncle walks towards the bed as he backs up to the door. He steps back into the hallway and lets the door slam shut behind him just as his uncle turns off the light inside his room.

He stands stuck in limbo in the hallway, unable to decide what to do next. He should be relieved that he didn't find Blair sacrificing herself to Jack, but there's something in his gut telling him that this is all wrong. Because if Blair isn't with Jack, where is she?

–––

"Bartender!" she screeches, holding up her glass and swirling and clanking the ice together as she holds it out in front of her. "Bartender! I need another…" She furrows her brow at the glass, trying to remember what she had been drinking but it seems impossible in her foggy mind. "One of these things," she finishes, setting the cup back down way harder than she meant to.

"No more tonight, honey. I think you're done."

Blair scoffs and her eyes widen in disbelief. "You're cutting me off?" she asks incredulously. "I'm no where near that drunk!"

She sighs in frustration because she wants to be that drunk. That was the point of coming to the bar; to get as wasted as she possibly could.

When she'd first made her way to the Waldorf-Astoria, it had been in a haze of drunken confidence that had her completely determined to go through with anything Jack wanted if it assured her that Chuck would be safe. However she'd only made it as far as the elevator before her drunken confidence transformed in to sober fear. All she had to do was go up to Jack's room, spend an hour at the most with him and the plan would have been complete; but she couldn't do it. The second she saw the number for Jack's floor light up, she had panicked, running out of the elevator before the doors have a chance to close.

She is too weak.

She'd stumbled to the hotel bar and quickly come up with a new plan; get so drunk she wouldn't even be capable of being scared. She is practically roofie-ing herself for Jack, but at this point she can still feel the fear and disgust gripping at her.

"I need another drink," she murmurs to herself, letting her head fall heavily into her palm. She looks up at the bartender and narrows her eyes at him. "I command you to do your job and make me another drink!"

She sees him shakes his head at her and feels herself getting dizzy just watching him do that.

"My _job_ is to make sure no one is over served. And you have definitely had way too much, sweetheart."

She huffs, before her lips curl into a smile and deciding to take a different approach. "But I haven't even tipped you yet.." she baits him, pushing her head up and grinning at him as the room spins around her. Her fingers fumble as she reaches into her clutch, nearly emptying it out onto the bar top before she finally wraps her hand around a wad of bills. She hold it up triumphantly, not even caring how much it is as she offers it to him.

He hesitates for a second before reaching for it, making her laugh deviously as she pulls back, holding it over his head.

"I'm going to need two more of.. those things," she orders, pointing at her empty glass, still not remembering what it was. She hands over the money, adding, "And I'll take a shot too."

Blair doesn't notice or care that the bartender is eyeing her uneasily as she looks away and pulls her phone into her hand. Going to her inbox, she rereads the text Chuck sent her at the club for the tenth time in the short span since he sent it.

_I love you. Miss U. Plz call me. -C_

Sighing and chewing on her lip thoughtfully, her fingers run over the words I love you. She hasn't heard it from him in so long that it hits a part of her heart she doesn't want to face. She refuses to admit it anyone but she loves him and she misses him too, even if she's been wishing lately that she could just turn off her feelings for Chuck and forget them forever. She's quickly realizing though that she can't and she wonder's if she'll ever be able to stop loving him.

Everything would be so much easier if they could just go back to before Jack, before Elizabeth, and take everything she and Chuck did for that stupid hotel back. She would give anything to have her happy, loving boyfriend back. Before all this happened, she had believed he would've given anything to ensure she was safe and happy. She thought he loved her more than anything else in whole world and she'd give anything to go back to that ignorance.

But they can't go back, they never can. She can't take back sleeping with Jack, Chuck can't take back trading her, and she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to truly believe he loves her as much as he says he does ever again. If he really loved her so much, he would have never even considered an offer like that from Jack; he would have been so mad at her when she told him she'd slept with Jack that he couldn't even look at her; he would never have been willing risk losing her. But he didn't love her that much.

She wishes she could go back to a time when she believed with all her heart that Chuck Bass thought having the love of Blair Waldorf was enough.

But she isn't enough. She's never good enough for anyone.

The bartender sets a drink in front of her and she immediately lets her phone fall forgotten to her side on the bar. She wraps her small hands around the glass and takes a long gulp of bitter liquid, barely feeling anything as it fills her stomach.

She's sick of pretending she doesn't care and that everything is perfect. Nothing is perfect. Her whole life has become an elaborate, carefully constructed web of lies that is supposed to convince everyone she is happy. She's become so good at convincing her family, her best friend, and Gossip Girl, that she had almost convinced herself.

Blair takes another swallow from her glass and ignores the horrible nausea swelling in her stomach.

She doesn't know what she wants or what she's doing anymore. All of her plans in life have failed; she's ruined them all.

With one quick glance towards the exit of the bar, she downs the rest of her drink, trying to will away the nervous pounding in her heart.

She doesn't understand why she can't just go through with this. She already slept with Jack for the hotel, why does it matter if she does it one more time to keep Chuck out of jail?

"Refill," she slurs to the bartender setting her tumbler out in front of her.

She sloppily grins when she sees the shot she ordered waiting like a present before her. She happily picks up the tiny glass and tips back her head, holding on to the bar so she doesn't fall backwards, and pours it between her lips. The liquid is strong even to her diminished senses, and when she rights herself on her seat, she winces as it swishes in her mouth. She swallows it hard and for a second she feels fine, before she can suddenly feel it bubbling in the back of her throat, threatening to come out in a rush all over the bar.

Her hand flies desperately to cover her mouth and she immediately pushes herself from the bar stool, nearly landing flat on her back in the process. She grips the bar so hard her knuckles turn white as she steadies herself.

"The bathroom is that way," the bartender tells her quickly, motioning to the right as he pours drinks for another costumer.

She missives the look of worry he gives her and doesn't even notice that thankfully the bar is nearly empty; all she can think of is getting to the bathroom as quickly and efficiently as possible. She scurries along the bar, holding on to it for support for as long as she can until she has to move to dragging her hand across the wall to stay upright. She slips into the first part of the wall that pushes back under her touch, and luckily finds herself stumbling into the women's restroom.

In two steps she's standing in front of the sink, her stomach violently pouring out into the porcelain basin. She retches horribly, her whole body trembling as she empties her stomach over and over. She grips the edge of the counter to keep herself standing but it seems to keep slipping through her fingers. Her elbows drop to the sides of the sink and she has to hold her head up with her hands.

There are tiny black and bright colored spots blur in and out of her vision as she stares blankly in front of her and tries to calm her racing heart. Over the past week, dizziness has not been uncommon, and she's almost used to the way her vision fades a little as she recovers from purging.

She didn't expect it now though because she didn't make herself throw up.

She tries to force herself to breathe through it and straighten to a stand, but the task seems impossible. Her head is heavy and her chest aches, a pressure like a ton of bricks pressing against her.

Blair pushes her head up and meets her own gaze in the mirror, barely recognizing the pale face looking back at her. She blinks a few times and catches sight of the disgusting brown and bright red liquid on the edge of her mouth. She wipes desperately at her face to make it go away before looking down at the sink that is covered in her vomit. She swallows painfully at the sight of more bright red mixed with her vomit and she hopes it is from her drink but knows that it's not.

She pushes against the counter and stumbles away until her back hits the wall and her wobbly knees buckle, forcing her to slide down onto the cool floor. It's too much too even keep herself sitting up. The world is spinning all around her and she feels so heavy and tired, she's sure could sleep forever as she falls to her side and curl into a ball. Her cheek presses against the cool floor as beads of sweat and tears smear her delicate skin.

Fighting in panic against the pain and the dizziness, her deep brown eyes squeeze shut against everything. Her lips murmur helpless pleas into the empty bathroom as the pressure on her chest intensifies and everything starts to fade around her.

–––

"Well let me know if you do hear from her," Chuck tells Serena across the phone, disappointment evident in his voice. He sighs and hangs up as the elevator doors open into the lobby. He walks off as he wracks his mind trying to think of where his ex-girlfriend could have gone.

Blair doesn't have any family in town she could have gone to and there's nothing on Gossip Girl about there, so if Serena hadn't heard from her then he doesn't have a clue. Maybe after getting his text she had decided to go out and finally move on with another guy? Maybe she had been so pissed off at seeing him at the club, she had decided to run away from them all? He doesn't know what to think, but there is an aching worry in his gut that he can't ignore.

He sighs and leans against a wall in the lobby, looking at his phone. His fingers hover over her name yet again and he is itching to just call her and hear her voice. He sets his jaw, thinking it over, before cursing to himself and giving in.

He holds the phone to his ear and as soon as it rings, he swears he hears her ringtone faintly ringing somewhere nearby. He frowns in confusion, looking around trying to find the source of the noise and finds himself looking into the bar just as her voicemail picks up. Immediately his eyes are scouring the large bar area for her auburn locks, but they turn up empty.

Chuck shakes his head and tells himself he's imagining things.

He turns around and hits call once again and instantly he hears the phone ring out once again. His heart quickens as he turns back to the bar, following the noise right up to an empty seat at the counter. His brow furrows as he sees her Blackberry sitting abandoned on the bar next to a Chanel clutch, an empty shot glass, and what seems to be a freshly filled scotch on the rocks.

Waving over the bartender, he demands information when he comes over. "Where is the girl that was sitting here?"

The man eyes Chuck wearily and says nothing.

"Feisty brunette? About this tall?" Chuck describes trying to prove he knows Blair. "She's my girlfriend," he adds in the lie to make his case even better.

The bartender nods and hesitantly gives in. "She went to the bathroom a few minutes ago. I was about to send someone to go check on her," he explains and Chuck can hear the concern in the guys voice. "I tried to cut her off but she wasn't having it."

Chuck nods curtly and walks off before the guy can even finish what he is saying. He quickly makes the short walk to the women's restroom, knocking on the door. He waits a few painfully long seconds before looking around him both ways to check for any approaching women before pushing slightly against the door.

"Blair?" he calls softly, opening the door a crack. A rancid smell hits his nose and his eyes immediately catch sight of the speckles of disgusting liquid and bright red blood in the sink.

A sick weight drops in his stomach.

"Blair?" he repeats desperately, not hesitating to push his way into the room as panic quickly overwhelms his senses. He steps in and instantly catches sight of her small form curled up lifelessly on the ground.

He swears heart stops beating in his chest.

"Blair!" he bellows in distress as he falls to his knees at her side. Instantly he takes hold of her fragile shoulder and tries urgently to shake her awake. "Blair, wake up," he urges her hopelessly. His fingers move to her pale cheek and he taps the side of her face, but she doesn't even flinch.

He can see the traces of vomit and blood on her lips and he's suddenly so scared he's shaking.

Chuck looks wildly towards the bathroom door and screams as loud as he can, begging anyone who can hear him to call 911.

He quickly turns back to Blair and begins to carefully gather her into his arms. Instantly he is swallowing back the emotions that are threatening to bubble over as he realizes just how light she has become and how the curves of her body he spent months worshiping are now harsh angles that jab into him as he wraps her up in his grasp.

"Waldorf.."

Her breath is too soft against his neck and he can't believe this is happening.

How could she do this to herself?

He holds her tight, murmuring words of comfort to her more for his own benefit than for hers, for what feels like way too long until the paramedics arrive. Chuck quickly helps them get her onto a stretcher as he listens to the bartender explain to the paramedics how much she had to drink. He can only watch in absolute horror when they shine a light into her beautiful eyes and they stare almost dead at the ceiling. He hears them take note of the vomit and blood and speculate that she may have alcohol poisoning, and he quickly shakes his head.

"She's bulimic," he laments, truly accepting the facts for the first time himself.

Not taking his eyes off her thin, pale form, Chuck stays at her side and doesn't let go of her hand as they start to roll the stretcher. As soon as they reach the ambulance, he climbs in after her, not even asking for permission to ride along to the hospital. He sits on the tiny bench and kisses her hand and then her forehead when he leans over her.

"Blair.." he begs in a whisper against her ear as the paramedics work on her. "Please don't do this to me."

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_TBC.. Feedback would be great. Good or bad, I'd really like to know what you think about this story, or just let me know that you're reading it. :) I'd really appreciate it!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Wow! Really, I am completely taken back by all the reviews for the last chapter. Thank you so much to everyone that reviewed, I really really appreciate it._

* * *

Chuck leans heavily against the white wall in the hallway of the hospital, his eyes never leaving the small door across from him as he grips his phone to his ear.

"I promise, Harold, I will do everything in my power to make sure your daughter is okay," he assures the man across the line, meaning it with every ounce of his being. "Just get here as soon as you can."

He hangs up and drops his phone back into his pocket before pausing. He takes a deep breath and rubs tiredly at his eyes, mentally preparing himself to go back in to see her in such a state again. His heart aches with worry and concern, and he hasn't been able to calm down for even a second since he first found the note from Jack all the way until right now as he stands outside her hospital room. Pushing himself off the wall, he straightens his shoulders and clenches his jaw before stepping towards her room.

"Chuck!"

His shoulders slump instantly and he huffs in annoyance before turning, irritated, towards the quickly approaching click of his step sister's heels, Nate following close behind.

"Chuck! Oh my god," Serena calls hysterically as she rushes to where he stands. Immediately, her arms fly around him in a tight embrace, but she is too frazzled to even begin to notice that her step brother doesn't hug her back. "How is she? Is she okay?" she asks quickly as she pulls back.

"Honestly, _sis_, I don't know," he hisses, narrowing his eyes at her. He's sat back for years observing the dynamics of Serena and Blair's friendship, and at this point he can't sit back and watch and restrain himself from commenting on how one-sided it is anymore. "Why don't you tell me? I think I like your version better."

"What?" Serena asks, confused and taken back at his tone. "What are you talking about?"

"Well according to you, she's fine. Or at least that's what you've been telling me for the past few weeks," he points out angrily, shaking his head at her. "I trusted you when you told me she had stopped. How could you be so blind not to notice what was going on? She's in there, hooked up to machines and IVs, suffering over something that could have been stopped if you actually paid attention to your best friend for once."

"Chuck," Nate breaks in, a gentle warning in his voice.

"If I thought there was anything wrong, I would have told you," Serena quickly defends herself. "You don't understand how she is with all this stuff, Chuck. She lies and she manipulates and.."

"And that's something new? You've been Blair's friend for nineteen years, you should be able to see past all of that to what's really going on," he argues harshly. "But forget anything she might have said, that doesn't matter. She is skin and bones, Serena. It shouldn't have mattered what lies she told you, because that girl literally disappeared in front of your eyes and you didn't even see it."

There's a heavy silence that hangs in the air and Serena can do nothing but stare at him, bewildered, until he scoffs and shakes his head at her in sheer aggravation. Turning away from his best friend and his sister, he moves determined towards Blair's room, anxious to get back to her bedside. He pushes open the door and instantly he hears the soft blip of her monitors and catches sight of her pale figure on the bed and he pauses as it all lands on him all over again. Looking over his shoulder at two of his oldest friends, he sighs and gives in just a little as the gravity of the situation hits him.

"You two go sit in the waiting room. I already talked to Eleanor and Harold, but you should call Dorota," he commands softly. "I'll let you know if anything happens."

He hears his step sister call out to him one more time, but he ignores her, turning his back and closing the door quietly behind him as he steps into the small hospital room. Hesitating, he studies her colorless face and gaunt frame from across the room and forces himself to swallow back his fears.

He can do this. There is no way he can run away from her now, and he doesn't think he could if he tried. Running away won't make this go away and it won't make her better. He has to stay and be strong for her, just like she's been strong for him so many times.

Crossing the room, he takes a seat in the hard plastic chair at her bedside. His fingers carefully curl around her delicate, lifeless hand and he brushes his lips across the milky skin on the back of it. Chuck's eyes roam her face, willing her to just wake up and laugh at him for being so worried. Hell, he'd happily take her screaming and kicking him out after finding her like he did at the bar. But her sunken eyes remain closed, her long lashes still against the pasty skin of her cheeks.

He was hoping she would be awake by now. He'd spent hours pacing restlessly in the ER to be able to see her, only to realize as soon as got to her room and kissed her forehead, that aside from a hasty text to Nate, he hadn't let anyone know what was happening. So after he talked to the doctor about her condition, he'd reluctantly left her side to call her parents before Serena and Nate had shown up.

The doctor told him she was malnourished, dehydrated and more than a few pounds underweight. He also briefly mentioned something about a possible arrhythmia in her heart and something with her stomach, but he was too worried and scared out of his mind to really comprehend it all. All he could clearly grasp was when the doctor said it wouldn't be long until she'd wake up, and right now, that was enough to give him hope that this could all turn out okay.

He knows she needs her rest, but with every minute feeling like a lifetime, it feels like it's been forever that he's been waiting to see her deep brown eyes. He continues to study her in a way he hasn't been able to since months ago when he used to wake up with her quietly snoring next to him in bed. As he watches her he can't help but notice little things that make his stomach twist and his chest tighten. He brushes her hair away from her forehead and realizes her long brown locks, which are usually lustrous and bouncy, now lay dull and limp across the pillow. Her collarbone and cheekbones are more prevalent than ever, and with her make up now washed away, the skin around her eyes is so heavy and tired it reminds him of bruises. It looks as though she hasn't slept in a weeks.

He can't believe he wasn't there to stop this. When he was blowing up at Serena, he may as well have been yelling at himself as well because he absolutely hates himself for all the pain he's caused her. It's his fault. It has to be, because before everything happened with Jack, she was happy, wasn't she? If he hadn't traded her for that stupid hotel, they wouldn't be here. But Serena told him that Blair had been doing this since high school, so maybe they would have ended up here one day no matter what. He doesn't know. He is still struggling with the idea that she would even do this to herself, so it's hard to even begin to understand what brought her to this, because in his eyes, she is perfect. And with the confidence she usually presents herself to the world with, the thought of her being so insecure is a mind boggling concept.

Chuck tightens his grip around her hand as he takes a shaky breath. It strikes him that not that long ago, it was simple things like holding her hand that scared him to his core; now what scared him was the thought of never being able to simply be there and hold her hand ever again. Kissing her fingers, he makes a silent promise to himself that he will never take her love for granted ever again.

He leans against the bed and watches the rise and fall of chest for what feels like hours. The gentle rhythm of her breath becomes the calming soundtrack to his thoughts and almost lulls him to sleep as he rests his forehead on their clasped hands. He becomes so in tune with the sound of her breathing, that when it changes just the slightest, he immediately sits up in alarm.

"Blair," he calls gently, his soft cracking as it breaks into the peacefulness of the room for the first time. His heart pounds as he watches her head snuggle back into the pillow and her lashes flutter, the same way she did every time she woke up next to him before. His fingers brush gently against her cheek and when her brown eyes slowly open and look up at him, his heart swells and his stomach fills to the brim with a fresh batch of butterflies.

She looks up at him in hazy confusion, her eyes heavy and stomach hurting. "Chuck?" she questions in uncertainty, her voice thick and cracking.

"I'm here, Blair," he assures her softly with a nod.

His warm hand cups her cheek and she takes note of the concerned look in his familiar hazel eyes and the clinical white walls that surround them. She can't help the panic that crawls through her bones as she realizes she's in a hospital bed.

He sees the moment her eyes start to widen and look up at him in fear and he instantly tries to calm her down. "Hey, hey," he calls gently, forcing her to look at him. "You're okay. You're going to be fine."

She nods, her eyes falling shut as she takes a trembling breath trying to calm down. She can feel his lips brush against her forehead and she swallows against her dry throat. Looking back up at him tiredly and curiously, she asks, "What happened?"

He hesitates, unsure of how to say it, because he knows she already knows why she's here. She has to. He pauses for a second, before just diving into it. "You're sick, Blair," he explains evenly. "You made yourself sick."

"What are you talking about?" she asks, feigning ignorance even though she knows deep down that's a great possibility for why she is here. Maybe she just wanted him to say it out loud first so she didn't have to. But as she furrows her brow and thinks back to the night before, she remembers taking a few bites of lettuce from a salad, no dressing, followed by two bites of a chocolate mousse. Then there was the drinks and it all gets kind of foggy after that. But she didn't make herself purge last night, that she remembers for sure. "I didn't."

"Blair.." he groans back because he doesn't want to argue with her, but he can't believe she's still denying it at this point. "I found you passed out on the bathroom floor of a hotel bar."

"I had too much to drink."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not," she argues as strongly as she can from the hospital bed. "Chuck, I swear, I didn't.. _do that..._ last night."

Chuck sighs heavily and shakes his head to himself, not sure if he believes her, but he can't fight with her about this right now. They need to move forward so she can get help. "Okay, so you didn't last night," he concedes reluctantly, "but how many times have you done it in the last week? In the last month?"

She looks away and says nothing, and the silent truth hanging in the room is crushing to both of them.

"Blair," he calls to her gently, but she just turns her head further away. "Talk to me."

She scoffs in annoyance before turning back to him with a layer of unshed tears shining in her eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know," he answers honestly, "How about explaining why? You're in the hospital, being monitored because there might be something wrong with your heart and hooked up to an IV because your malnourished and I don't even understand how you could do this to yourself." He tightens his grip on her hand, and even though she doesn't pull away, she doesn't squeeze back either. "You're perfect. Don't you see that?"

She blinks and looks down at the bed as a few tears escape her tired eyes.

"You're so unbelievably beautiful, I've been infatuated with you since we were only kids. You're the most important person in my-"

"Stop," she interrupts him uneasily, snapping her gaze to meet his. "Just stop, Chuck."

"But Blair.."

"Don't," she breaks in again through her now steadily falling tears. "Just stop lying."

His eyes widen at her. "I'm not lying," Chuck argues back incredulously, "Blair, you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever met." He moves to brush the tears off her cheeks, but she weakly reaches out to stop him and he hesitantly obeys. "I love you more than any-"

"Chuck, I'm serious," she stops him as powerfully as she can manage, "Just because I'm in the hospital, doesn't mean I need your pity."

"Pity?" he questions dumbly, staring at the girl that he suddenly hardly recognizes laying before him on the bed. "Don't be ridiculous, Blair. You know what your body does to me and how much I love you."

She sniffles and wipes at her cheeks, but doesn't respond, letting him know without words that no, she doesn't know those things.

"Blair.." he breathes, his voice breaking as he watches her struggle with her emotions and he tries to contain his own. "I know I hurt you and I am so sorry for the pain I've caused you," he admits, pausing to swallow back the lump in his throat. "And I know I can't take it back, but I want to try and make it up to you."

Hesitantly, she meets his watery gaze, his words making emotions go out of control.

"Even if it takes me the rest of my life to make us better, I'm not giving up," he tells her strongly. He reaches out to brush the tears from her cheeks again and this time she lets him. "You have to know I love you, Blair," he admits powerfully. "I'm so sorry."

Suddenly she finds herself crying so hard it hurts as she completely breaks down. She still has her reservations and her doubts, but after trying to deny Chuck for months, her heart still wants and needs him. So in her moment of crisis and weakness, she finally gives in. She reaches out for him and he doesn't hesitate to fulfill her silent request. Within seconds he's sitting next to her on the bed and pulling her up into his arms and she instantly buries her head against his chest and cries into him.

Chuck rubs her back, holding her trembling form tight to him. "It will be alright. You'll get through this," he assures her firmly. "I'll be here every step of the way. I promise, Blair, you'll be fine. I'll make sure of it." He kisses her hair and the fluttering in his stomach intensifies as her fists ball desperately into his shirt, holding onto him as if he is her lifeline.

She told him once that she thought he was strong, that he carried her, and he never truly believed he was as tough as she saw him. But if Blair needs him to carry her through this, he will. He will be there for every second of everyday if she needs him to be, because he loves her too much to ever risk losing her again and he's determined to make sure she knows how special and important she is.

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_TBC... Sorry if this chapter wasn't that long, but I kinda wanted to leave this part untouched by all the other drama in the story. __I'd really love to hear what you thought of it though, good or bad. Feedback is always greatly appreciated, even if it's just to say you're reading. :) _


	15. Chapter 15

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you guys so much for the reviews! Wow. I really appreciate it! :) And I am sooo excited for the premiere tomorrow! haha.._

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"How are we even still discussing this?" Eleanor wonders out loud, exasperated, before leveling her gaze on her daughter from across the room. "You have clearly lost control of the situation. The only plausible option going forward has to be some kind of inpatient care."

Blair sighs in frustration, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning further back into the pillows propping her up on the hospital bed. They'd been having this conversation for over an hour and it had literally done nothing but go in circles since the beginning. At first she had been happy to have her parents here for her, but now with her impending release from the hospital looming over her head they won't leave her alone.

"I'm not going to rehab, mother," she states firmly, before offering what she considers a compromise. "I will go see Dr. Sherman again once a week, possibly more than that if it will make you happy. But I do not have a drug or alcohol problem and therefore I refuse to allow you to send me off to some clinic."

"Not a clinic, a resort," her father corrects from his seat by her bed. "You would get the help you need and at the same time it would give you a chance to get away from all your stress here, which I think wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"Plus there is no way you are ever going back to that Dr. Sherman," her mother adds, annoyed. "We spent thousands and thousands of dollars on his therapy sessions over the past few years and look how much that helped. No, if you ask me, we should have sent you to a clinic when this all began back when you were fifteen and maybe it wouldn't have gotten to this point."

"You're just worried about the possibility of this causing a scandal if something else happens."

"Oh, please. Don't act like I'm the only one concerned about our reputation," he mother retorts. "You were just as happy as I was when you found out Charles was able to keep everything out of the tabloids and off that little website you and your friends follow."

She rolls her eyes and huffs, knowing what her mother is saying is completely true but not caring. "That doesn't change the fact that you guys are over reacting. It really isn't as bad as you guys are making it out to be."

"Sweetheart, you're in the hospital," her father points out delicately. "You're lucky the doctor says you don't have any irreparable health problems at this point, but that will only stay true as long as you put this to an end now."

"I will! I'm stopping," she insists all to eagerly. "I've stopped."

"That's because you've had people watching your every move for the past two days here. Once you leave though, no one will be watching your every move but you," Harold explains softly, his concern for his daughter clearly evident. "Can you say for sure that you won't even be tempted? That this is completely behind you?"

She is suddenly quiet, avoiding the gaze of either one of her parents. Can she really answer yes to those questions? She doesn't really know. But she can't get sent away. She can't bear to be by herself with a bunch of strangers through all of this. Why can't her parents see that she doesn't need a clinic or rehab? She just needs support.

"It's okay to admit you need help, Blair-Bear," her father comforts her, taking her hand into his own.

Blair suddenly snaps out of her thoughts and her face hardens. "I'm not going to rehab!" she insists, ripping her hand out of her father's.

Eleanor sighs in irritation. "Really, Blair.."

There's a sudden, quick knock at the door before the knob turns without waiting for an answer, pulling the Waldorf's out of their family argument for just a moment.

"Dinner is.." Chuck begins with a confident smile as he steps in the room with a bag of take out in his grasp, before trailing off as he feels the thick tension in the room, "..served."

Blair immediately lets out a sigh of relief at the sight of him. Reaching out her hand towards him, she can't help the tiny, thankful smile that curls her lips. "Chuck.."

He doesn't hesitate to step forward and oblige her request and take her hand in his, but he can't help but glance questioningly at Harold and Eleanor. "I could go wait in the lobby for a while if you need to finish talking," he offers politely.

"No, stay," Blair insists a little desperately, tightening her hold on his had. "Please."

"Yes, Charles, stay," Eleanor agrees quickly. "Maybe you can get Blair to listen to reason."

"I would listen to reason, mother, but you're being irrational."

"Sweetheart.." her father sighs, exasperated.

Chuck's brow furrows in confusion as he settles into a chair next to her bed. "What is going on?"

"They want to ship me off to rehab," Blair explains, wide eyed and distressed as she meets his gaze.

"A treatment facility," Harold corrects.

"Same thing," she mutters childishly, looking down at the bed.

"But she refuses," Eleanor continues. "My daughter seems to think she can simply stop this at will, all on her own."

"That's not what I said," Blair instantly insists, but doesn't look up. The room falls silent as they wait for her to clarify her position on what she wants or thinks will help, but she says nothing.

Harold decides to take this moment of calm as another chance at comforting his daughter and helping her see the truth. He leans forward and lets his hand fall onto her back in consolation. "I really think you should consider going to this place for help," he pleads gently. "I wouldn't be fighting with you for this if I didn't think it would be good for you. Trust me, Sweetpea. You know I've always got your best interests at heart."

She scoffs quietly and sadly shakes her head to herself. "My best interests?" she questions calmly, all of the fight from earlier suddenly gone. Looking up, Blair meets her father's gaze evenly but a haze of turbulent emotions that she can't quite grasp is rushing through her system and she can't hold it back. "Was it my best interests that forced you to abandon me and move clear across the Atlantic when I was sixteen?"

Instantly Harold looks shocked; so completely stricken and taken aback with hurt that his hand drops from her back as if burned.

Tears cloud her vision but don't fall as her heart seems to break within her chest as she lets out pent up resentment even she didn't really know she had. She feels Chuck grip her hand tight, and even though she doesn't turn to look at him, just the knowledge that he is there, silently supporting her, is enough to get her through this.

"Blair," Eleanor tires to hesitantly start. "Dear, I-"

"Don't. You may have always had a closet full of clothes at the penthouse waiting for you but you were gone too, mother," she reminds her mother harshly. She takes a shaky breath before gathering herself and continuing. "I think over the past few years, I've shown I'm able to take care of myself. I've become my own person and just because I've lost sight of that for a little bit and I admit I might need some help getting back on track, doesn't change the fact that I know what is and isn't right for me; and rehab just isn't right."

There's a heavy silence that hangs in the air when Blair finishes, both of her parents avoiding her gaze and Chuck waiting with bated breath for what comes next.

"I think I just want to be alone with Chuck for a little bit," she tells her parents as both of them avoid her gaze and tentatively stand from their seats.

Immediately, Eleanor heads to the door, not hesitating to get the hell out of there. Harold, however, pauses. He looks down at his daughter with a melancholy expression before leaning in and placing a kiss on her forehead. "We'll talk about other treatment options here in New York after we take you home tomorrow."

Blair smiles sadly and thankfully back up at her father. "Thank you, Daddy."

He nods curtly before following his ex-wife out the door and finally leaving Chuck and Blair alone in the small hospital room.

At first, Chuck isn't sure what to say. He has hardly left her beside the past couple days and had only left for the afternoon at the insistence of her father. He'd come back with her favorite meal from her favorite restaurant in hand, thinking he'd walk in on Blair more refreshed and rejuvenated than ever after some time alone with her parents, especially her father because he knows how much she values her time with him. But he never expected to walk in on this.

He hears her sniffle and immediately he springs to action, kissing the back of her hand. She makes room for him on the bed and he moves from his chair to sit next. "Blair-"

"Did you say something about dinner?" she quickly interrupts him, not really wanting to talk. She wipes her eyes quickly as she looks over at him, pleading for him to just let everything go for now.

He smiles softly and nods in silent agreement to keep things light before reaching to where he'd left their take out on the bedside table. "Your favorite," he tells her as he hands her a styrofoam container before placing his own in his lap.

She opens the lid to see an order of lamb with mint sauce from Jean Georges and her mouth is instantly watering with hunger. "This looks amazing. Thank you," she grins as she takes a fork he offers her. "I don't think I could take any more of the gross vegetables and jello the nurses keep forcing me to eat. After you left, they tried to feed me some slimy, meat sandwich they called a sloppy-joe for lunch and then got all concerned when I refused to eat it."

Chuck laughs as he digs into his own meal. "Well you're welcome. I thought maybe you could use some real food."

He keeps a cautious eye on her as they eat in companionable silence but he doesn't really know what he should be looking for. He watches as she eats a few slow bites, almost as if she is scared to really enjoy it, until something seems to change. Suddenly the food is disappearing too quickly for him to keep track of until she abruptly stops and drops her fork onto the half eaten meal and pushes away the container. She bites her lip and looks away and he is instantly filled with concern.

"Hey," he calls to her gently to get her attention, taking her hand into his.

Taking a calming breath, she forces a polite smile before turning to face him. "Sorry," she tells him evenly. "It's really good, I'm just full."

"Blair.."

"What?" she questions, looking at him innocently.

"Don't shut me out," he pleads gently. "Please don't shut me out." She doesn't say anything but let's her head fall to rest tiredly against his shoulder and he takes it as a positive step. He kisses her hair and intertwines his fingers with hers. "Talk to me," he urges against her ear.

She wants to open up to him but for some reason the words won't come out. Sighing and cuddling into his side, she takes comfort in his warmth and support as she tries to get her thoughts straight. "You've been great the past couple days," she tells him gently. "I honestly don't know what I would have done without you here," Blair admits, "but.."

"..But you still don't trust me," he finishes for her, his tone sad and self deprecating. "I know it's still going to take some time for you to really forgive me and I'll keep apologizing until you believe me. But you have to talk to some-"

"No, that's not it. I trust you," she assures him, surprising even herself with how true that statement is. "I do, it's just.." she pauses unsure as her stomach twists in nausea, before she reluctantly finishes, "embarrassing."

"What?" he mutters dumbly. "Blair, there's no reason to be embarrassed about this. Everyone has their issues," he assures her. "I mean, look at me. I've got more vices than I can count."

"But _I'm_ not supposed to be this weak."

"You're not weak, Blair, trust me," he insists. Chuck reaches out and cups his fingers under her chin and forces her to look at him and hear what he has to say. "You've spent your whole life taking care of Serena, and dealing with Nate, and even watching out for me; well all the while I don't think anyone was ever really looking out for you," he explains powerfully. "You are the strongest person I know and this doesn't change that."

Blair's eyes fill with tears again as she listens to him speak and her heart gets caught in her throat at his words. It's exactly what she needs to hear and it's exactly who she wants to hear it from, and on a sudden impulse, she leans forward and kisses him. It's the first time they've kissed in months and the simple act of his lips touching hers feels so much like coming home that she can't believe she went so long without it. It's chaste and tame, which is unusual for them, but it's so passionate and emotional that it makes her heart go weak in her chest.

He's surprised when she kisses him, but he immediately responds. His fingers cup her jaw and bury in her hair and he tries to show this girl he's known his whole life exactly how much he cares for her. It ends before he can get enough of her, if he ever really could, but not before the butterflies in his stomach flutter out of control.

He leans his forehead against hers and she takes comfort in the feeling of simply being there, so close, with Chuck.

"Talk to me," he urges again, just as he tenderly as he did before.

She lets out a heavy breath to steady herself before finally giving in, suddenly feeling closer to him or anyone else then she has in months. She pulls back and fidgets with her fingers as she begins. "I just… I can't believe my parents wanted to send me away," she explains her feelings softly. "Both of them left me here to fend for myself and didn't think twice about it. But now that something has happened that I actually need my parents for, they just want to ship me off so they can get back to their lives on the other side of the world."

"I don't think that's what they are trying to do by suggesting rehab," Chuck tells her quietly. "I think they are just scared and don't know how to handle this. Your parents love you so much, they're just trying to do what's best."

"Everyone always says that. They always say 'I'm so lucky my parents love me so much.' But if that were true, why did they leave?" she wonders out loud, her eyes wet with unshed tears. "Why wasn't it enough for either of them to just stay here to be with their daughter?" She blinks and sniffles and shakes her head to herself. "Even my own parents don't think I'm good enough, it's no wonder that no one else does either."

"That's just not true," he argues back quickly, his brow furrowing in concern. "How can you even think that? So many people love you, Blair. I love you more than anything in the entire world. You're more than enough for me; you're everything."

She bites her lip and looks away.

"You have to believe me when I say that," he practically begs because he's never said anything more true in his life. Reaching forward, he brushes her tears from her delicate cheeks and frowns when she doesn't meet his gaze.

"You know, I'm really exhausted," she suddenly explains, feigning a yawn.

He sighs and his heart drops. He knows he won't get any further with her tonight, but at least this was a start. He moves to get off the bed, but pauses when he feels her hand on his arm stopping him.

"You could stay with me if you wanted to, though," she offers him, trying to sound casual. "Just until I fall asleep."

Smiling sadly, he doesn't hesitate to nod in agreement. He gets up only to quickly dispose of their dinner leftovers and then help her shift the pillows and so she can comfortably lie down. Crawling in next to her, he pulls her into his arms and he can feel their connection as strong as ever as she burrows into his hold and he knows she has to feel it too. He listens to the even inhale and exhale of her breath against his chest but he knows she's not asleep. He doesn't know how long they lie there like that, just holding each other, but soon his eyes grow heavy and he can't fight against sleep any longer as he slowly drifts off to the best sleep he's had in months.

–––

"Chuck."

He squeezes his eyes shut tight against the whispering voice calling to him.

"Chuck, wake up!"

The voice hisses in a hurried whisper and he feels someone poking him in the back. He groans slightly and pulls Blair's form closer to him as he reluctantly opens his eyes.

"Chuck..."

He blinks in confusion before looking in annoyance over his shoulder.

"..I need your help."

Chuck rolls his eyes as his gaze lands on his step-sister looking frantically down at him. "Go bother someone who cares, S."

"Chuck, I'm serious," she begs desperately.

"Serena, _I'm_ serious," he retorts, careful to keep his voice quiet so not to disturb a sleeping Blair. "Get Nathaniel to help you." He turns back to cuddle with the brunette in his arms and shuts his eyes again.

"Jack is here."

Immediately his eyes snap open and he turns his suddenly fiery eyes on the blonde girl once again. "What?"

"See, I told you I need your help!"

He quickly and carefully starts to untangle himself from Blair's limbs, pausing to kiss her forehead when she murmurs little protests in her sleep.

"What do you mean he's here? What is he doing? What does he want?" he asks in a low, warning tone as he pulls Serena with him towards the door.

"I don't know," Serena starts, frazzled. "I saw him in the waiting room when I got here and I came right away to find you and let you know."

He looks across the room at Blair as she peacefully sleeps, his mind running a mile a minute. "I'll go take care of him. You stay here with her," he orders. "If she wakes up, tell her I'll be back as soon as I can and don't mention anything about Jack."

"Of course," Serena assures him. "You can trust me, Chuck. I only want what's best for Blair."

Chuck sighs and studies his sister before nodding reluctantly. "I know," he agrees sheepishly before turning on his heel to leave. "I'll be back in a few minutes, this shouldn't take long," he tells her as he walks out the door, closing it silently behind him.

He walks down the hallway, his rage growing with every step he takes towards the waiting room. Jack crossed a line by coming here and trying to bother Blair while she's in the hospital. He knows his uncle is a bad guy, but he thought there had to be some kind of limit to his evil. Obviously, he was wrong and he is determined to end this now. Once and for all.

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_TBC... Feedback is really appreciated. Good, bad, or just to say you're reading, I'd love to know what you think... :)_


	16. Chapter 16

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you everyone for the reviews last chapter! I appreciate it a ton! This chapter is longer than they have been in awhile and dialogue-y and I hope you like it! :)_

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Chuck cannot believe his eyes when he walks into the waiting room. There, sitting in the middle of the room, is his dear uncle Jack, schmoozing Harold and Eleanor as if he's known them forever and to his complete disgust they are eating up every second of it.

"Chuck has always been a little mischievous," Jack explains fondly to the Waldorfs. "I remember when he was seven, he…" he trails off as his eyes land on the younger Bass seething in the archway. "Nephew," he calls out to him with a nod and a smirk.

"Chuck, you never told us you had an uncle living in the city," Harold scolds gently as he turns to face Chuck.

"And such a charming one at that," Eleanor adds in with a smile.

He tries to smile back politely, but it comes off as a grimace and he can feel himself shaking with anger. "Well too bad for all of us, he's just visiting," he comments trying to hide his sarcasm. His gaze lands dead on his uncle and he tightens his fists at his sides. "Jack. A moment," he more or less commands as he motions towards the hall.

Surprisingly Jack doesn't argue. Instead he nods and smiles dully before turning towards the Waldorfs. "Really, it was a pleasure to meet both of you," he gushes graciously. "Please tell Blair how relieved I am to hear she's doing so well."

Chuck rolls his eyes and literally sees red as he hears Eleanor and Harold say goodbyes to his uncle, completely fooled by his charm. He turns on his heel and heads down to a secluded area of the hallway and only has to wait a moment before his uncle follows behind him.

Instantly he pushes his uncle as hard as he can, pinning him against the wall. "What the hell was that?" Chuck hisses, getting in his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Calm down, Charles. I think the last thing you need is to cause a scene right now," Jack admonishes, trying to push the young boy away. "And as for my being here, isn't it obvious? I came to see how Blair is."

Chuck's face hardens when Blair's names leaves his lips and he shoves him once again so hard he slams against the wall. "And you expect me to believe that's it?" he questions in a rage. "Blair doesn't need this right now. She's in a _hospital_, Jack. Don't you get that?"

"I do. I-"

"No," Chuck barks and interrupts. "No, you really don't; otherwise you would leave her alone. She could have died," Chuck explains, his voice low and thick and his eyes narrowed in hatred. "This isn't a game anymore, Jack." He pushes away from his uncle and releases his grip on his shirt before letting put a heavy breath and looking at the ground. "It hasn't been for awhile."

Jack swallows and hardens his jaw. "You can believe me or not, I really don't care," he tells his nephew honestly. "I didn't come here to start trouble; I just.. I heard about what happened from the bartender at the hotel, so I came to see if she's alright. That's all."

Chuck looks up at his uncle and studies him. He doesn't trust him, he probably never will, so no matter how sincere he looks, he will never believe anything he says. "She'll be fine," Chuck admits before snarling, "but she'd be better off if she never had to hear from you again."

"I know," he agrees whole heartedly. He sighs and digs his hands into his pockets. "I'm going back to Sydney for a while."

Chuck scoffs and lets out a short, bitter laugh, not taking him seriously. A few beat of silence pass as he studies his uncle before he realizes the man really means it, but he knows better than to feel relieved just yet. "Well have a good trip," he tells him sarcastically, "and promise not to write."

Jack brow tenses as he stares down his nephew. The two of them are so similar, it was no wonder they clashed so badly with each other. They were cut from the same stone and really, with devious tendencies, unshakable egos, and hearts full of love for a broken girl from a penthouse on 5th Avenue, they are almost the same. Almost.

"Did Blair ever tell you about what happened on New Years?" Jack suddenly asks, his voice raspy and his eyes full of emotion.

Chuck stares at him in confusion for a second before it clicks that his uncle is referring to the night he met Blair and his whole face twists in anger. "What is wrong with you? Why the fuck-"

"Obviously that's a no," he interrupts evenly, ignoring his nephews outrage. He sighs and his face softens with the memory of a night he remembers so well. "I was sitting at the Palace Bar when I saw her. She was dressed impeccably and looking so unbelievably beautiful she caught my attention immediately. She was sitting at a table by herself, sipping champagne and looking around like she was waiting for someone, but no one ever came."

Chuck shuts his mouth and tightens his jaw as he listens and pictures the scene in his mind. He knows she was probably looking for him to show up at home while he was most likely drowning his sorrows in drugs and women on the other side of the world.

"She finished her drink and then ordered herself some food. They brought her a huge piece of chocolate cake and I thought her eyes were too big for her stomach at first, but she finished it all so fast it was nauseating to watch."

Chuck looks away and grinds his teeth at the scene playing out in his head.

"When she took off to the bathroom, I tried to just move on and find a new girl for the night but I couldn't. I walked in on her with her fingers down her throat and stood there watching her empty her stomach and I couldn't look away. When she finished being sick, she started crying so desperately I had to help her. I took her up to my room and let her rinse her mouth and offered her a place to sleep, but she was too distraught; she couldn't calm down. And then she kissed me.."

"That's enough," Chuck grinds out, suddenly finding his voice. He can feel his blood boiling with rage at Jack for taking advantage of Blair when she was sick and at himself all over again for not noticing all this so much sooner.

"Well, I'm sure you can fill in the rest," Jack comments with a small smirk before turning serious again. "But that's how it started. Blair was so young and innocent and sad, but then she changed and was so strong and in control after she kissed me that it was captivating. She was absolutely fascinating, and I guess afterwards I was so focused on how much I wanted her again, that I forgot just how fragile she was." He lets out a heavy breath and looks guiltily around the stark white hospital hallway. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Staring at his uncle, Chuck finds himself at a loss for words. He feels as though his uncle is being honest in his regret, but he knows better than to trust it.

"So I just came to make sure she is okay," Jack continues to explain. "And now I'm going back to Sydney because I can't keep ruining the live of two teenagers for my own enjoyment anymore. Because really, this little hospital stay has sucked all the joy right out of it."

Chuck frowns and narrows his eyes in suspicion. "You're just walking away?" he wonders out loud. "You really expect me to believe that?"

"No, I don't expect you to believe that," Jack answers, laughing to himself, "but that's what I'm doing. I'm being the adult, acting like the thirty-two year old man that I am, and deciding to get back to my life because I don't want the demise of a vulnerable, nineteen year old girl and my narcissistic, nineteen year old nephew on my conscience. I'm done."

Chuck can only watch in thoughtful, stunned silence as his uncle turns on his heel and starts to head down the hallway. He's about to turn and walk away himself when Jack's voice suddenly stops him.

"Oh, and Chuck?" Jack calls from a few feet away. "Elizabeth wanted me to make sure to give Blair her best. She hopes she gets well soon."

Instantly Chuck's eyes widen, his heart pounding at the mention of the woman he still believes is his mother.

"Maybe you can deliver that message for me?"

"Jack.." he chokes out, his mind racing with a million questions.

"Have a nice life, nephew," Jack tell him with a smirk. "Stop being such a bastard to your girlfriend. None of this would have even happened if you hadn't just handed her over so easily."

Chuck's mouth snaps shut and he stares after his uncle when he finally disappears. He frowns in confusion as his mind clouds over in so many thoughts he can barely think. Turning blankly towards Blair's room, he walks heavily down the hall and into the small hospital room.

"Hey," Serena whispers when he walks in. "Is he gone?"

Chuck nods absently and silently makes his way over to the bed where Blair lays peacefully curled up. He brushes his fingers across her forehead softly, brushing her hair away from her face, before kissing her cheek. Sighing, he frowns as his stomach sinks while everything Jack says sinks in.

"You've been really great with her the last few days," Serena speaks up quietly from behind him.

He sighs and strokes Blair's cheek as she sleeps. "I don't know if that makes up for what I did to her," he mumbles, "if anything ever will."

"She'll forgive you," his step-sister assures him, "sooner or later."

He feels her hand on his shoulder and he reluctantly turns away from Blair to face her.

"Are we okay?" Serena asks hesitantly. "I mean I know you had just found her passed out and you were probably freaked out but-"

"I shouldn't have lost it on you, no, but that doesn't mean what I said wasn't true," he concedes to her and defends himself at the same time. "I mean, you're her best friend. How could you not notice how bad it had gotten?"

"She was dressing differently and hiding it," she insists. "She knows how to lie to me."

"You can say that again," he mutters in a slightly teasing tone.

Serena playfully slaps his arms before growing serious. "Besides, you can't expect me to read her as well as you can. I don't think anyone will ever be able to do that."

A ghost of a smile curls his lips as looks back at Blair on the bed.

"Are you going to stay with her tonight? Eleanor and Harold were going to go back to the penthouse and I told Nate I.."

"I'll stay with her," he interrupts her before allowing himself to be pulled into a hug from his sister.

"You're a good guy, Chuck," she assures him, patting his shoulder before she turns on her heel and heads to the door. "I'll be back in the morning."

The second the door closes, he turns looks down at his ex-girlfriend and sighs. Leaning down, he kisses her cheek one more time before stepping around the bed and setting into the chair on the other side. He tries to get comfortable as his mind continues to race with thoughts. Thoughts of Blair, thoughts of Jack; even a few thoughts of Elizabeth. Is all this drama finally over? He hopes so, if only for the fact that maybe that will give Blair a chance to truly get over all of this and be healthy again, even if that means he never gets the chance to truly take Jack down. He can walk away as long as Jack does away as well, not that he is going to let his guard down at all of course. He still doesn't trust the guy and probably never will.

He watches as Blair mumbles in her sleep and he can't help but smile to himself as his tired eyes start to droop shut.

–––

Blair's slowly wakes up and becomes aware of her surroundings and is instantly disappointed to feel herself alone in bed. Softly, her eyes flutter open and she looks around the room, a small smile curling her lips when she sees Chuck fast asleep in a chair next to her bed.

She meant what she said last night; she doesn't know what she would do without him by her side through all of this. He couldn't have acted more supportive and helpful these last few days. He's made this all so much more bearable and easier just by being here and it's gone a long way to change her perception of Chuck.

For the past few months, she's been so angry with him that the mere thought of Chuck was almost physically painful. But after this, it's different. She doesn't feel mad when she looks at him, she feels relieved, almost happy. She may not totally believe him when he tells her he loves her, but the more he says it, the more she's starting to. She trusts that he cares about her in his own, Chuck-Basstard-ly way and she honestly believes he will continue to stand by her through all this. After months of denial she can finally admit to herself that she still loves him, even if she is no where even close to telling him. At the same time though, she doesn't forgive him for what he did and her heart aches at the thought that she might never be able to.

Blair needs Chuck right now though, no matter what the state of their relationship is. She just needs him with her.

He groans in his sleep and Blair's eyes snap to him as he shifts in his seat. She smiles to herself as she pushes herself in up in bed and reaches over to wake him up.

"Chuck," calls his name gently as she shakes his shoulder.

He lets out a noise of protest before finally opening his eyes. At first he glares at whoever is trying to wake him in annoyance, but when he sees it's her, a sleepy smile curls his lips. "Good morning.." he grins out before yawning. He checks his watch out of habit and lets out a scoff. "Very early morning," he mutters before looking over at her. "It's only seven; don't you want to sleep some more?"

She quickly shakes her head. "Nope. It's morning, which means it's time to go home," she reminds him happily.

Chuck laughs tiredly as he sits up straight in the uncomfortable chair, relieved to see a smile on her beautiful face. "I don't think that's for a few hours still," he explains, "and I'm pretty sure you will be brought a lavish breakfast before you get out of here too."

Her smile falters at the mention of breakfast and she tries not to frown. "Ugh, no more hospital food," she complains, a nauseous feeling in her stomach. Pouting out her bottom lip, she reaches over and grabs his hand into hears. "Come on, Bass. You're a powerful man," she compliments him. "Work your magic and get me out of here."

He quickly shakes his head. "I don't think so, Waldorf," he tells her reluctantly, part of him wanting to give in to her request. "You know you need to get examined again and the doctor won't let you leave until you've eaten."

"But I'm fine," she points out. "And we could go out to eat. Have brunch at-"

"Blair.." he interrupts her quietly, the look on his face telling her he's not going to give in.

She sighs and slumps back against her pillows. "I know, I just.. I want to go home."

"I get it," he sympathizes. He intertwines his fingers with hers and places a kiss on her hand and feels his heart ache at the dejected look on her face. "It's only a few more hours though," he tries to assure her. Getting up out of his chair he moves to sit next to her on the bed. "And then we can spend the whole rest of the day," he starts, pausing to place a kiss on her cheek, "curled up in your bed together."

He kisses her cheek again and then his lips land at the corner of her mouth and she can't help the uneasy feeling that creeps into her bones. She remembers kissing him the night before while she was crying, but she had been upset and desperate and he was so helpful and understanding that it felt right. Now with her head clear she knows there's too much unresolved for them to be doing anything like this right now, even if it's just kissing.

"We can have Dorota make us lunch and eat it under the covers; dinner too," he continues in warm tone, before leaning in again.

"Chuck," she stops him gently, reluctantly, before he can kiss her on the lips. "I think we need to talk."

Furrowing his brow, he pulls back in confusion. "What's wro-"

He's cut off by the ringing of his cell phone on the bedside table. Sighing he mumbles an apology to her before quickly snatching up his phone.

Blair fidgets with her fingers while he's talking, silently freaking out. She doesn't want to have this conversation, the 'just friends' talk, but she knows she has to. She still hasn't forgiven him, but even if she had, she doesn't think she could handle dealing with their relationship right now anyway. There's too much else on her plate.

"So it's over? Just like that?"

Looking over at him, she eyes him curiously as she picks up on the conversation.

"Wow, okay," he mutters, his face blank. "Thanks for calling."

"Who was that?" she asks as soon as he hangs up.

"That was my lawyer," he explains, looking thoughtfully into space. "Jack dropped the charges."

"What?" she asks, her forehead creasing in absolute confusion. "But I didn't even-" she stops herself before she finishes her thought and her cheeks burn at what she almost revealed.

His eyes immediately snap to hers. "You didn't even what?" he questions, knowing what she was going to say but wanting her to admit it.

She quickly looks away and avoids his gaze.

"Blair.." he urges her gently, but she ignores him. "Blair, I know why you were at that hotel that night."

Sighing, she hesitantly meets his gaze out of the corner of her eye. She can see the concern and the sadness in his eyes and she knows he's telling the truth and she quickly drops her head in shame. "Of course you do." She lets out a heavy breath and shakes her head to herself. "It doesn't matter though, because I couldn't go through with it."

"It does matter, Blair," he tells her quietly. "How could you even think about going to Jack again? You were destroyed after what happened the last time."

"Why do you think?" she questions, unable to control the little bitterness that crawls into her words. "The same reason I did it before; to help you."

"Don't you see though, Blair?" he prods, his heart beating hard in his chest. "I'd rather go to jail for a lifetime than have you sacrifice yourself again like that."

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "You don't have to lie, Chuck. I know you weren't trying to trick me this time. If you were behind it, the flowers Jack was sending would have been peonies; or at least hydrangeas. So don't feel bad that you would have been relieved if I had fixed it for you."

"I'm not lying," he vehemently insists. "I regret everything I did when I tried to keep the Empire. That building was not as important as I was making it; it certainly wasn't more important than you." He tells her, cupping his fingers under her chin and forcing her to look at him. "Giving you up like that was the worst thing I ever did, and I never want you to be in a situation like that ever again."

She bites her lip and stares at him, her heart in her throat.

"That's why I went to Jack's hotel that night. I was trying to do everything in my power to stop you before you went through with it," Chuck continues to explain. He lets out a heavy breath as his lips fall into a frown. "Instead, I found you unconscious in the bathroom.." he trails off, the memory of her pale form, limp in his arms still fresh in his memory.

She frowns and the look on his face is so sad and concerned that she reaches out and hugs him on reflex. "But you found me, Bass," she assures him in a whisper against his neck, "and now I'm going to be fine."

He burrows his face into her hair and breathes her in. "I know."

Holding him for a few minutes, she can't help the feeling of comfort that seeps into her bones as he rubs her back. He warm breath against her throat feels so good that she's completely at ease, right up until the moment he turns his head and pushes his lips against the skin right behind her ear.

Immediately she pulls back, forcing a friendly smile onto her face. "So what'd you do to get him to drop the charges?"

He looks at her in confusion for a second when she moves away from him before he snaps out of it. "Oh, um- Nothing," he explains plainly.

"What? Come on, Chuck, just tell me. I can take it."

"I'm serious," he tells her again. "He dropped them on his own."

"Whatever, Bass, just tell me what you did to him," she begs jokingly, before her smile suddenly drops. "Wait. You didn't… have him _killed_ him, did you?"

He snorts and lets out a chuckle.

"Charles Bass! You didn't," she cries in horror. "Did you?"

"Of course not," he assures her, "Not that I didn't think about it, but no, I didn't." He leans back against the pillows next to her and looks thoughtfully at their intertwined hands. "I think he actually just felt bad about everything that happened."

"Yeah right."

"Honestly, I think once he found out you were in the hospital, he realized no one was going to win in all of this," Chuck explains. "He came by last night to see if you were okay."

Her eyes widen in shock. "He was here?"

"Yeah, just for a few minutes. He told me he's done playing games and he's going back to Sydney."

"Oh," she responds blankly, not sure how to respond. "You still have your PI following him though, right?"

"Of course, I'm not stupid."

She smiles in relief. "Good."

Quietly, he studies her for a few seconds as she leans further back against the pillows next to him, her head falling onto his shoulder. He smiles to himself and kisses her hair when something occurs to him. "Oh, what'd you want to talk about?"

"Huh?" she mumbles, letting her eyes fall shut.

"Before my lawyer called, you said you wanted to talk about something."

Her eyes immediately snap wide open.

"What was it you wanted to say?"

"Oh, um.." she mumbles, pushing herself to sit up straight. Suddenly the 'just friend's' talk just sounds painfully awful, especially with him looking at her with that sweet, loving gaze of his. "It's just that.."

There's a knock at the door and both of their eyes dart to the door to see a tall mop of blonde hair and bright blue eyes peaking in.

Thank god for Serena and her horrible timing.

"Hey guys," the blonde smiles hesitantly, "am I interrupting something?"

Blair looks back at Chuck to see him watching her expectantly and she quickly looks back in relief at her best friend. "No, nothing that can't wait until later."

She smiles, forcing her thoughts to the back of her mind and pats the bed beside her, signaling for Serena to join. She giggles to herself as the blonde laughs and crawls in bed with them. Chuck smirks and moves to go sit in the chair, but she stops him, gripping his hand tight. She snuggles back into him and turns to face Serena who immediately starts gushing over her.

The three of them stay curled up together in bed, talking and laughing, and Blair couldn't have thought of a better way to pass her last few hours in the hospital than with her best friend and her Chuck distracting her from her problems, because honestly, even though she'd never admit it, she's nervous that once she's at home again, everything won't go as well as it has been at the hospital.

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TBC.. Feedback is greatly appreciated- good or bad, or just to say your reading! Please let me know what you think :)


	17. Chapter 17

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you guys so, so much for the reviews on the last chapter! I'm so so sorry it took so long to update though, it will not be that long again. :)_

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Blair lays listlessly across her bed, her make up and outfit both absolute perfection as she anxiously watches the minutes tick by on her digital alarm clock.

10:18.

She blows out a breath of frustrated air; still two hours and forty-two minutes until her first appointment with her new psychiatrist, Dr. Lang. She had fought with her parents that she wanted to stick with her old doctor, Dr. Sherman, saying she trusted him and would be more comfortable talking to someone she already knew, but once she had let it slip that it was also because she believed she could talk down the short, middle-aged doctor she'd gone to in the past, she was over-ruled.

She is definitely not looking forward to this appointment whatsoever.

A soft knock at her door shakes her from her thoughts and she immediately huffs in annoyance.

"I told you, Mother, I.." she trails off as she rolls over and faces the door only to see her ex-boyfriend leaning against the doorframe. "Chuck," she breathes in a mix of relief and surprise, the tiniest of smile curling her lips.

"Don't tell me your mom is driving you nuts already," Chuck drawls with a smirk as he starts towards her. "You haven't even been home 24 hours yet."

"You have _no_ idea," she starts, exasperated, as she pushes herself up to sit. "And it's not just my mom, it's all of them. All four of them sat and watched every single bite I took at breakfast and every time I set down my fork they freaked out." She shakes her head to herself as Chuck sits next to her on the bed. "And when I left the table, my mom made Cyrus follow me to make sure I didn't go anywhere near the bathroom."

He eyes her sympathetically. "I'm sorry," he empathizes softly. "They'll get better soon."

"Hopefully," she mutters with a sigh before shaking off her worries and focusing on the boy next to her. "So what are you doing here? I thought I wasn't seeing you until dinner tonight with Nate and Serena."

"Well you'll still see me then, of course, but I wanted to see you before your appointment," he explains, brushing a stray hair of hers behind her ear. "Figured I'd see if you needed anything."

"Can you make time move faster?" she asks slightly whiney as she drops her head onto his shoulder.

He smirks to himself and wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her into his side. "I'm afraid that is the one thing I cannot do."

She pouts and looks up at him. "But you're _Chuck Bass_- you're supposed to be capable of anything."

He laughs and shakes his before kissing her forehead. "Well I'm sorry to have failed you," he teases against her skin. His lips move to rest against her ear before he huskily whispers. "But maybe I could find a way to distract you for a while.."

Blair feels his lips against the skin behind her ear and she shudders. The stirrings in her stomach that immediately start at the simple kiss are undeniable and she knows how much she's missed being close with him. But as his lips trail to her neck and his hands begin to wander, it just feels too fast- it doesn't feel right.

"Chuck?"

"Mmh?"

His tongue flicks out across her skin making her swallow back her want. "Chuck.." she starts again shakily. "Wait.."

Immediately Chuck stops his ministrations, his brow furrowing in confusion. "What is it, Waldorf?"

She bites her lip and looks down at her lap, avoiding his gaze. "Don't you think it's kind of soon?"

He pulls back and watches her, a little taken aback. It's been _three months_ since he's had her; three months that feel like a lifetime ago now that he has her in his arms again. As he looks into her eyes though, he can see the hesitation and uncertainty clearly written there and he resists the urge to make a sarcastic comment about their first night in the back of the limo being soon enough after their first kiss.

"Do you?" he asks cautiously, cupping her chin and forcing her to look at him when she pauses.

"Maybe," she admits hesitantly.

He sighs and uncurls his arms from around her, unable to help his disappointment. He just wants to be close to her again and be able to move past everything already. "Look, I know you're still mad at me," he begins dejectedly, "but I'm running out of ways to show you how sorry I am."

"No, Chuck it's not that. I'm not mad," she explains hastily before rethinking her words. "Well, I mean.. I don't know anymore. I just…" she lets out a heavy breath. "With everything going on already, I don't think I can handle dating again on top of it right now."

Avoiding her eyes, he can't help the guilt that swells in his stomach when he realizes he was hitting on her when she just got home from the hospital yesterday. "Sorry," he mutters sheepishly as he starts to unwrap his arms from around her and pull away.

She drops her hand on his forearm to stop him from completely pulling away. "Don't be sorry," she tell shim earnestly. "I want you," she assures him, biting her lip when his intense gaze flashes to meet his. She brings her hand up to cup his cheek. "I _need_ you."

He smiles softly, his hand going to hold hers against his face.

"But I need more time first," she admits hesitantly.

He studies her closely for a long moment before slowly nodding. "Okay."

"Okay," she repeats as a small relieved smile curls her lips.

Chuck sighs and leans in to place a kiss against her hair.

"So what should we do until I have to go to my appointment then?" she ponders out loud, trying to change the subject.

"Well if I can't properly distract you right now then I'm not sure," he starts teasingly, trying to lighten the mood since the point of his visit was to make sure she was relaxed and keep everything going smoothly and easy for her before her therapy session, not make things more complicated. Which is why he decides to offer to do something he's refused to suffer through since their first week of dating. "Maybe Audrey can do the job? There's probably just enough time to watch Tiffany's if you want."

"Really?" she asks all too excited, before looking up at him and hesitating. "But you hate watching that movie."

"I might be feeling a little generous right now," he smirks and stands, holding out her his hand to help her up. "This is a one time offer, Waldorf. I'd take advantage of it while it's still on the table."

"Well then we'd better get started before you change your mind," she smiles, taking his hand allowing him to pull her up from the bed. She ignores the fact that their hands stay intertwined as they make their way to the media room down the hall, but also finds herself completely forgetting her nerves for her impending appointment at the same time.

–––

"He traded you? For a hotel?"

Blair groans and shakes her head to herself in sheer frustration. They were halfway through the session and she is seriously questioning the legitimacy of the diploma that hangs across from her on the gross moldy-green colored wall. The woman doesn't seem to understand anything she is saying and makes her explain things over and over. It is beyond ridiculous, it's infuriating. Plus on top of that, the doctor's shoes were at least three seasons old and completely clashed with her dress, which was also more than a few seasons out of date.

"I've explained it to you twice already. I had sex with my ex-boyfriend's uncle to save his hotel," Blair repeats as if it's nothing even though her heart still clenches at the situation. "Can we move on now? Because this isn't about that, this about me being… _sick_," she swallows and feels her cheeks redden at the admission, but she refuses to back down. "Can't we just talk about a meal plan or something so I can get out of here?"

Dr. Lang studies her and her brow furrows in concern. "Well, Blair, you're right we are here because you are making yourself sick. But while we will definitely make a plan to stop you from harming yourself again, it's also just as important that we get to the root of what is causing this as well," she points out to the young woman as looks at her over her glasses. "Creating healthy habits to move forward with is an essential part of treating this disorder, but so is understanding what caused you to harm yourself in the first place. Not dealing with the source of the problem only ensures that you will be right back here again someday."

"Okay, I get that," she concedes a little before going off all over again. "But this isn't all about Chuck or Jack or that whole thing. It's about my mother being so obsessed with herself that she basically ignored me and left me on my own, only coming around when it was convenient for her to have a daughter. It's about my father running away from a scandal and moving his whole life to France and never even thinking to take me with him," Blair explains, her voice hard and angry as she practically sees red. "Or maybe it's about my best friend and the effortless way she glides through life with people falling over her left and right while I am clawing my way through everything looking like the wicked witch of the west."

When she's finished, Blair can feel her shoulders shaking as she breaths heavily, her whole body trembling with anger. She sees the woman smile sadly and sympathetically towards her and she clenches her fists in her lap.

"I understand that there are layers of issues that build up to lead to someone having an eating disorder, Blair," Dr. Lang tries to calm down the very upset young girl ."I assure you, I am not trying to imply that it all stems from this one point, I am just trying to understand what you have been going through, which I see is definitely a lot."

Blair softens just a little, letting herself hesitantly relax back against the leather couch.

"Why don't we start over," the doctor offers, to which the young brunette reluctantly nods. "Why don't you tell me how this all started?"

Letting out a sigh, Blair gathering herself before starting the story. "Well, when I was fourteen I-"

"Not then," the doctor cuts in abruptly. "I don't mean to interrupt you, but I know from the notes I received from your previous doctor that you had recovered for a fairly long period of time with only a slip up or two in that time. What I'm more interested in is hearing when you relapsed to lead to all of this."

Blair bites her lip and immediately avoids the doctor's probing gaze, her mind immediately flashing to the night with Jack, the subject she had just finally gotten her to shut up about.

"Was it after the exchange for the hotel?"

She can feel her heat pounding in her chest because she doesn't want to talk about this. She doesn't want to be here.

"Blair," Dr. Lang begins softly, "We don't have to talk about this right now if you don't think you can handle it. I know you've been through a lot these past few weeks, months even, and.."

"No," Blair blurts, stopping the doctor mid-sentence because she doesn't want to be weak anymore. She can handle this. She's strong enough. She has to be. "I mean, yes," she admits shakily. "It was after that night."

"How long after?"

Blair gulps, her throat suddenly feeling dry. "The same night."

The doctor nods and quickly scribbles down a few notes before going right back to studying Blair again. "A lot of bulimics report that they are unaware of what they are doing as they binge until they've gone so far they have to purge. Is this the way it was for you?"

She slowly shakes her head. "No. I knew what I was doing." The doctor continues to watch her silently, waiting for Blair to elaborate until she finally feels comfortable to do so. "I just… I was so disgusted with myself," she admits unsteadily. "I mean, I had slept with Jack before so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal. But while it was happening I…" She pauses and looks at the ground because she just can't find the words to explain how horrible it all was and she's not sure she wants to. "And then afterwards…" she trails off and sighs. "I just needed something to help me get control again. I knew if I did it, it would make me feel better."

"Did it work?"

Blair shrugs listlessly. "Kind of. For a little while at least."

"But it didn't last did it?" the doctor asks quietly, leading her to see that it didn't really work; that it was just a temporary fix.

The young brunette simply shakes her head.

"So you did it again."

"I tried not to," Blair immediately tries to justify herself. "I tried to be strong. But I guess I was just too weak."

The doctor shakes her head at her. "You shouldn't call yourself weak, Blair. What you did was certainly…"

"Whore-ish?" Blair supplies, her voice full of self-loathing.

Dr. Lang immediately frowns at her. "Remember what I explained at the beginning of the appointment; I'm not here to judge, just to listen," she explains before continuing from on her point. "I was going to say it was difficult. I mean, from what I gather, you didn't want to sleep with this man."

She bites her lip and shakes her head.

"But you felt you had to for Chuck?"

"I did," she agrees. "But I don't blame him for what I did, not really," she admits, surprising even herself with how true that statement is. "I made the decision to go up there, wether he knew about what I was doing or not."

The doctor eyes her skeptically. "But he did know about it?"

Her throat feels thick and she has swallow back against her emotions. "Yes."

"How did it feel to find that out?"

Her stomach twists in nausea and she suddenly finds it impossible to speak.

How can she describe the most heartbreaking moment of her life? How can she put into words the worst betrayal she's ever felt? How can she put into words how much it killed her to find out that after spending a week absolutely hating herself for dong the worst thing she'd ever done by shamefully using her body and cheating on the love of her life, Chuck not only knew about it the whole time, but condoned it and actually helped it to happen?

It is too much to put in to words so she keeps her mouth shut as she tries to hold herself together.

"Do you still talk to Chuck?" the doctor questions after several moments of silence.

"I do," she answers quickly with a small nod. "He's waiting for me outside in his limo."

"So you've forgiven him?" Dr. Lang infers.

Blair shrugs. "It's been three months since that night and all the time since then, he's been great," she explains, trying to sound cheerful. "He's been by my side through all of this."

"But.."

"But.." Blair repeats as she lets out a heavy breath. "I don't know," she says simply, even though it's so much more complicated. She just doesn't really understand the nagging feeling in the back of her mind or the uneasiness in her gut whenever her and Chuck get close to taking a real step forward. "It's hard."

The doctor nods. "Do you still love him?"

Blair's eyes widen, completely caught off guard. "Excuse me?"

The doctor smiles, already knowing the answer but she repeats in anyways. "Do you still love Chuck?

Blair chews her lip for a few seconds as her palms start to sweat with nervousness. "Yes," she admits softly. "I do."

"Does he still love you?"

"I- I think so," she answers uncertainly. "Well he says he does, but.."

"But how could he really mean that after what he did?"

Blair's heart pounds in her chest as the doctor's words clearly hit a nerve, because this is exactly what she wonders, day in and day out. That is exactly the thought that kills her and stops her from completely forgiving Chuck because she just can't know for sure what is going on in his head. She can't know how if he ever really loved her, how he could do something so awful so easily. She can't know for a hundred percent certainty that he won't do something like this again, because she had thought everything was as perfect as it could get when suddenly he had shattered her heart out of nowhere. Her eyes cloud over with unshed tears and it takes everything in her to hold them back as the doctor stares at her, waiting for her to say something, but she just can't.

"Can we talk about something else now?" she questions in as strong of a voice as she can muster.

Dr. Lang's brow furrows. "Blair, I think that-"

Blair blinks and looks watery-eyed across at older woman, her eyes begging for mercy. "_Please_."

The doctor sighs and reluctantly nods, not wanting to stop because she felt they were about to have a break through, but deciding to take it easy on her since it is her first session. "Okay, Blair, we can put that conversation on hold for now."

She lets out a relieved breath and nods in thanks.

"I mean, since I'll be seeing you every day for the next three weeks before you go to Yale, we'll have plenty of time to handle all of that before then."

Blair rolls her eyes in annoyance but is still relieved to delay this conversation. "Great."

Dr. Lang pauses to jot down a few more notes before looking up at the young brunette again. "Well, why don't we talk about your parents?"

–––

Chuck sits dutifully in his limo outside the aged brick building, waiting for Blair's appointment to be done.

He's determined to do anything to prove his love for her and his dedication to their relationship, but he meant what he said to her early, he is running out of ways to do so. But if it is more time she needed then he is willing to wait, as long as it takes, because for him, Blair is it and after all that has happened he knows he could never hurt her like he did again. He just hopes she stops being so stubborn soon and just lets him in all the way.

He passes the time during her hour and a half appointment listening to his iPod for a little while, and then playing a few rounds of Tetris on his phone, before finally tossing aside his gadgets and resting back against the leather seats listening to sounds of the city around him.

His minds starts to drift as he contemplates the state of his life and the situations that lead him here. He wonders what his life would be like if the night in the limo almost three years ago never happened and he tries to imagine what his father would think of him if he were still around.

He wonders where he and Blair would be if he had never gone trough waith the deal with Jack.

Chuck sighs, closing his eyes. He knows deep down that they would still be together; they would still be happy and in love. He knows they wouldn't be here, with him waiting for her to get out of therapy just a day after she had been in the hospital and the guilt that fills him at that knowledge is overwhelming.

The door clicks open, snapping him out of his thoughts. He sits up straight as Blair slides into the limo next to him, an air of sadness around her. Immediately he reaches out and intertwines his fingers with hers.

Her eyes meet for the briefest of moments, a small, melancholy smile curls her lips, her hand squeezing his.

He quickly tells Arthur to take them back to the Waldorf's, before turning his attention back to Blair. "How was it?"

She shrugs listlessly, dropping her head to rest on his shoulder. "It was.." she starts uncertainly, "different."

He nods slowly in unspoken understanding and places a kiss against her hair. "It'll get better," he offers quietly.

Blair sighs. "I hope so."

Pulling her into his side, his eyes drift to the passing city as he simply holds her, wanting to ask more but not wanting to pry for any information she doesn't want to give.

"She wants me to keep a journal," she tells him after a few minutes of silence.

"Oh?"

She nods. "I'm supposed to write down _every_ thing I eat and drink and _every_ time I feel even a little hungry," she explains, a twinge of annoyance creeping into her voice, "and how I feel and react when it happens." She pulls back so she can look up and meet his gaze. "I mean, isn't that a little ridiculous? As long as I don't make myself sick, shouldn't that be all that matters?"

He stares at her in confusion for a moment because honestly, that sounds like a completely reasonable thing to do after landing in the hospital from an eating disorder. He knows Blair though, and her complaining is just her way of expressing how uncomfortable and hard this is for her. "I don't know.." he starts quietly with a small shrug. "Maybe you should give it a try though. Maybe it could help somehow."

She huffs a little and bits her lip, looking down.

"Hey," Chuck calls to her softly, his hand going underneath her chin, tilting her face towards his and forcing her to look at him. "I just want you to be okay."

A warm feeling spreads through her stomach at his words and there's a tiny smile on her lips in an instant. She takes a deep breath and nods, silently conceding that she will do what the doctor asks of her. His brown eyes study her, soft and wide and full of love, and no matter what was said in her therapy session, it's hard to deny what she sees right in front of her in him, even if her thoughts and insecurities get in the way.

"Thank you for taking me," she tells him suddenly, her face serious as she tightens her hold on his hand. "You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," he tells her immediately, his stomach aflutter at the way she's looking at him. He leans forward, resisting the urge to kiss her plump lips, and brushes a chaste kiss against her forehead as he feels the limo roll to a stop as they arrive at the penthouse. "What time do you want me to pick you up for dinner with the blondes tonight?"

Her face immediately falls. "Oh. I forgot all about that."

He studies her in question. "You still want to go, right?" he asks curiously before quickly adding. "Because we don't have to if you don't want to."

"Well.." Blair starts uncertainly. It's not that she doesn't want to see Nate and Serena, because she does. But she's tired still from the hospital and emotionally drained from her appointment and she doesn't think she can handle going out and acting okay after the way she had just been psycho-analyzed by Dr. Lang for the last hour and a half. "Maybe we could just stay in tonight?" she suggests hesitantly. "I mean, we still have to finish Tiffany's," she offers up as an excuse. "It'd be wrong not to watch the end. It'd be like we didn't even watch it at all."

He rolls his eyes even as a small smile curls his lips. "There was only like ten minutes left. Who cares?"

"The last ten minutes are the best part!" she argues back quickly and then starts tugging on his hand. "Come on."

He allows himself to be pulled out of the limo behind her, willing to do whatever she wants to make her happy and be close to her.

"And after we finish that movie, we can watch Holiday next."

His face suddenly falls into a frown as he follows her into her building. "Not so fast, Waldorf. I said I'd watch Tiffany's. That's it."

"Oh, okay. That's fine," she agrees all too easily. "Then we can just watch that again if you don't want to watch Holiday."

He groans as they cross the lobby, their hands still intertwined as they step into the elevator. He sighs and gives in. "Fine. Holiday it is."

A grin breaks out on her lips and she leans up and kisses him on the cheek. "Thanks, Bass."

He looks down at her, a warm smile growing on his face. "For you? Anytime."

* * *

_TBC..._

_Feedback greatly appreciated! Good or bad or just to say you are reading (I'd really like to know if people are reading still), and I will update again soon! :)_


	18. Chapter 18

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter! It means alot. :) I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I will try and update again soon. I just am not really sure that that many people are reading this soooo... yeah. Let me know what you think of this part. :)_

* * *

"You're scared."

Blair sighs, crossing her arms over her chest. She considers arguing with her therapist that she isn't scared of anything, but she can tell from the look in her eye that the doctor wouldn't believe her. She knows her too well at this point.

Dr. Lang studies her from over her clipboard. "You're scared that if you let him in all the way, he'll just hurt you again. But at the same time you want more than anything to be with him."

"Well that's a great observation," she bites out, "but I don't exactly understand how that's supposed to help me."

"Don't be scared," the doctor advises as if it's the easiest thing in the world and it drives Blair mad.

"It's not that simple," she tries to argue. "We were completely happy and then he did something awful. I gave myself up for him-"

"But it is that simple, Blair," Dr. Lang interrupts her. "You can either choose to sit around and scrutinize everything Chuck does or says from now until eternity, trying to determine if it means he _really_ loves you, or you can choose to let go of the past and let him back in. Allow yourself to love him and don't worry so much."

"But I did that. I let him in and and look what he did. How is that love?"

Dr. Lang shrugs. "People make mistakes."

Blair huffs. "You know that Chuck sat by and allowed me to prostitute myself for his benefit, right? Should you, as a doctor who is supposed to be looking out for my well being, even be encouraging me to stay with him?" she asks out of sheer frustration, because the doctor was right; she is scared. She's scared out of her mind that once they're together again, Chuck will hurt her all over again. She just doesn't think she can handle that.

The doctor sets aside her clip board and looks at her seriously, wanting to get her point across. "What I know is that the first words out of your mouth when you walked in here for your first session were that your very powerful ex-boyfriend Chuck Bass was downstairs waiting for you, and that he would have me shut down if I tried to mess with you," Dr. Lang starts to explain, chuckling to herself as Blair blushes slightly. "I know that you talk about him more than anyone else in your life and your eyes light up when his name is mentioned. I know that he brings you here, everyday, and takes you to lunch afterwards to make sure you're eating and you're healthy."

Blair raises her chin haughtily and looks down her nose at the doctor as she gets defensive, even as her heart melts a little at the realization of how there for her Chuck has been. "You're wrong. Serena brought me today and we're going to New Haven after my appointment," she points out just to be difficult, because every other day, Chuck was there, waiting patiently for her out in his limo.

The older woman ignores the comment and continues. "I know that boys don't just do things like that for just any girl. They do them for girls they love."

Blair bites her lip and looks at the ground, her heart heavy with emotion.

"You need to learn to let go of things Blair. You'll never be able to move forward with anything in your life, even beyond your relationship with Chuck, until you do," Dr. Lang explains as she peers over her glasses. "For instance, you mentioned you were going to New Haven this afternoon. Are you doing some last minute preparations for Yale?"

The young brunette taps her foot anxiously. "Yes, I still need to find an apartment."

"Oh, that sounds exciting," the doctor coos with a grin before checking her watch. "Well it looks like our time is up so you'll have to tell me all about it tomorrow."

She tries to smile back but she can feel it come off as more of a grimace. "I can't wait."

–––

Blair crosses her arms as she walks across the wide open living space, her heels clicking on the dark, hard wood floors. Her eyes roam across the empty apartment, only semi-interested because honestly this is the last place she wants to be right now. She'd even suffer through a second therapy session today to get out of this.

"I'll take it," she announces suddenly, her voice breaking into the silence.

Serena frowns at her in confusion. "Are you sure, B?" she questions. "We still have, like, a dozen other apartments and a whole afternoon for you to criticize and pick apart each and every one of them until you find the perfect one."

"I'm sure," Blair tells her firmly. She looks around the place and, sure, she's not completely crazy about it, but it will do. It's right off Yale campus, has more than enough square footage and very sizable closet, there's really nothing to complain about. Plus the sooner she picks an apartment, the sooner she can get out of New Haven and get back to the city. She fixes a smile on her face. "I like it."

"Well then it looks like we've found a winner," the realtor speaks up from the side of the room, a cheesy grin on his face. "I'll get started on the paperwork right away."

The second he leaves the room, Blair walks over to the large picture window over looking a park outside and lets out a sigh. This will be her new home soon.

Serena studies her best friend and recognizes the sadness in her, and she's immediately concerned. Hesitantly, she crosses the room to Blair's side, resting her hand on her shoulder. "Hey."

The brunette looks up at her friend for second, a melancholy smile on her face, before looking back out the window.

"Is everything okay?" Serene asks softly.

Blair shrugs. "Of course," she lies easily.

"Well then why aren't you excited?" the blonde wonders out loud. "This is like your dream come true. We're picking out where you are going to live while you go to Yale. _Yale_, B."

"I_ know_, S," Blair groans in annoyance. She lets out a heavy breath and her shoulders slump. "It's not that I'm not excited," she lies yet again, trying to cover up her emotions. "I'm just nervous I guess. That's all."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense," Serena concedes dumbly. "But there's no reason to be nervous. You'll fit in perfectly here."

Blair nods distractedly, watching a few girls around her age that she assumes to be students walk down the sidewalk, laughing and joking and dragging their Louis Vouitton backpacks behind them.

"Plus, I'm still going to come see you all the time," Serena continues to assure her best friend, "and I'm sure Chuck will be up here constantly too."

Blair bites her lip and turns away from the window, avoiding the tall blonde's eyes. The truth is she Chuck hadn't even talked about what was going on between them now since she had told him she needed time, let alone had a conversation about what would happen when she moved to another state in just a couple weeks.

"B?"

Blair flashes a fake smile towards her best friend and expertly hides away her insecurities. "I think we should look at everything one more time," she tells her friend as she walks across the living space. "I need to make notes for Dorota to give to the interior designer. If I'm going to move in here in less than two weeks, she is going to have to get started right away."

Pulling a small pad of paper and a fountain pen from her Chanel bag as she leads them down the hall, she stops as she steps into the large, bare master bedroom. Her eyes narrow as she scrutinizes the room, focusing all her nervous energizes and need for control into making sure every aspect of her new home will be absolute perfection.

"Okay," she starts as she begins to scrawl notes on the page. "Let's start with the lighting."

–––

She steps off the elevator into her penthouse later that evening and her senses are immediately overwhelmed by the delicious smells of dinner cooking in the kitchen. Her mouth waters and her stomach turns and she suddenly feels famished, but she holds herself in check.

"Miss Blair," Dorota greets her in the foyer, a huge smile on her face. She was supposed to have the whole summer off, but after Blair's hospital stay, she had insisted on calling her maternity leave short and had come back to work just a few days ago. "How was trip to New Haven? Was Yale beautiful? You pick perfect apartment?" the maid asks eagerly as she takes Blair's coat for her.

"It was great," Blair tells the older woman dully. She pulls out her pad of paper from her purse and quickly hands it over to Dorota. "Here is all my notes and the information on the apartment. Make sure the designer gets started immediately."

The maid nods eagerly as she takes the notes, genuine happiness in her eyes as she looks at the young woman she'd known since she was just a little girl. "Of course, Miss Blair. Is like dream finally come true."

Blair ignores the maid's comment. "Are my parents in the dinning room?"

Dorota nods. "They are waiting to be served. Mister Chuck with them too."

Blair's eyes widen in pleasant surprise. "He is?"

Dorota's smile widens. "There is place set for you between him and your father."

The young brunette let's her first genuine smile of the day grace her lips, she can't help it. This is exactly what she needed to come home to after a whole day of dealing with a future that she doesn't even want to think about. "Thank you, Dorota," Blair breathes in happiness. Leaning forward she catches the woman in an abrupt hug, catching her off guard. "I'm really glad you're back." She pulls back and rushes off before the maid even gets a chance to respond.

Her feet slow as she gets closer to the dinning room. She can her Chuck's deep voice say something she can't make out before suddenly everyone seems to erupt into laughter, making her grin to herself at the way he still gets along with her family. Hesitantly she steps into the doorway, smiling as her father's eyes land on her.

"Blair-bear!" her father bellows, hopping to his feet in an instant. He quickly rushes over to her and envelopes her in a huge hug.

"Hi Daddy," she smiles as she hugs him back. He pulls back and she follows him towards the table where she sees Chuck now standing and holding out a chair for her. She smiles and nods at him in appreciation, noticing that he is wearing her favorite pale pink bow tie that just happens to match her current outfit almost perfectly.

Chuck leans forward and kisses her cheek. "I missed you today," he whispers in her ear so only she can hear.

Her cheeks flush and she meets his heavy gaze as she sits down. "I didn't expect you to be here, Chuck," she comments as he settles into a seat next to her and her father sits on her other side, at the head of the table.

Her mother suddenly let out a sarcastic laugh from the other end of the table. "Neither did we."

Blair looks confused towards the boy next to her.

"I came over to surprise you and take you out to dinner," Chuck starts to explain, "when your parents informed me you were at Yale for the day."

"So we invited him to stay here and eat with us," her stepfather, Cyrus tells her as Eleanor tips back her wine glass. "We weren't sure if you would be back in time, but we set a seat just incase."

"Thank you, Cyrus. Things ended up going faster than I thought they would," Blair explains breezily. She bites her lip and focuses on Chuck. "I told you I was hanging out with Serena."

"I thought you meant you were spending an afternoon on Madison Avenue shopping, not in New Haven looking at real estate," he retorts, trying not to sound as bothered by it as he is.

"Oh, Blair! Did you find an apartment?" her father asks excitedly.

Blair nods and looks away from Chuck. "I did," she explains shortly, her eyes wandering the table in search of either something to eat or something to drink.

"Well, tell us about it dear," Eleanor implores her from over wine glass.

The young brunette swallows dryly and looks towards her mother. "Well it is very nice, of course," she begins, smiling and schmoozing her parents like she always does. "It has more than enough space and an extra bedroom. Plus the closet is to die for."

"Sounds like you found a good fit," Harold grins.

"See I told you we didn't need to go with her," Eleanor admonishes to Blair's father and two step-dads. "My daughter is very independent and can take on anything on her own, which is why I know she'll flourish and thrive once she is at Yale and away from the city."

"She'll be great once she is in her element again," Harold agrees with a warm smile. "Yale was always your dream, sweetie."

Blair sighs as her fingers start to fidget in her lap.

"Just another week or two, correct?" Eleanor asks as she sips from her glass of wine. "Laurel has been calling me non-stop about all the drama at the atelier."

"You don't have to stay until I leave, mom," Blair tries to assure her mother because she knows that's what Eleanor wants to hear.

"Nonsense!" Cyrus cries out in protest. "There is no way we are leaving a second before you are tucked away safely at Yale."

A small smile curls her lips at her step-father, before she looks towards her real father. "Are you going to stay in the city for awhile Daddy?" she questions curiously, trying to sound much more casual than she feels asking it. It's been nice to have her family back in town, even if it is a little overbearing at times.

Harold frowns. "I'm sorry, Sweet-pea, I wish I could, but I'm afraid Roman and I will be heading back to France as soon as you move to New Haven as well. I can't stay away from work forever."

"Oh," Blair mutters, trying to keep her disappointment in check. She fixes as polite smile on her face before smoothing over the conversation. "While it doesn't matter anyways, I guess. I'll be so busy at Yale I wouldn't even have time to see you."

Her father nods. "We'll be back in town for Thanksgiving, though, with pumpkin pie in hand."

She swallows and nods dully as she feels Chuck's warm hand slip into her lap, his fingers intertwining with hers. Her eyes jump to his and she can tell from the look in his eyes that he knows she is putting on a brave face, that he knows she is hurt that her parents are leaving so fast. He squeezes her hand in silent support and her stomach flutters with butterflies and love as her therapist's words from that morning replay in her head.

"So tell me what classes you are signed up for, Blair," her father questions excitedly from beside her. "Maybe there is still a professor or two hanging around from when I was there."

Blair sighs to herself, realizing in annoyance that the whole night is going to be full of Yale talk, and forces herself to look as excited as everyone else seems to think she should feel. This is going to be a long night.

–––

Yanking her silk sleep mask from her eyes, Blair huffs in annoyance as her eyes land on the glowing numbers on her clock. Two o'clock in the morning and she still hasn't gotten a moments sleep.

All evening all anyone had talked about was Yale and her future and everyone seems to think everything will magically be fixed once she iss there. And now as she lays in bed, her mind won't stop spinning with anxious thoughts and her stomach won't stop twisting with nervous energy and it's all too much. She just can't take it anymore.

She tosses aside her covers and swings her legs over the side of the bed, deciding trying to sleep at this point was pointless.

She considers going on her computer and online shopping or catching up on Gossip Girl, but decides instead that maybe an Audrey Hepburn movie would be able to calm her nerves.

Scooping up her copy of Paris When It Sizzles from her shelf and a cashmere knit throw from the end of her bed, she makes her way out of her room and down the stairs towards the entertainment room. She quickly settles down on the couch and curls up under the blanket as Audrey Hepburn and William Holden fill up the screen before her.

The screen moves in front of her and the music plays gently through the heavy silence of the still penthouse, but Blair doesn't really see or hear it. All she can seem to do is think over and over again about what going to happen when she is at Yale, all by herself.

She won't know anyone on campus at all, the only exception being Nelly Yuki, and there the was no way she was going to cling to that loser as she attempts to fit in. There will be no Serena to go shopping with when she is having a bad day or to just come over and curl up on the couch and talk. Her family will be all the way across the Atlantic once again, only really coming back and paying attention when they absolutely have to. Plus she'll be away from Chuck...

Her throat works and she swallows back her emotions as she gets up from the couch, the movie completely forgotten. She needs something to help her calm down, something to make the anxious feeling in her stomach go away.

Her feet move her to the kitchen seemingly of their own accord.

She stops in front of the fridge and opens the door with a trembling hand. She tells herself she's just going to get a drink, some milk or a diet soda, but her eyes catch sight of a container filled with Dorota's special banana pudding and her mouth waters.

Blair bites her lip hard.

It's been over a week since she left the hospital and she hasn't made her self sick once. She's gone to all her therapy sessions. She's been keeping a food journal like she was told to. She's done everything right. She tells herself over and over that she doesn't need this, that she is better than this, but she somehow finds her hand still reaching out and grasping the cool tupperware in her hands.

She quickly pulls off the top and grabs a spoon before taking a small bite, savoring the delicious flavor against her tongue.

She promises herself she will only take a few bites; she shouldn't deny herself food if she is hungry. But three bites turns to four, and four into five and she still can't put down the spoon. She takes bite after bite and she hates herself for giving in. She hates herself for what she's doing.

She hates herself for being so weak.

Her eyes fill with tears as her spoon grazes the bottom of the container and her throat is working with the thickness of the heavy pudding and her stomach is so full it's painful.

All the dessert is quickly gone and she tries to get rid of the evidence of her indiscretion, throwing away the plastic tupperware and rinsing off her spoon, before she quietly pads her feet across the floor.

Tears spill onto her cheeks as she ascends the stairs, her mind going a mile a minute, but her body so at peace with the sick familiarity of it all. She silently creeps back into her room and shuts the door behind her, before heading straight to the bathroom and closing herself inside, saying a silent prayer that her parents are all asleep and too far away so as not to hear what she is about to do.

She ritualistically kneels before the porcelain bowl and ties back her hair with shaky hands before pushing her fingers into her mouth, as far back as they can reach until they hit the back of her throat.

Blair gags and cries and spits and coughs and empties her guts into the water before her.

When she's done, she can do nothing but sit and breathe as everything spins and the world goes blank. Everything feels fuzzy and serene. She rests her head against the porcelain seat and inhales deeply, closing her eyes, and soaking in the peaceful stillness in bathroom and in her mind, suddenly too lightheaded to even think.

Once she regains her bearings, she pushes herself back to sit against the wall. Her watery brown eyes stares ahead and her heart beats hard in her chest. A quiet exhaustion seeps into her bones like it always does after she's purged, but as the dizziness dissipates, a sense of sadness and regret suddenly overwhelms her.

Her shoulder start to softly shake with silent sobs as tears rain from her eyes. She pulls her trembling legs to her chest and buries her head against her knees, desperate cries muffled against her bare skin. She wishes she could just put this all behind her; that she could be strong; that she didn't feel so lost and so broken. She wishes she wasn't all alone.

Raising her head, she looks towards the door and thinks of her cell phone she knows is sitting just outside the door on her desk. It would be so easy to just call Serena right now. Blair knows her best friend would be here in an instant, supporting her no matter what, but as she finds herself crawling towards the door and wrapping her hand around the handle, she knows it's not Serena she wants by her side right now.

She opens the door and reaches out, gracelessly pulling her phone from the desk, before she falls to sit back on the cool tile floor, her cell phone in her lap.

She scrolls her contacts and she lets it hover over his name as she bites her lip in hesitation.

_Don't be scared._

She takes a deep, shaky breath and decides maybe it's time to let the past go.

She presses the call button before holding her phone against her ear, her tears falling faster.

"Chuck…" she sobs when she hears him half asleep on the other end of the line.

"Blair?" he asks, suddenly sounding much more alert. "Blair, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She tearfully shakes her head, not realizing that he can't see her. "Can you.. Can you come over?" she asks him shyly as her voice cracks. "I need you."

"Of course," he assures her without a moment's hesitation. "I'm on my way, okay?"

She sniffles and nods. "Thank you."

The tears continue to fall but she finds herself breathing a little easier in relief knowing that Chuck would be there soon.

* * *

_TBC..._

_Feedback is greatly appreciated! Good, bad, or just to say that you are still reading... _

_and I promise next chapter will be all Chuck and Blair. :)_


	19. Chapter 19

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered_

_Thank you so so much for the reviews last chapter! I am going to make an effort to update this story more often as long as people are still reading and into it. So let me know if you want more. :)_

* * *

Everything is dark and still as the elevator opens to the penthouse. The small ding it makes to announce it's arrival sounding more like a blow horn going off in the absolute silence.

Chuck wipes his hands on his pants nervously as he steps onto the marble floor in his silk pajamas and black trench coat, having not taken the time to change after the call he'd gotten from Blair crying that made him panic. All that had mattered was getting here as quickly as possible because she _needed_ him and even though it made his heart swell to hear her say that, he was way too worried to take any delight in it.

He walks cautiously in his Dior clad feet up the stairs, trying not to make a sound to alert anyone of his presence because obviously no one else was aware of anything going amiss tonight. He doesn't take the time to knock when he reaches her room, just silently turns the knob and pushes it open, letting himself inside.

He frowns as he surveys the room, finding her sheets rumpled and her bed empty, but his eyes quickly find the door to her bathroom ajar. His stomach turns as the fears he's had since she called him not twenty minutes ago are all but confirmed, especially when he hears the soft, hiccuping cries coming from inside as he quickly crosses the room.

Chuck's heart breaks at the sight of her. She looks so small, huddled in the corner in nothing but her nightgown and hugging her knees to her chest as she cries, the light from the moon and the city coming in through the window the only thing illuminating her in the dark room.

Blair's wide, sorrowrful eyes fall on him and she lets out a desperate sob.

He doesn't hesitate to cross the room to her. "Waldorf.." he breathes mournfully as he kneels before her, reaching out his thumb and brushing it against her tear-soaked cheek.

She sniffles and lets go of her childish hold on her knees and reaches out to him with shaky arms, needing to feel him near her.

Chuck immediately obliges, pulling her into his grasp as her arms go around his neck. He holds her close to him; so close that she is soon sitting curled up in his lap, her cheek resting against his heart as her tears soak into his coat.

Blair snuggles into him, her fingers gripping into his coat like a lifeline, feeling so comforted and relieved just from Chuck's presence.

Rubbing his hand soothingly up and down her trembling back, Chuck can't help the worry that still swims in his gut. There's no mistaking what's happened. There's a faint smell in the air and a pale sheen to her soft, heated skin. He eyes her in concern and brings his hand up to cup her cheek before sliding it under her chin, gently easing it up and forcing her to look at him.

"Do you feel okay?" he questions uneasily. "Do you feel like you might faint? Are you dizzy?"

She softly shakes her head. "At first I did a little," she admits, feeling so safe and cared for at his obvious concern. "But now…" she trails off, closing her eyes and leaning into his hold, "now I feel okay."

A sad smile curls his lips briefly and he brushes his lips against her hair.

They sit in silence for together, Chuck holding Blair and being there for her and Blair letting him in a way she never really has. His fingers graze against her cheeks, smoothing away the remnants of her tears as they slowly start to dissipate until they all but stop altogether.

Her breathing evens out as she calms down, to the point where Chuck is almost sure she's fallen asleep, when her tearful voice suddenly breaks into the peacefulness of the room, startling him.

"I didn't mean for it to happen."

He looks down at her in his arms and finds her brown, hazy eyes gazing up at him.

"I just.." she trails off and sighs before starting over. "Once I started I couldn't stop."

Chuck nods a little in understanding. He waits for her to continue, but when she stays silent he hesitantly speaks up. "But why did you start?"

Blair bites her lip and wonders where to start, what to say. There's so many things that had been going through her head it had been overwhelming. She shrugs. "It's just… _everything_."

He frowns and tightens his hold on her.

"My parents, therapy…" she explains quietly, "Yale."

"Yale?" he repeats, his brow furrowing. "But that's your dream. It has been your whole life," he states, looking at her in confusion. She looks away and he raises his eyebrows at her questioningly. "Was your dream?" he wonders out loud, unsure.

"Maybe," she admits quietly. "I don't really know anymore." She chews on her lip and looks up at him, comforted at the fact that she doesn't see judgement and he isn't ready to convince her she's over thinking things; all he's doing is listening. She takes a deep breath and reminds herself that she's not going to be scared of trusting him anymore, because he has done nothing but be there for her throughout all of this, before she admits things she's never admitted to anyone, even to herself. "I don't think I want to go to Yale," she tells him softly, her voice wavering.

"Are you sure?" he questions, his hand finding hers in her lap. "This whole summer you've seemed so determined to go there. It was like nothing could get in your way."

"I know," she agrees as she intertwines her fingers with his. "But this summer I've been acting like everything was fine when it definitely wasn't." She sighs and shakes her head dumbly. "I was pretending I was happy and ignoring everything that was wrong. Yale just.. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to run away from what I was doing, and from all my problems…" she hesitates before quietly adding, "and from you."

Chuck sighs in frustration and lets his head fall back against the wall. "I'm sorry, Blair," he tells her, his voice thick with complete regret. "I'm so, _so _sorry. I can't say it enough." He tightens his jaw. "None of this would have happened if it weren't for me."

Immediately Blair shakes her head. "That's not true," she argues back. "This, my-" she starts, swallowing back her emotions so that she can actually say the word, "my _bulimia_, has always been there. Even before everything that happened, when I would get really, really stressed, it would come back up. But it was so few times and it wasn't very often so I just ignored it." She shrugs listlessly and fiddles uneasily with their hands in her lap. "I think no matter what, it would have spiraled out of control at some point."

He nods shortly, only half believing her but deciding to let it go. He tucks her head under his chim, rubbing her back and trying to comfort her.

"And the reason I don't want to go to Yale is because I don't want to runaway from problems anymore," she explains adamantly, "or from you. I want to fix it. All of it."

"Okay," Chuck agrees with small smile and the strength and determination laced in her words that he hasn't heard in months. "We'll fix it. I promise."

Blair nods against his chest as she suddenly yawns, the exhaustion of it all finally landing on her and interrupting their conversation.

"But first, we need to get you to bed," he smirks to himself as he brushes her hair back from her face. She doesn't protest as he stands up and helps her to her feet at the same time. Her arms go around his waist as he holds her to his side and slowly guides her towards her bed. Her whole body still seems to be trembling and he can't help but be worried as he helps her to lie down.

"Lay down with me," she quietly commands him as her eyes start to droop closed.

Chuck doesn't have to be told twice as he quickly sheds his coat and shoes before climbing in next to her. Immediately she cuddles into his side and he holds her back tight.

"Thank you," she murmurs sleepily.

He kisses her hair and closes his eyes. "For you? Anytime."

–––

Both of them are woken from their sleep the next morning by a soft rapping against her bedroom door.

"Blair-Bear?"

Blair eyes flutter open just in time to see Chuck stumbling out of bed and dashing gracelessly into her closet to hide, swearing under his breath as he goes. It takes everything in her not to burst out laughing, but she somehow composes herself and straightens out her hair and the sheets before calling to her father to come in.

"Good morning, Daddy," she smiles when her father walks into her room.

"Sweet-pea," he grins, walking across the room and placing a kiss on her forehead. "I just wanted to see if you have any requests for breakfast before Dorota starts cooking."

Blair bites her lip and her eyes dart momentarily towards her closet and she shakes her head. "No, anything she wants to make is fine."

"Well then it looks Roman gets his way and we'll be having buttermilk pancakes," her father informs her with a smile. "Come down when you're ready, okay?"

She nods and flashes her father one more smile before he disappears into the hallway and closes the door behind him again. Immediately her eyes turn back towards to closet where she sees Chuck poking his head out curiously, his hair sticking out in every direction.

"Is he gone?"

Blair instantly starts laughing at him, she can't help herself. "Yes, he's gone," she assures him. "You didn't have to hide you know."

A warm smile curls his lips at her girly giggles as he walks out into her room. "Well I didn't want your dad to walk in on us in bed together. I don't think he'd be very happy that I snuck in here in the middle of the night."

"No, probably not," she smiles up at him as he comes to a stop next to her bed. "Except how do you expect to get out of here without anyone seeing you, huh?"

He face falls in contemplation as he furrows his brow. "I guess I didn't think that far ahead."

Blair erupts into giggles again and Chuck can feel the familiar butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. He sits next to her on the bed and pulls her hand in to his, kissing the back of it. "So I take it you're feeling a little better?"

Her smile softens. "I am," she assures quietly. "It was good to talk to someone about things. I mean I talk to Dr. Lang but… it's not the same thing."

"Well, I'm always here," he promises a little shyly. "I meant what I said last night. I'll help you get through this. We'll figure it all out, together, okay?"

She smiles warmly, her heart melting at the look in his eyes and the sweetness of his words. She leans forward without thinking of anything but that she needs him and brushes her lips against his.

It takes him a moment to respond, but he quickly recovers and kisses her back hard as her fingers move up to caress his cheeks and then tangle in the back of his hair. He pulls back only because he needs oxygen and stares into her big beautiful eyes. "I love you," he breathes, meaning it more than he ever has before.

Blair swallows, her heart pounding in her chest as she admits the truth for the first time in months. "I love you, too."

His heart swells with happiness and love because he hadn't expected her to say it back. He grins and doesn't hesitate to kiss her again. He wraps his arms around her and pulls her against him, holding her tight as he kisses her with every ounce of emotion he has.

She kisses back just as fervently and it feels so good it's almost sinful. She's missed him so much and it all comes rushing back to her in one moment and she can't believe she's lasted this long away from him. But still, there's that nagging in the back of her mind thats made her runaway in the past and she can't seem to shake it. She pulls back, her heart still pounding as his brown eyes study her in sad confusion. She takes a deep breath and forces herself to talk to him. To tell him what she's thinking and not hide anymore.

"I'm scared," Blair admits in a tiny voice, her cheeks flushing pink. She rests her forehead against his and she can feel the tears building in the back of her eyes. "We were so happy. Everything was perfect and we were so in love and then one day it was just done," she explains her fears as her eyes get hazy. "How do I know something won't happen again?"

Chuck shrugs listlessly, a sad smile curling his lips. "You can't know for sure what will happen," he answers honestly as his own eyes start to shine with emotion. "But you can trust me when I say that I will never hurt you like that again," he offers with passionate conviction. "For the rest of my life, Blair, this is it for me; you and me. And I'll spend the whole time making up for what I've done if I have to."

A melancholy smile curls her lips and a lone tear slipping down her cheek. "Good," she breathes, her arms tightening around his neck, "because if we start this again, there's no going back. I don't want to mess this up again."

He quickly shakes his head. "We won't."

She nods in agreement and pushes forward to kiss him again, sealing their reunion with desperate kiss.

Her teeth graze his lip and he pushes his tongue against hers and their aggressive kisses drive both of them wild. They can't get enough of each other. His hand grazes up her thigh towards the edge of her nightgown while her hand balls into the front of his pajamas pulling him closer. She suddenly pushes him back against the bed and crawls on top of him, her mouth never leaving his and his hands roaming over her body and exploring her curves reverently.

"Miss Blair! Breakfast!"

They instantly pull apart and Chuck groans in pure frustration.

Blair is definitely disappointed at the interruption as well, but can't help but laugh to herself at the look of pure torture on his face.

"This isn't funny," he mutters as he stares up at her, even as a small smile curls his lips at her giggles.

"It's not," she agrees quickly. She leans down and places one last kiss on his lips, but this time it's slow and soft and filled with every bit of the emotions running through her body. When she pulls back, she stares down at him, her face suddenly completely serious. "Tonight?"

He gulps at the implication of that one word. Slowly he nods, agreeing to her silent promise with ease. "Tonight."

Reluctantly, they pull apart and crawl from the bed. Blair hastily pulls on a robe over her nightgown and slips on her slippers while Chuck puts back on his trench coat and shoes.

"You can sneak down the back stairs and use the service elevator to get out of here undetected," she informs him as runs her fingers through her hair to make herself look some what presentable.

He nods at her plan and hesitates as they both head for the door. "Are you going to tell your parents about what happened?"

Immediately, Blair sighs. Honestly she hadn't even thought about it so she answers with her gut instinct. "No, I don't think so," she decides. "You saw how they were when I was in the hospital. They'd most likely demand that I be sent off to some rehab in the Midwest by the end of the day."

Chuck studies her questioningly. "You can't just pretend it didn't happen..."

"I know," she assures him, cutting him off, still touched at his concern. "I'll talk to Dr. Lang about it today. I promise."

He drops it, seemingly satisfied with her answer, and leans in to place a quick kiss against her cheek. "I'll be back in a couple hours to take you to your appointment."

Blair nods. "Thank you again," she tells him seriously, "for coming over last night."

He smirks bashfully at her as he backs towards the door, his mind already buzzing with plans for that night. "Anything for you, Waldorf."

A smile curls her lips and she waves at him as he turns to leave. "Bye, Bass."

* * *

_TBC..._

_Sooo they are kind of back together, but there is still more to work out and deal with obviously... but yay anyways lol._

_Feedback is always greatly appreciated! Let me know what you think- good, bad or otherwise, or just to say that you are reading! :)_


	20. Chapter 20

_Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

_Sorry this has been so terribly ignored. It's been forever since I updated this, so long that I don't know if anyone will ever read this. But I'd like to finish this sooooo if you want more, let me know. :) Hopefully it's not too badly out of sync from the previous chapters…. (also, this was a pain in the ass to load on here, is there something I'm missing on this site? There seems to no longer be an HTML editor?)_

* * *

Rain steadily drops against the roof of the limo as Chuck waits outside of Blair's therapist's building.

"Anything you could do would be greatly appreciated," he breathes easily into his cell phone, laying on his charm thick. He pauses as he listens to the woman on the other end. "Thank you so much for making time for me," he tells her as a grin spreads across his face.

Through the tinted windows he sees Blair exiting the building, her pale blue umbrella protecting her delicate curls from the rain, and he quickly gets off the phone. The door clicks open and his smiles widens at the sight of her. The moment she slides into the seat next to him, he greets her with a soft kiss and intertwines his fingers with hers.

"Mmm, I like this new greeting," Blair smiles, quickly kissing him again.

He pulls back, resting his forehead against hers. "Well I plan on greeting you like this everyday from here on out."

Her heart immediately gives a flutter at his words.

He presses one more kiss to the corner of her lips before pulling away and becoming more serious. "How was your appointment?"

She shrugs and sits back against the leather seats. "It went okay, I guess."

"What did she say about… what happened last night?"

"Not what I expected," she admits, before continuing, "According to her, relapse is a part of recovery, so I shouldn't be that concerned. She said that since I immediately reached out for help and didn't try to hide it, that means I'm getting better."

"Good," Chuck breathes in relief, gently squeezing her hand. He'd been so worried that all of this was going to start all over again, it was an immense weight off his chest to know last night wasn't going to ruin all of Blair's progress. He looks over at her and notices the tension in her brow. "I mean that is good, right?"

"Oh, it is. Of course it is…" she agrees quickly. "It's just.. we talked about Yale, and she agreed if I didn't want to go there I shouldn't."

"But?" He supplies for her when she hesitates.

"But she wants me to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons."

"Well did you explain what you were thinking to her?"

"I started to… but we ran out of time," she explains softly. Her mind goes back to her appointment and her conversation with Dr. Lang. She know that the woman has her best interests at heart and was just trying to make her think everything through, but she can't help but be frustrated. "It's just, is it bad if part of why I don't want to go there because…" she takes a deep breath before admitting, "because I don't want to be alone?"

"No," Chuck quickly answers, squeezing her hand. "Of course not."

"Every time I think about going to Yale, I can't help dreading it," she tells him honestly. "I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like I'm being sent off somewhere so that no one has to deal with me. My parents can go back to their lives in France; Serena can concentrate on her boy of the week instead of worrying about me; and you… you can finally get over this crazy bulimic chick, who.."

"Blair," he breathes her name, interrupting her before she can say anything else. "That's not true; none of that is, and you know it."

She sighs. "I know," she agrees quietly. "I know, but I can't help thinking it… I guess I'm just scared." She bites her lip and studies their intertwined hands. "If I have to go to Yale and be all by myself right now, I don't think I can handle it. I think I'll be back to square one within a few days."

Chuck shakes his head. "You're stronger than you think you are. You don't give yourself enough credit."

"You give me too much credit," she counters with a small smile. She leans forward and softly kisses the corner of his mouth before resting her forehead against his cheek. "Thank you for listening to me. I didn't mean to unload on you, it's just that it took me up until about 3 minutes before the end of my appointment to bring up Yale to Dr. Lang, so we didn't really talk about it.. at all."

"Don't worry about it. I like being someone you can talk to," he admits shyly as he holds her against his side.

Blair smiles in content and moves in, kissing his lips as she feels the limo come to a stop beneath them. Pulling away, she look out the window to see they've stopped outside her building and frowns. "Aw, I forget we weren't having our usual lunch after my appointment today."

He can't help but chuckle at her whine. "Well don't blame me, you're the one blowing me off for another guy."

She rolls her eyes and smiles. "Oh yes, two guys actually. I'm sure you're quite jealous," she giggles. She leans in and places one last kiss on his lips before moving towards the door, when she pauses. "You know, you could join us if wanted. I'm sure Daddy and Roman would love to see you again before they head back to France."

A sad smile curls his lips as he shakes his head. "I would, but I have some business that needs attending to. Plus you should spend some alone time with them."

"Alright," she agrees with a fake huff of annoyance, before a sly grin curls her lips. "We're still on for tonight though, right?"

"Of course," he agrees, his stomach aflutter at the thought. "I'll pick you up at seven."

She nods and is off before she gives herself a chance to kiss him again, knowing she won't be able to leave if she does.

He watches her go, studying her curves as she sashays away until she disappears into her building.

Turning away, he lowers the partition to the front of the limo to speak to his faithful driver. "Arthur, I need you to get to Morningside Heights as quickly as possible. I have a meeting with Dean Reuther in twenty minutes."

–––

The second Blair slides into the limo later that night, she's on him; hands touching, lips tasting. She pushes him back against the leather seat before he has a chance to respond and crawls into his lap, her thighs wrapping around his waist.

"I've been thinking about this all day."

Chuck smiles at the words mumbled against his lips and his eyes darkening with lust. "Are you sure you want to get back together like this?" he asks her, even as his hands slide from her hips around to her bottom.

She doesn't answer but instead kisses him hard, before peppering kisses against his jaw.

"But I have champagne and rose petals waiting for us in my suite after our reservations at Daniel," he weakly explains while his fingers tangle in the back of her hair.

She shakes her head and pulls back, looking at him coyly whiles she playfully bites her lip. "Do remember the first time?"

Butterflies flutter in his stomach at the thought of that night.

"Every second of it."

Her cheeks blush helplessly at the intensity of his gaze as he looks up at her. She can't help but lean in and kiss him before continuing. "Well this is like a new beginning…" she says before finishing huskily, "why don't we start it the same way?"

He doesn't hesitate to kiss her again, his whole body and being responding to this amazing girl in his lap. "Plus, champagne and rose petals?" she questions him, making a face. "That doesn't really seem like us."

"No, I guess not," he chuckles against her skin. "But if you really want it to be like the first night…"

He pushes against her shoulders until she's laying on her back on the leather seat, catching her off guard and making her giggle in surprise. He crawls on top of her and kisses her lips, and then her cheeks, and her jaw and onto her neck, reveling in her soft moans of enjoyment at his touches.

"I love you."

He pauses at her sudden confession, moving to look into her deep brown eyes. "I love you too," he tells her, meaning it with every part of bit of his soul. "Forever." And he seals that promise with a kiss.

* * *

_TBC….? Please let me know if you are interested in me finishing this. :)_


	21. Chapter 21

___Summary: Blair goes through with it, and no matter how cut and dry the contract made it seem, this is one business deal that will have repercussions neither of them anticipated. Because she's not as strong as she pretends to be. Because he won, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Because selling out yourself or your girlfriend is a much bigger deal than either of them ever considered._

* * *

They slip into his Palace suite, room 1812, a few hours later, hand in hand with matching blissful smiles on their lips.

Chuck leads her inside and sets the plastic bag containing their dinner on the coffee table before turning to help her with her jacket.

She bites her lip to hold back a grin at the simple gesture, but her eyes find his and an energy passes between them; their deep connection expressed through nothing more than a look.

He smirks and reluctantly steps away from her to hang up her coat and then head toward his small kitchenette area. "So what do you say? Is tonight worthy of a little Dom '95 with dinner to celebrate?"

Blair laughs to herself as she watches him pull a bottle from where it is chilling in ice on the counter. "Do you always keep my favorite champagne cooled and ready just incase I decide to grace you with my presence?"

He snorts. "Don't you recall I told you I had tonight all planned?" he reminds her with an amused grin. "Restaurant reservations, candles, rose petals, champagne…" he trails off as he pops the cork on the expensive bottle. "But someone was too impatient to wait, so now we have to eat our dinner out of styrofoam containers on my couch."

Her cheeks flush a little as she laughs. "Like you really minded me changing your plans a little bit," she retorts with playful roll of her eyes.

Looking around the room, she suddenly realizes though that he was serious. There are numerous unlit candles sitting all around the king sized bed on the other side of the suite and she can't help but feel touched at what a romantic, albeit a bit cheesy, of a gesture it was. Stepping across the room she takes note of the red petals strewn across the bed, a few stray ones fallen onto the floor, and she smiles to herself.

She runs her finger across the edge of the comforter as she remembers the numerous nights they spent here together in the past. The summer after senior year she had practically lived here with him, spending nearly every waking and non-waking moment curled up together in this very bed. Back when everything was so new and almost innocent (as innocent as the two of them could possibly be) before the Empire and evil uncles and bulimia.

Biting her lip, she resolutely pushes all those thoughts away.

This is a fresh start. Of course they can't pretend none of it happened, but they can try and pick of the pieces and move on- and she sure as hell is going to do everything in her power to make sure that happens. That means she isn't going to let thoughts of the past mar one more second of her time with Chuck.

"Here you go, Waldorf," he speaks up softly at her side as he hands her a glass of bubbly liquid.

Immediately she goes to take a sip, but his hand comes up to rest warm and gentle on her wrist to stop her.

"To us," he toasts confidently, holding up his glass.

A warm smile curls her lips as she clinks her glass to his. "To us."

The two of them tip back their drinks, but keep their eyes locked on one another.

"We should probably eat before the food gets cold," Chuck offers, trying not to think about going for another round as he stands in such close proximity to her and his bed.

Blair nods, trying to shake the same thoughts. "Sounds good," she agrees. She lets him begin to guide her back to the couch with a hand on the small of her back when something catches her eye. "Wait." She stops suddenly, turning back to the bed. "What's that?"

Chuck follows her line of vision and his eyes widen slightly. "That's.. That's nothing."

Her brow furrows and she shoots him a look before making her way to the nightstand on the side of the bed that was always hers. There sits a crisp white envelope sitting propped up against an ornate lamp, and once she picks it up and inspects it further, she sees her name scrawled across it in handwriting she doesn't recognize.

She looks to him for some explanation and he shrugs.

"I forgot that was there. You weren't supposed to see that until after dinner and…" he trails off and sighs as he tries to keep the corners of his mouth from turning up. "I guess nothing is going to go how I planned it tonight, is it?"

Watching him in confusion, she runs her fingers over the letter, testing it's weight and trying think of what the hell it could be.

Chuck can't help but give in and smile, laughing to himself at her obvious intrigue. "Well are you going to open it or what?"

At his words, she doesn't hesitate to tear into the envelope, her sudden confusion and curiosity at the strange object driving her crazy. She pulls out a piece of paper and quickly unfolds it, skimming over the typed words as fast as she can.

Once she realizes what the letter means, she looks up at his in disbelief through abruptly wide and tearful eyes. "How… How did you…?"

"I have connections," he answers her simply, moving closer to her.

"But I turned them down. I told them I was going to Yale," she rambles dumbly. "There's no way Columbia would still take me after that."

Chuck smiles softly. "I told you, Waldorf. I have connections."

A tear slips down her cheek as it slowly it begins to sink in what is happening; what he has done for her. It feel like this huge burden is being lifted off her bit by bit; this huge sense of dread and regret and fear is getting smaller and smaller. Another tear, of relief and happiness and shock, escapes her and he wipes it away with his warm thumb and she suddenly can't believe how lucky she is that this boy loves her.

"Plus you had already gotten in on your own," he points out with a genuinely proud look in his eye, "so I didn't even really do that much. All I did was get a meeting, charm the dean a little bit…"

She sniffles and smiles a little at him. "I'm sure you did."

He grins and leans forward to kiss her forehead.

"I can't believe you did this for me," she mutters, still shocked as she clutches the letter and looks at him through watery eyes. "This is the sweetest, most romantic, amazing thing…"

"Well before you get too excited," he interrupts her, his smile faltering a bit, "I have to tell you there is one catch."

Her brow furrows. "What catch?"

"You can't start there until the spring semester."

"Oh," she breathes, thinking over that new piece of information before deciding that it doesn't matter. "That's fine. I can join a charity committee or maybe get an internship or-"

"Or you could spend it with me," Chuck suddenly speaks up, interrupting her ramble before pausing to take a nervous breath. "Traveling."

Blair's eyes widen. "What?"

"Well," he starts anxiously. "Seeing as you'll have to take a semester off and I currently have no hotels to manage or companies to run, I thought that maybe we could go away together. Travel the world, just the two of us."

Her mouth falls open as she takes in what he is saying.

"No pressure," he quickly adds off of her look. "I mean, if you want to stay in the city, we definitely can. I know things between us are still on shaky ground and everything is kind of a mess, but I thought it might be good for you to get away; get a chance to be stress free for a while. And maybe, on a slightly selfish note, I thought it might be good for us to-"

"Okay."

His mouth closes and he stares at her, unsure if he heard her right. "Okay?"

She frantically nods, more tears escaping from her big brown eyes. "Okay. Okay let's do it."

A grin breaks out over his lips and he can't help but rush forward and wrap his arms around her tiny waist. He hugs her tight, holding her as close as he can, before pulling back to kiss her lips, hard and excited.

"You sure?" he asks again breathlessly once they pull away from each other in need of air. "Because I know things have been hard on you and I wouldn't be mad if you wanted to stay home. Or even if you still wanted to give Yale a chance. Since I'm going to take some time off work, I could go up with you and help you get settled and used to it if you want. I know you've been unsure of what to do lately but that was always your dream. I'd understand if you still wanted it."

Blair quickly shakes her head, bringing both her hands up to rest on the sides of his face, making sure he is looking at her. "Dreams change," she tells him, suddenly feeling more sure of herself than she has in months. "I used to think that Yale was my dream, back when marrying Nate and summering in the Hamptons were my life goals," she explains and rolls her eyes at the thought.

He smirks at her, before turning serious. "So… What are your dreams now?

She bites her lips and runs a hand slowly through his soft hair. "You."

He pulls her even tighter against him, his eyes soft with complete adoration.

"And New York," she continues thoughtfully, "and… to be strong."

"You're already strong," he argues softly. "But we'll make you stronger."

She smiles gently, leaning forward to kiss him. "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispers against her lips.

"Forever."

"And ever."

They kiss again, slow and intense, passion building and burning between them.

Blair's stomach suddenly growls, interrupting the moment, and they break apart instantly.

Chuck rests his forehead against her's and laughs while Blair's cheeks flush pink and she begins to giggle as well.

He places one last kiss on the very tip of her nose before reluctantly pulling away. "Come on. We'll reheat dinner in the microwave."

She allows him to pull her behind him for a moment, their hands entwined, before she slowly comes to a stop. "Chuck…"

He stops and turns to look back at her with a furrowed brow.

"Thank you," she tells him honestly, her voice thick with emotion, "For so much, I can't even begin to say."

Smiling a little sadly he shakes his head at her. "Don't thank me," he gently chides. "If anything I'm just trying to maybe, somehow get even remotely close to doing for you as much as you've done for me. But I don't think that will ever be possible."

She opens her mouth to protest but he shakes his head to stop her.

"Why don't we eat," he suggests her, trying to change the subject, no longer wanting to focus on their past but instead their future, "and we can plan out all the places we'll visit this fall."

A warm smile curls her lips. "Sounds perfect."

He pulls her hand into his and kisses her palm, leading her into the living area.

"As long as you're still going to order us the chocolate mousse for dessert?"

He breaks into a grin, chuckling to himself. "Whatever you want, Waldorf."

* * *

_TBC….?_

_Feedback is greatly greatly appreciated! Any thought you have are great :)_

_AN: Figured I'd put this at the end. I hope there are some people still interested in this lol. I am still going to keep working on my stories- slowly, but surely- they'll get updated haha. I had planned for this to be much more angsty and blah blah, but I just couldn't do that after all they've been through.. plus I don't want to drag this story out a ton longer. I hope that it wasn't too fluffy. Any feedback would be great- let me know if you are interested in more. :)))_


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